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Hi Everyone,
I’m new to Mumstown and to posting comments on blogs etc. I just saw the subject on this post and it summed up exactly what I was wondering.
I had a miscarriage on 4th Feb at 13.5 weeks and it was such a devastating and traumatic experience. I spent 3 days in hospital where I had an injection to contract my uterus and tablets to expel tissue. After what seemed like a huge amount of blood loss I was sent home to return a week later for a scan to check that everything was gone. When I went back I was told that there was still a lot of tissue and that I would have to be re admitted for a 2nd course of tablets. The 2nd dose did not work and I ended up spending a further 4 nights in hospital. Eventually they carried out a D&C and I went home.
It’s almost 6 weeks since it happened and I am worried about how low I am feeling. I am quite unwell with a throat infection, but more worryingly I feel emotionally low. I burst into tears very easily and am finding it hard to concentrate or even have much interest in things that are going on. Has anyone else felt like this and how long for? I was hoping that things would start to get easier by now.
(I hope it’s ok to post this story here and that I’m not overshadowing the original post)
Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear what you went though shelleycakes, thats just horrid.
Its bad enough going through a miscarriage but all that in and out of hospital for tablets and scans but have been draining and devastating.
Having a miscarriage can not only leaving you feeling low emotionally but also physically. When I went through our second miscarriage, I had a D&C and ended up back in hospital with some sort of virus or infection a few days later – they were not exactly sure what it was but I ended up being in hospital for 3 days with that. I was totally and utterly shattered and exhausted.
My period came every 2 weeks for a while and I just had no energy at all. I went to my doc and he recommended anti-despressants to help me sleep but I was not sure this was the right fix for me so I went to see an acupuncurist instead. He was amazing and after a few treatments, my periods were back to normal and I was feeling much better. His details are Mark Bell and he is in Drogheda – http://www.markbellacupuncture.com/?utm … n=ButtonAd
it was other mums who recommended me to go to him and I am so glad they did, he really helped me.
One good tip he gave me at the start of my sessions was to sit with a hot water bottle at my back in the evenings – he said that having heat at my back would help increase my kidney function and it would help me feel better. I started doing this and found it did help – so maybe that is something you can do now and it might make a small difference.
So sorry you are feeling this way, if you need to talk you can come on here anytime and share how you are feeling. Sadly alot of us mums know what its like to go through miscarriage and we understand how you are feeling.
hope you feel better soon.
Hi Shellycakes
Very sorry to hear about your loss.
As mentioned earlier in the thread, we would recommend The Miscarriage Association http://www.miscarriage.ie they are very good.
So sorry to hear all these stories on loss, unfortunately something I too can empathise with.
On both of mine I did find that taking the time to come to terms with your loss and then allowing yourself (albeit a struggle) to go back to work and normal routines the best therapy in the long run.
Also being able to talk to others in a similar situation was invaluable, it really is something that more people than you know have gone through or know of people who have gone through.
Also very tough when others around you are pregnant and due at the time you would have been due, I myself had to attend christenings, boy what a kick in the teeth that was!However do your best to be positive around these people as they will be feeling awful knowing that you have lost while they have been lucky. Believe me you will begin to feel better and where you will not forget about your loss you will learn to deal with it and move forward.
I fell pregnant again within 5 months of my second miscarriage and went on to have a very healthy (and quite the handful) baby boy.
There was no medical explanation for my losses, put down to ‘one of those things’.Thank you for your posts ladies. I’ve decided to make more of an effort to be positive. I had a good chat with my husband and I am going to look after my health by eating better to try to build my immune system back up. I know this will take time but it will be worth it.
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I’m not sure how I feel about acupuncture but I will certainly visit the Irish miscarriage website for support. I can’t help but wonder if my age played a part in this? It took over a year to get pregnant and at 38 I’m wondering if it will take another year and if this is more risky now? I guess maybe that might be something I need to ask the Dr about or look up on other websites. Maybe some of the ladies on mumstown might have had a similar experience?
Glad you have a partner you can talk to, its so important to be able to talk about how you are feeling and not let it build up.
Eating well, exercising and looking after yourself will all help you feel better and will get your body in good shape for getting pregnant.
Hopefully because you got pregnant last time, you will be able to get pregnant again and your age will not be a factor and all will go ok on the next one. Just give yourself some time. It took a few months after both my losses before I got pregnant again, I think my body just needed time to heal.
I was very reluctant about the acupuncture but I felt so awful and after hearing a few mums saying it was good I decided to give it a go. It worked for me and made me feel so much better. I remember feeling limp and drained before I started and it really helped me get my cycle back on track so I thought I would mention it. If it had not been recommended to me on here, I know I would never have tried it myself.
