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A French ObGyn has come out this week to say that he does not think Dads should be "allowed" into the delivery room when a woman is having a baby. He said only a ‘Silent midwife’ should be present with her.
I’m doing a radio interview about this tomorrow and wondered what you mums and dads think about this?
I believe each couple is different and should make a decision with which they are both comfortable. If the dad-to-be is a bit squeamish and feels he cannot support the mum-to-be fully, maybe they could hire a Doula to help them. Or maybe the woman could have a sister, her mum or a friend there for support also
It is up to each couple to decide together and I know I would not appreciate being told my husband could not come in with me – so I do not really agree with what this doctor said.
What do you guys think??
Hi Sabbi, when I had my daughter 5 months ago my husband was there and he was a great help to me so I disagree with this doctor, and I know I husband would not have missed see his daughter been born either. It should be up to the couple and not some doctor to tell you if you can or can’t be a the birth of your own child.
My DH was with me both times…. and although the first time he felt a bit helpless, especially when seeing me in the throes of labour… 🙄 , but watching his son come into the world would be the most incredible moment of his life…..
And then, the second time, he felt more able, as he knew what to expect, and of course the joy just increased watching his daughter arrive. I think if someone had told him he couldn’t be there, he would have throttled them! It takes two to make ’em…. and if it is the wish of the couple, the two should welcome the new arrival….Personally, I think that OBGYN should get a life!
Odent?
If so, this is not new! He has been writing about these principals for as long as I am old! 😆
It sounds like itsbeen taken out of context – his principals are based on giving women the best support in labour – that midwives are the best carers, that women provide the best support for mothers in labour, that low lighting and soft voices are best in order to provide stress free environment, etc
Its not that fathers should not be at the birth but that many fathers do not provide adequate support.If fathers are supportive then they are great support partners for women in labour but many men feel they cannot or do not want to attend births or do not trust birth. If the father is unsupportive and is more harm than good then perhaps it is best he isn’t there? I have a good few friends who have had female birth partners over their husband/baby’s father for a variety of different reasons… varying ideas in birth ethos being a big one.
My dh has been at our 3 but there were times, especially with our system which does not provide women with continuous support from a carer, that I wished I had a friend or doula with me as well.
Not all French ObGyn think the same way.
My French ObGyn is in favour of dad in labour room if they want and can be supportive.
But if they haveto faint, they better be out, as midwife has enough with mum to do, and taking care of dad lying down on the ground keep them away from their job.Dh was allowed with me in theater (elective Csection) until baby out. He could have stayed longer, but I wanted him with baby.
It helped me to have him by my side.
Dads to be should have the choice.Talk soon,
FabienneI do think sometimes men dont give the propper support, my dh was brilliant but the midwife on ds2 was a life saver, I was over tired and was feeling more pain then on ds1 started to panic a bit and I didnt like myself starting to panic… (was more upset as I was starving but couldnt eat as they had an idea I was going for a c section). she told dh to go for a tea. The I sat on a ball with my head on the bed, she said beside me rubbing my back and we just chatted, it was all very calm and relaxing…. I was like a new woman when dh came back with his tea………. I will never forgot how calm she made me feel and got me back on track
I had two tricky sections a massive bleed on first and my placenta broke up on the second, dh was brilliant at both sections. But on the first he was kicked out for about an hour or more while they tried to stop the bleed, I was gutted all I wanted was my new baby and my dh at my side, I felt if he was okay with what was going on he should have been allowed say with me…… I was so alone no one told me what was going on, I had to shout at the doctor to TELL ME whats wrong, would have loved dh to have been there to support me
My brother is 44 and my dad was at his birth in London, he was shocked when they moved home to Ireland that he wouldnt be allowed in at the birth of my sister… the midwife told him "you’ve done your bit now go home and come back tomorrow"
Men should be allowed in, but they shouldnt be forced into itJust thought I’d add these links – they better explain Odent and his principals and contributions to birth
The first is just a basic background of his contributions…many of which I thank him endlessly for (birth pools, home like midwife led services like MLU, Etc)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Odent
The second is an article from Midwifery Today on fathers – may provide more insight into his principals
My DH was unbelievable when I has DS2. I was so nervous after having DS1 because I knew how much pain I would be in. I had forgotten everything I had learnt in the anti-natal classes but he completely calmed me down and he remembered everything. He kept reminding me that I had come so far and in a short time we would be holding our new baby. He was someone I trusted completely with everything so I wouldn’t have had it any other way! My DH couldn’t make it for the birth of our DS1. My mum was in the delivery room with me and it was awful. My poor mum tried her best but she got just as frightened as I did and that didn’t help at all! She kept saying "are you sure she is ok because I am sure there is something terrible wrong" It made the labour seem much longer and much more frightening. If we decide to have another baby I wouldn’t go anywhere near the hospital without my DH.
ah i had my dh there for boht, for him the first time round was a whole new thingfor both of us, and i needed him there more so than the need for use of him being there, infairness he was very good to me poured water on my back, handed me drinks and rubbed my head, love him doing that calms me down, and the of course he saw his son enter the world…..
