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Hi Sabbi, I am debating over if I should post this or not…. my experience is very different to anything already posted and I am not sure if it is relevant as I feel it only represents a very small minority of women.
I had 3 babies in 3 yrs and 3 days… 21 month gap between the first two and 15 month gap between the boys. For me it had nothing to do with age ( I was 28 on first, 29 on second and nearly 31 on third) or anything else
Your questions in the OP made me think. "is it because pregnancy, birth and new babies are so wonderful that we simply cannot wait to do it again?" This was part of it for me… for certain on the boys did this come into it. But there was also an aspect for me after my first that things were so horrible that I had to do it again…to make it different. Let me explain…..
""is it because pregnancy, birth and new babies are so wonderful that we simply cannot wait to do it again? "
Yes, I am a baby person – always have been always will be. I looked forwards to the pregnancy..feeling them move within me and wondering what they looked like. I looked forward to their birthday with excitement rather than apprehension. Once they were here, I loved the feel of them, loved feeding them, loved curling up in the middle of the night and feeding my newborn. I love the smell of them and would happily sit for hours watching them. I love every developmental stage, age and milestone. I don’t mind having 2 in nappies (and we used cloth!) and enjoy every age that children have to offer…tantrums at 2 and all! I have always wanted a big family and wanted them about 2 yrs apart. So, it was always on the cards that this would be and I was delighted to be pregnant for the first time at 27.
On the flip side………
I craved another baby very shortly after having my first and I am the first to admit that it was for the wrong reasons. On my dd it was a tough pregnancy. On several occasions we thought we were losing her. The hospital were terrible during these times. By the time I was 26 weeks I was having anxiety problems and ante-natal depression. And then I had a terrible birth experience (not OLOL) and was treated really badly. Emotionally I felt traumatised, guilty and ashamed. After the birth my baby got sick and was losing weight. I got sick due to retained placenta. I ended up being diagnosed with PND…although now I know it was more likely PTSD.
By the time my baby was 6 weeks old I was desperate for another baby for all the wrong reasons. I was desperate to make it different. I was terrified if I didn’t get pregnant again soon then I would never have another child. I had lost my ability to believe in myself and in the entire process of babies. I felt like a failure and wanted to ‘try again’ or have a do-over.
Luckily I got help and I waited until I wanted a baby for the ‘right’ reasons. I got pregnant on my dd’s first birthday and was overjoyed and excited that we would have a second child. Things were happier the second time around. I had more support and my dignity remained intact.
My third was the most wonderful surprise I’ve ever had! I was breastfeeding and hoping for a similar gap as I had on the first two (21 months-2 years). He was determined to be here and we are delighted he is!
So… a very different post from me and probably not the most mainstream reason for having closespread siblings…but it does exist. I know several ‘do over’ babies and nearly had one myself.
Jene, thats a lovely story IYKWIM, i have tears in my eyes. Well done, cant imagine with 3 would be like, but i suppose like everything else, you just get on with it and enjoy it.
jene fair play i understand where you’re coming from from the lets have a baby to make the experience better than what happened first time round…..been there, but just can’t go there right now slowly but surely getting there……fair play for having all 3 kids close together one day i’ll catch up with all you breeding mammies…. 😆 😆
This has been a great and interesting read… Jene was story is wonderful.
I was 27 when I had my DD and we have been blessed again and we are expecting our 2nd child in November. Our DD will be nearly 4 1/2 years old – from soon after I had her I really wanted another, was so broody, but knew it would be too soon for all of us and we wanted to give E the full attention we felt she deserved. Then with other family things we decided to wait and we feel that it was the best decision for us.
There is 6 in my family, a gap of 5 years between me and my younger brother and 4 years between me and my older sister – and there are 3 more 7, 8, and 11 years older again – we all get on okay and are like glue if we need to pull together on something… And my aunt has 4 children who are all 11 months apart each!!
Hi there,
For my first pregnancy I didnt have much of a choice and number 2 arrived 2 mins later. Twins were quite hard in the beginning but they are 8 years old now and get on great.
Their new sister is now 7 months old and both kids are a great help. No problems with jealousy (sp) at all as they are used to someone else being there since they were born.
3rd child has been a walk in the park, except for the first 4 weeks as I was recovering from a c section. However, we would both love to have another so this time round hoping not to leave an 8 year gap again 🙄
Ive 3 girls, with 2 yrs and 2 months between each, and all were happy accidents. They do get on great with each other and are such fun to watch. But, if anyone ever asks my advice, and where there is a choice, I always think that 3-4 years is a good gap to leave, that way the older child is walking, toilet trained, and demands less of your attention and everyone can enjoy the new arrival without being put out or fighting for attention.
I’m from a big family of seven with 2 yrs being the biggest gap between us, and while we wanted for nothing, I think that children need some ‘me time’ to learn from a grown up about life, the world and about communicating with adults, this is difficult in a house full of children all after the same thing!
But in saying all that, anyone with two or more babies under 3 like you had JoeyRudd and you others, definitely deserve medals, all those nappies everywhere and bottles on the go, has to be very stressful. The social welfare additional payment for twins should apply to anyone with ‘Irish Twins’ too!
Fare Play to you all!
Ive 3 girls, with 2 yrs and 2 months between each, and all were happy accidents. They do get on great with each other and are such fun to watch. But, if anyone ever asks my advice, and where there is a choice, I always think that 3-4 years is a good gap to leave, that way the older child is walking, toilet trained, and demands less of your attention and everyone can enjoy the new arrival without being put out or fighting for attention.
I’m from a big family of seven with 2 yrs being the biggest gap between us, and while we wanted for nothing, I think that children need some ‘me time’ to learn from a grown up about life, the world and about communicating with adults, this is difficult in a house full of children all after the same thing!
But in saying all that, anyone with two or more babies under 3 like you had JoeyRudd and you others, definitely deserve medals, all those nappies everywhere and bottles on the go, has to be very stressful. The social welfare additional payment for twins should apply to anyone with ‘Irish Twins’ too!
Fare Play to you all!
i wouldn’t need a medal, just an extra set of hands would do 😆
really interesting reading all the different points of view. it is a subject i have been thinking a lot about lately. dd will be 1 this saturday and we will be taking the opportunity of her birthday party to tell the family that no. 2 is due on christmas day! wetook a while to decide if we should start trying or wait until dd was a bit older but as it took 5 years to conceived 1st time around we thought we better get going straight away and after only a couple of months this time things worked out. i am a little bit apprehensive about how i will cope with two young children but mainly i am just exciteda nd looking forward to the new arrival.
ah congrats you’ll be fine i think having a young baby and a newborn you should be fine as you’re still in the baby baby stage, i think as the child gets older fear well for me starts to kick in that i’ve forgotton everything, been thinking more and more now about no.2 and panic setting in stupid i know but hey it’ll be grand when the day comes…..but best of luck you”ll cope fine….
Hi all,
many thanks for all the responses to this topic, the article will feature in next Mondays Irish Independent, health & living section
thanks again
Siobhan
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