Birthdays parties

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    Hi all,
    my daughter 5th birthday is coming up this week and I booked a party. She’s in a school were they can’t give invitations in the school. This is a very good thing as it’s disturbing for a child to see some invitations around and not be invited (it happend to me, and it’s tough to deal with for the school and for the parents). Some will say it’s life they can’t get everything and have to learn it, but as a mum I feel sorry for her. But as she’s young and don’t talk about school at all (I know she’s happy and that’s about it), I don’t even know the names of her friends. So now I’m like this maniac mad woman who ask everyone around for phone numbers (for the few names I extort out of her). And I now call or text (I feel less embarrassed by text) some mums explaining who I am and the reason of my call. And those very kind mums, take it well. But it’s harder for them to say no as they were contacted directly no through a simple card invitation. Some parents are fed-up by constant parties (it’s expensive presents, cards, wrapping paper for every party), and I took away for them the possibility to avoid that expense. So I find myself in a delicate situation being that mad woman or having a party just with my friends children and no one from her class. At the moment she’ll have 2 friends from her class, and a couple more from her school.
    What did I do wrong? Not knowing her friends name and the parents of her friends (she’s taking the bus to go to school). I believe she has friends but who? She’s not really talkative (unlike me…) and I don’t want to force her, maybe I’m wrong.
    Am I the only one facing this challenge?


    I understand the schools idea on this but can you not go in and hand the invitations to the teacher and let them put it in the bags of the children who will be invited, i know this is done in my ds school as it eliminates the "i wasnt invited tosuch and such party".

    You will have to ask her who her friends are, or even more so just ask her who would she like at the party, now if you cant do the above im sorry but i dont have any suggestions for you as i dont know any of my ds’s friends parents at all. Or how about asking the children that she has gone to parties?? That way you already have their names or she will anyway 🙂

    Good luck with it all.


    She was invited to only 1 party from a classmate. And that friend is coming to her party. Some kids are invited to too many parties, she’s having too few invitations, at least I have some friends with children and she goes to those parties, and they’ll be to hers.
    She won’t be alone at her party. It’s more me who’s worried that she might not have friends in her class, her teacher told me she’s not lonely but she’s the youngest in her class and doesn’t get invitations, so I ask myself questions. I should relax more and just see that she seems happy. When I was a child I was always alone. I had only 2 friends in primary school, was happish, I’m still friend with one of them 30 years later, even if we’re living far away from each other. So maybe 1 real friend is enough, but it’s sometimes difficult. As a mum I want my kids to have an happier and better life than I did when I was young.
    She’ll enjoy her birthday anyway.
    And you, do you get too many or too few invitations for your son?

    Thanks for reply.


    My ds is 8 in couple of weeks and i must say he hasnt gone to many parties this year or last, i dont know if the parents are haing them or if he just isnt invited to them, either way i cant let it bother me or id go mad thinking "oh my child isnt liked etc etc"

    im similar to you, in school i only had 5 close friends and to this day they still are my best mates 20 years on. I only ever had parties at home when i was younger and was only allowed to invite a certain amount of people from school!

    Your dd will be fine, you will find that invitations do start flowing in you will curse every single one of them 🙂


    you know things like this go around everyone’s head….and sometimes people who know alot of people don’t really have a lot of friends….that sounds bad but you may find that there are people who know loads of people and you may have only one or 2 friends…..for example i know loads of people however i’ve only a few friends really, ones that i would call friends…in school i hung around with a group of girls we’d have a laugh but only now after school has finsihed 10years out i would actually still only have contact with one or 2 of them who i would call friends……
    it’s hard to make real friends easy to meet people….some people are nice and some are loyal and i think that people should focus on the loyal friends rather than on the amount of friends they have…..

    anyway regards your daughter perhaps ask her who she would like to have at her birthday….she may tell you just the one person she already has invited to the party…..she may have friends in school but has choosen this one person as her real friend….some kids love other kids they got on well and play with all the kids in the class but if it came down to one child they would like only to play with that one child…..and that’s perfectly fine too….my ds is quite socialble loves other kids, but i find there are only one or 2 kids that he will stick to and will ask for. he loves all his friends in school and not doubt when he starts proper chool the same thing will happen…..they seem to find their match and they are happy with that, it’s only when they are older that they start to branch out and work in groups together….
    the whole pressure of having x y and z at the party is really down to the parents…they are the ones that force kids to have x y and z at the party and sometimes forget that it’s the child that can decide for themselves….
    i wouldn’t be worrying about it, it’s your daughter’s first year in school if i can recall and in a few years she may want the whole class at her party and you’ll be saying no way…but for now let her ask the one or 2 people and you have your friends kids over and i’m sur she’ll be contented……and don’t be worrying what other parents think, and there no matter what will always be a click….you perhaps will notice that some moms always talk to one another when out and you may feel a little left out….
    but it’s a case of recgonising that and if you talk to them and they still don’t involve ya then you know they are doing the same with their kids,
    so don’t be panicking…. and i hope she has a lovely party.


    Thank you all for your reply.
    I’m feeling a bit better now.
    And you right it is about real friends, and not about the amount of people you know.

    She’ll have a great party, and hope she’d like the present we got her (french books…), The same that were in her nana’s house and she read them with us over and over again (sometimes we had hope to have a break, but no).

    Talk again soon.
    there is a mum’s night out friday 8th, I’ll be there, who esle?


    The party went well, she had 5 friends from school.
    She was so happy to see her friends from school.
    And about the presents, she didn’t expect any. So it was a nice bonus.
    She loves the books we got for her, she even sleep with them.


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