2nd time round a section, to be quite honest i felt rather alone in there to start off, even when i had lots of medical staff around me, i was terrified and having him there, though he may not have been hands on helpful it gave me comfort knwoing i was not alone…he ended up being at the birth of ds2 for only 6 mins, and for those 6 mins out of 2.5 hours i didn’t feel alone…..so i suppose i should say i’m for the dads being there, yeah they may not be helpful at times, but at the end of the day 2 people helped make this child, so why not have the 2 people there to welcome the baby into the world….i feel that i can have a profound effect not having your partner with you, and visa versa them not being there, they too can feel a sense of being shut out, as my dh told me that i spend 9 months getting to know the baby as it grws so when the baby is born he can feel apart of something, and when mummy needs to be looked after straight after delivery, he can then bond…my dh also told me that no matter what he would’ve been there, as why should he be shut out and made feel useless..
i want to my parnter to be with me and our baby. he has left me alone to do most visit due to work . and is quite happy to let me baby shop although he does keep asking do we have this , what that. hes a first time dad so i got him a book. im very calm and think he will panic but in all in all he wants to be there and i want him there too. personal choice i guess.
xxxx
I was on the verge of fecking the radio out the office window the other day with these flipping men on g ryan!!!!
the ones who feel validated by this report..one said he was 3 miles away and told his wife not to ring or text until she was well covered up as he didnt want to look at his wife in any other way (as in not look at her giving birth cos he would never think of her as a sexual being after that) what a fecking PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honest to god in this day and age men still have this attitude!!!!!! bloody madness.
my x was in with me the whole time and i wouldnt have had it any other way!!!! if only to see how much pain i had to go through
When our first child was born I was told to go home as it appeared Mam was not ready and it would be another 6/7 hours and I was better off getting rest considering what lay ahead of us. Within 2 hours of getting home I got the phone call to say Mam had gone into labour. I rushed back and broke through the doors (all very dramatic) when Mam seen me her whole demeanour changed, although there was several people running around the small room we focused together, I told her how great she is, some silly stories, helped with the breathing and despite some unnecessary medical intervention we worked together and our boy was born, an incredible moment but to this day I don’t know why so many unnecessary people were present.
Our first girl again in a hospital, we were waiting for the right moment so it was just the two of us in a small ward, again as the Dad I kept complementing her, helping with the breathing and trying to keep her attention off stupid things around us (rugby games on TV and certain songs). When we went into the labour room it was only the mid-wife (who was great) and the two of us, again I helped with the breathing but this one didn’t wait around too long and after what seemed like a few pushes she dived out to join us. 30 minutes later the doctor casually walked in and inspected my two beautiful girls (one feeding naturally) and soon after gave us a nice bill for her services (mid-wife & Mam doing all the work!)
Third time around and because of our disgruntlement with hospitals we opted for a home birth and as a Dad, it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Mam went downstairs shortly after 5am and I followed soon after, again to help with the breathing, reminding her after each contraction that one was gone forever, after 6am the mid-wife arrived, checked on Mam but let the two of us work together, I ran the bath and fetched whatever Mam she wanted, the fact we were at home made it much easier. Once in the bath it was only the two of us, with the mid-wife checking every now and again. More silly stories (trying to get Mam thinking of funny moments in our life), help with breathing, telling her how amazing she is and how great she is doing. Soon after we went into the bedroom, up on the bed, my nipple twisted 360 degrees when mam was pushing and beautiful girl no2 greeted us.
Although we were lucky together with the 3 births, I know a lot of Dads who simply don’t want to be there as they are not sure what to say or do, so like what a lot of you guys are saying, I believe this decision should be made by the couple. If the Dad is comfortable being there, the only other person you need is a mid-wife for the actual delivery (all going well off course), there is no need for any more people causing a drama when there should only be one!
My hubby was brilliant with me for the births of our three children. When he was not with me, I lost the plot and could not remain calm and when he was with me, I was calm. Just looking at him and being close to him and him constantly telling me how great I was doing and how I was coming to the end really helped me cope.
When I lost a baby at 13 weeks a few years ago I was in labour for almost 4 hours. My hubby was forced to wait outside and I had to labour alone. It was horrendous. I really needed him because I knew at the end of the pain, I would not be holding a new baby. There would not be anything good to come out of all my work. I lost it, I could not breathe, I could not focus. I begged – I mean begged – the nurses to let him in but they sternly told me he could not, it was against hospital policy.
To this day I know I would have coped tremendously better in that hopeless situation if he had been holding my hand. It made all the difference to me on the 3 we have and it would have helped me so much with the one we lost.
Still, I believe each couple should do what is right for them and not be judged. This is why doulas are great for some couples. A few years ago a close friend asked me to be at her labour and birth. Her partner was there too but she asked me to help with her labour incase her partner went green (which he did a few times) So I was there for her labour and when baby was ready to come out, I stepped back and hubby stepped in and they were all happy. It was a good experience for everyone.
Each to their own – as long as they are happy and comfortable with their decision.
Well dh did feck off 4 food at some point during 8 hr labour with dd (hosp), 1st born. I didn’t care as was listening out for eqaliser in Liverpool Newcastle game between contractions (think Danny Murphy maybe made it 11 so all well). Did come in useful tho as he remembered the TENS machine, 7 hrs 2 late. No, was nice having him there 4 me and he was mesmerised by eventual arrival of Mrs. Good for 2 of them bonding I think.
Ds born at home v unexpectedly as most of u sadly have been bored with the tale of already, and dh on verge of delivering via midwife instructions on phone (no 1 of which was "get her off the fecking toliet – the baby can’t b born in the bowl! She’s obviously got herslf on there cos she wants to push, u ignoramus"), so obv useful there. 1 thing would sat 2 sqeamish dads was that cos he was forced into this rather business end of matters, he actually had no issues, so it’s amazing what you r capable of, even if u think u r not.
Need to have someone reliable by ur side in delivery – dhs usually this or wouldn’t have been ur choice of dh i suppose 4 most (sensible) women.It is every couples choice but i do think they should be given the choice. I think its good for the Father to experience the birth. I could not of done it without mine. He was AMAZING but yet now when we talk about it he was so afraid for me but he stayed positive when i wasnt and jus wanted to give up. And to be honest i think the men need to see what us women go thru and id say that the dads that have been in the labour ward will disagree to lettinthere wife or partner go it alone the nxt time.
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