Miscarriage topic on Gerry Ryan show 10am, this morning

[Jedt]

Hi all,

Dave (aka Evil Admin!!) will be featuring on the Gerry Ryan show this morning discussing miscarriage and how it affects Dads. He will be chatting with another Dad and Gerry – who have all been through it so it should make for an interesting topic of discussion.

Just thought I’d let you all know incase you are near a radio.

[Mimi]

I was so impressed by Dave and Lorcan this morning on the Gerry Ryan Show. It was so refreshing to hear these caring men expressing their feelings in public about their miscarriages. I was in tears listening to them and it brought itall back to me forty three years later. I had my first miscarriage at 12 weeks, exactly a week after our car hit and killed a lovely collie dog on the road on our way to Cork. It gave me such a shock that I think it must have triggered it. Back then, there were no supports like the Miscarriage Association or bereavement counselling like there are now and l can see that neither of us dealt with it properly. We just got on with things. Luckily we had a lovely baby girl a year later but we had a second miscarriage four months after she was born. It was at a very early stage but again, we did not express our grief in any form. I went on to have three more lovely, healthy and happy children and now am a grandmother of six. However, I often wonder what those lost babies would have become? Then again, I say to myself that maybe I would not have had my two youngest if I had not lost the first two. I cannot imagine not having them either. I have suffered the loss of both parents, both brothers since 1981and my best friend and I am beginning to realise that I probably require bereavement counselling since I can still "fill up" fairly easily when I think of them. My husband has never discussed the miscarriages with me nor I with him. He is the most wonderful, caring man and I can understand his reluctance to bring these topics up as he would not be able to handle it either. Anyone else with these feelings forty three years later?

[Jedt]

Hi Mimi,

You are so brave to share your feelings. I am in tears just reading what you wrote. My mum lost a baby 35 years ago and was not ‘allowed’ to talk about it then – but she admits is still something she thinks about now and as times have changed, she can talk about it now.

Likewise, at the time, my Dad just got on with it. After it happened they soon had me to distract them but they never dealt with it back then so when they read our book, ‘We lost our baby’ it brought it all back to them and they both felt so sad that they cried. Not just for their lost grandchild but for their own baby who they lost so long ago. So I guess it does not matter how long ago it happened, it is still a big loss for a parent.

Miscarriage and bereavement affects everyone differently but you have had a lot of losses to deal with over the past few years so it might help you to talk to a professional about it. Have you spoken to your GP about recommending some counselling?

I went for some counselling after I lost my baby and found it really helpful. It is good to talk to a professional as they can help you express your grief and that in itself can be very therapeutic and help start the healing process.

Good luck and take care.

[Mimi]

Thank you, Sabbi for your support. I really appreciate what you and your husband must have gone through. Take care.

[Author]

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