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Writing is good therapy.
Perhaps you can write to your husband too? Not nec to send to him or let him read now, but as a record of how you are feeling to refer to in future situations, which might be next week or next year, but might help to have something solid to refer to then for YOU, as much as him.
Just a thought, trying to offer practical as well as emotional support.
Such a heart-felt post. My heart goes out to you. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and also lost a daughter aged 5yrs. Both were different experiences, 6yrs apart, but when I had the miscarriage I did feel so many of the same emotions I felt years later when I lost my daughter. It was a big loss in my life. I lost my baby that I was planning, hoping and dreaming of a future for. I was happy to be having another baby (was my 3rd) and wasn’t expecting anything this bad to go wrong). But it did. I remember also feeling so sad and so lonely for that feeling of being pregnant. My emotions were every which way and it took a while for my pregnant body to get used to not being pregnant. Having to tell people what had happened was so hard too. Even looking at other pregnant women, parents wheeling prams…it all hurt so much.
Give yourself the time to grieve for your baby……you have gone through a major event in your life that has hurt you so much. Go easy on yourself and keep talking…it does help to talk or write. Just don’t bottle it up inside you.
Girls you are all amazing, i know some of you have your own heartbreak to deal with but still willing to help and support others…. what would we do without mumstown?
Emptyblankets so sorry to hear of your loss and the other girls too.
Please talk to your dh about how you are feeling, dont let it build up as this makes it even worse.
I had a miscarriage in June last yr and my due date was on Saturday and to be honest I ve never felt so low or so alone as I ve felt over the last few weeks and I would never want anybody to feel like that. I eventually spoke to my dh on Saturday night and told him exactly how I ve been feeling and he was great. He was hurting too so it did the both of us the world of good just to talk and to be honest about how we were feeling.
On other occassions when I ve been really low I have wrote a letter to my dh about how I was feeling and what was going on in my head but I ve never given it to him but it definitely helped me to clear my mind.
I think your keepsake box is a lovely idea and its nice to have something that belonged to your baby. He will always be part of your life and will always be your son and you will always be his mammy.
Please mind yourself and give yourself time to grieve.
Maria i was only thinking about you last night, i knew your edd was sometime soon…. text meif you ever need a chat or a walk with the little ones
was thinking same thing Sabbi..have kept you close in my thoughts all week emptyblankets
take care
moonflower xxxEmptyblankets I am blown away by your powerful story and thank you for your honesty. I cant pretend to know what you are going through but from the other people who have also posted their stories, you are not alone and please don’t feel so.
Given what it going on in the world at the moment its such a reminder of how some people are really hurting on a personal emotional level and feel like they are alone.
As a man I know that other men don’t want to let people know how they feel as it may be shown as a sign of weakness. Something like what has happened to you both is harrowing in the extreme. Its also so recent and hard to comprehend. Emotionally it’s a snow globe that has been shaken to the core.
These are only words but they are being sent to you all letting you know you are not alone.
Take care
Mark
Wanted to reply since the first day I saw your post, but had to find the right time, right state of mind.
First I’m so sorry for Julian’s loss.
I know how heartbreaking it is to loose a child.
I was delivered in emergency at 26 weeks, and my baby boy died soon after.Like you I had the chance (you’ll see it like that sooner or later) to meet my baby boy, to hold him, with tounsands of tears in the eyes.
But that moment is sacred.
Woman going through miscarrige don’t have that opportunity unfortunatly, or not in the same way.Julian is a lovely name. He became an angel too soon, but as everyone is saying he’ll always be with you.
There is meeting once a month the group is anamcara (post on there), you can pm mummy5 she’s organising it.
We all find various way to cope, you will. But talk about Julian with your husband and also close friends.
The worst is when you can’t mention him or his name.
Let the tears,pain out, and one day, you’ll have less tears.
But you’ll never forgot him.
Woman will often have a physical reminder (tree, jelewery….) of the little angel.We have 3 paintings in my stairs, 1 for each kid I have, and because it’s painting we see every day but also we say to our 2 children at home, this is Yohann’s, Aisling’s and Eoin’s painting.
So one day recently my eldest asked us about the 3rd name and we told her. But because she always heard the name it wasn’t a shock and she understood.
Which was great for us, now she really knows. It’s not and never will be a secret.Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
FabienneAnd the lump in my throat just gets bigger….. 😥
Oh Fabs… A painting for each child…. what a beautiful thought, and it is such a wonderful way to keep Yohann close in your heart, not that he could ever be far away.
Emptyblankets… I like so many of the others, have been thinking of you, you haven’t been far from my thoughts at all. Just know that you’ve got an avenue to vent, whether it be tears, frustration, anger or you just want to talk…
we are here for you…. 😉
Hi Everyone,
I had my doctors app on Wed. Iwrote down all my questions. I put on make up for the first time in weeks. I was determined to have this app without crying. I left the house in plenty time and as I was driving and had time to spare I drove into the grave yard. There I was ………..frozen in the seat. Could I do this without getting hysterical? I hadn’t been to the grave in about 2 weeks (all my denial, thinking it would go away). Before I knew it my mind and heart went right back to the day we buried Julian. There I was sitting holding the little white coffin with the blanket wrapped around it. I got out of the car and started to walk up to the grave. As I held on tight I thought in a way I was handing my baby over…………NO! I cried and went back into the car. I sat there telling Julian I was sorry he couldn’t stay with me and how much we love him………When I was "able" I started the walk again. Standing at the grave with my husband we were silent. Fearing I would say NO he waited until I could let go. I slowly unwrapped the white blanket and handed the Julian to his daddy. He placed the little white coffin in the cold ground. The tears flowed and I could feel my heart breaking again. I was never going to be the same, nothing was ever going to be the same for us again. I stood there and watched Julians daddy cover him over. I knew his heart was breaking too. We walked away that day, me clutching onto another empty blanket……..I’m so sorry Julian……….mommy love you.I am so glad you are writing…. every word that you say is expressing your feelings… and it is so important to do that
Just wish I could give you a hug…. I’m so so sorry for the pain you and Julian’s daddy are going through…..
I can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling…
Today I can’t get it together at all…………..I want him back!!!
I want my baby back……….
I feel like someone (God) opened the door into my life and ripped one of my babies from me. I will never see him again and I am to accept that he is "better off", "in a better place" and that it was "Gods will"!!!!!
I will never accept it and what a cruel thing to do to us!!!!emptyblankets,
im so sorry your havin to go through this pain…. it is a terribly cruel thing for any family… and i agree theres no better place for my baby than in my arms.. morgan died due to a "fluke of nature" literally a one in a million chance… nothing will help you make sense of this, nothin will make it seem right that julian is somewhere else other than with you and his family…
i will also never forget collecting my baby in her tiny coffin, and watching my dad help my husband to carry her, its heartbreaking and i empathise so much with how hard each day can be… i take each hour as it comes on hard days and thank morgan for giving me her baby sister but noone will replace her ever…
not sure if u got the isands booklet in the hospital but i know they offer great services for support during these times, maybe when ur feeling a little better u could ring them….
thinking of you all
L x
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