My Baby Aiobh- title change!!

[Jedt]

For the first month or two after we lost our first babyI did not really cry and everyone thought I was ok. I just went on about things as normally as I could and tried to be strong and brave. My family kept asking me was I ok and I brushed off their concern and refused to talk about it. Eventually it all caught up with me and when the floodgates opened, I cried solidly for about a week. I swear, I was dehydrated with all the crying. It was some build up and was a relief to get it all out. I did not know I was holding all that grief in until it came pouring out of me, it was quite a shock to be honest.

Once the crying started, I decided not to keep everything in anymore and I found writing things down very therapeutic, so I kept a diary for a while afterwards. it was good to get it all off my chest so that could be something you could try if you feel angry and need to vent in some way. I used to do it at night before bed and if I needed a good cry, I could cry away as my son would be asleep by then so I did not need to worry about crying in front of him and upsetting him.

Its good you have support and you can find the humour in things too.
We all handle things in our own way and you may well have days where you feel like you are not coping ok and thats alright, just do whatever you have to do to get through those tough days and you will come out the other end of this really difficult time.

When yourbody and mind are ready, I hope 2012 brings you the chance for another pregnancy.

take care. x

[beams]

Im just reading this now (i dont normallly read this forum) – im so sorry HMM for your loss – i just want say god bless x

[noeleenw]

havent been on mt recently, i am so sorry for your loss…. very very sad… my cousin lost her baby at full term 2 years ago, isands where absolutely fantastic and we did the mini marathon to fundraise for them, we felt as if we where doing something to help out, iykwim… look after yourself…l will say a prayer for your little baby and your family

[Jedt]

isands offer great support for mums & dads coping with a loss. Lisa from Jewellery Tree donates some of the money from her rememberance jewellery range to them. They are fantastic, a great charity to do the mini marathon for. Might do it for them or MAI this year. Thanks for posting that Noeleen.

[happymumblemum]

Thanks Girls, its great to have the support here..I am also posting on ISANDS, but to be honest sometimes I find the site to sad if that makes sense..there is just toooooo much grief there and its breaks my heart at how many women are in my position and worse. Over there you almost have to deal with too much grief it that makes sense.

Although like you Sabbi I tend to do my crying in the evening in bed, I have a locket with Aiobh’s photo in it and I always have it with me and find it very comforting to be able to talk to her wherever I am .

I was upset this morning as everything seemed to be back to normal , especially now I am driving again..lift for hubby cos it was raining, getting d up for school ( actually that is still in progress!) May call up to the grave after school drop off to say hello.

I would give anything to have a cuddle with her again and thank god I have my dd..god knows how women cope if its their first baby who dies..my heart goes out to them.

She was so much like d as a baby , loads of black hair that would have probably turned blonde just like d as she got older.

I would have been due in a few weeks which makes me of course very sad, trying not to dwell though, andinstead we are going to West Cork for a few days on holiday to have some nice meals out and sea air.

Would have been liek a mad woman this week with d back in school going round the shops buying all sorts for baby..thank god in a way we hadn’t bought anything.

I am going to contact hospital councillor or something as it cant hurt to talk to a professional grief person ..as I do have some guilty feelings about not looking at her more closely when she was in ICU ..I was so spaced out after the Emergency C section and was throwing up so much and she didn’t feel like mine and looking back it makes me sad….also later on that day before she was transferred I went with the priest for the baptism and I was holding her hand but I still felt so sick nothing was registering and that was the last time I saw her alive 🙁 but its like I wasn’t even there..

I know these are silly feelings as I had been thorugh so much and my mind and body were hurting so much and after all the morphine and drugs etc I couldn’t have done any better but still…

Funny I remember asking for fresh air after the baptism and I was wheeled in my chair to the front doors just in the lobby..god I must have looked terryfingly ROUGH with a capital R , I was kinda hanging sideways throwing up holding my drip and catheter…must have been scaring everyone coming in 😆 😆

A sad moment for me in the ICU room before she was transferred I was asking the doctor were there loads of babies going to Dublin at the same time ?, as the room was full of incubators and what not.. and he gently said no , these are all for your baby 🙁 and there must have been about 7 things full of machines bags and heaven knows what else , poor poor little angel:( 🙁

Thanks for listening xx

[trixiebell]

Hmm hope ur ok have been thinking about you xxx

[happymumblemum]

Hi Trixie, not too bad thanks.

Busy back in the school routine and trying to keep busy really, I am doing really well I think.

I hope I dont suddenly fall apart one day….I don’t think so though ..

Have zero patience at the moment though , have to be careful not to snap at people 😉

[Maria30]

Hi HMM,

Havent been on in a few weeks. Glad to see you got over Christmas ok.

I m sure there will be tough days and weeks ahead but all you can do is take it one day at a time. I m sure some bereavement counselling would help as it can be good to talk to somebody who isnt close to the situation like other family members.

Thinking of you and your family during difficult time x x x

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