Please come on here anytime you feel upset or down about things. You’ll have good days and bad days and thats natural and the best thing to do, is share how you are feeling so you can get some support. xx
HI Shellycakes,
So sorry for your loss and that you’re feeling so low. When it comes to age and miscarriage we all have different stories to tell and more often than not there is simply no explanation. I know this is very frustrating when you are going through it; and even happy endings, you hear form other people, don’t always offer consolation to you at the time. I had two children without too much hassle, with one miscarriage in between the two of them, followed by, over a period of four years, numerous miscarriages occurring from 5 weeks up to 12. For the last year I didnt get pregnant at all, but then at 41 years of age, it happened for me; I am now 33 weeks pregnant.
I cant say my miscarriages were because of my age; I cant say that they weren’t. All I can say is that I never gave up hope. While my attitudes changed over the time from frustration, feeling really low, desperately wanting answers; longing to know what the outcome was going to be; I also over time came to have a certain level of acceptance, but I never gave up.
I sincerely hope and pray you get your happy ending too. IN the meantime you will feel what you feel; and its important to go throw your own heart felt emotions. I hope over time you feel better and can move on.
Wishing you the very best of luck and keep us informed here.There is great support for couples dealing with the loss of their baby on http://www.miscarriage.ie
Hi everyone.
Whenever I hear of someone having experienced a miscarriage I always think that, considering how many people experience it and live through it, there seems to be a vacuum in conversation about it. It is a topic rarely discussed, and when it is discussed it’s often spoken about in hushed tones or the topic is changed after a certain pause. In Ireland we often act as though sadness is contagious, like a virus – if we don’t talk about it we won’t catch it. But remaining silent, or closed off to something that can affect anyone hoping to have children, leaves a vacuum in our social discourse and doesn’t let those directly affected speak up without great effort.
There are tens of thousands of women in Ireland, of all ages, who have experienced miscarriage. If they were in relationships when it happened, their partners were also devastated by the loss. Apart from the physical trauma that having a miscarriage can leave upon the body of a woman who has gone through it, the devastation of losing a child that was wanted and hoped for is in itself a scar.
But it doesn’t have to remain a vacuum of speech. Whether being a little more open to not hushing our voices, or raising them, we can forge a path for everyone in order to deal with this a little better on all levels. And I suggest, should anyone wish to, to speak with a mental health professional one to one if it’s something you want to try and find a way of living with that is not so overwhelming – to fill the vacuum with speech that supports living with the loss.
Joe
I spoke with a counsellor at the hospital after my first miscarriage. I was so angry and upset about it. First of all, I was devastated that we had lost our baby, especially as we had seen a heartbeat at one point and that gave us hope that our baby would survive. But I was also very angry because we were treated so very badly by the hospital during our miscarriage.
When I was miscarrying, I was in the emergency room as I was losing alot of blood and was having labour like cramps. I was in there for approx. 4 hours before I was deemed to be over the worst and admitted to a ward. During that whole time, my husband was made to wait in reception and was not allowed into me even once. I had to go through all the pain and bleeding and despair alone. I asked them to let him in, just to hold my hand and support me and they said no. They explained it that husbands and partners are only allowed in to the ER is a baby is beingborn in a hurry but not for miscarriages.
When I was wheeled out of the ER, my husband was sitting in the waiting area and he asked me if our baby was ok – they had not told him I had actually lost our baby, so that was left up to me to do.
I felt it was terrible that the staff separated us when we needed to be together and also, that they didn’t even have the decency to tell him what was happening. It was horrific for me telling my husband that I had lost our baby. I felt responsible in some way.
When we left the hospital the next day, they did not tell me about The Miscarriage Association and they did not offer me any support or tell me about counselling services. I was sent home and told to ‘rest and have plenty of cuppas’ until I felt better.
6 weeks later, brimming with anger, fury, confusion and afraid to grieve for fear that if I started crying, I night never stop, my husband suggested I speak to a professional counsellor.
I rang the hospital and they booked me in to see someone. I was only dong it to please my husband I think but once I got there, I realised I did really actually need to talk to someone about it.
She suggested I keep a diary and this became a turning point for me. I poured all my feelings in to that diary every day and she said I should end each entry with someone positive, something that I was thankful for so that would be the last thing I thought about as I went to bed.
There are 50 miscarriages every day in Ireland and it is a terrible experience for the women and men who go through it.
It is so good to speak to someone and talk about how you feel and let out the shame, guilt, sorrow, anger, frustration or whatever feelings you have about it.
I felt guilty, like it was somehow my fault and the counsellor made me see that was not true at all and that helped me some to terms with what had happened.
If anyone is struggling with dealing with a miscarriage or any stressful event in their life, Joe would be a great person to talk to.
It helps to talk it out and get things off your chest.
Hi Sabbi,
I think you’re incredibly brave to be able to speak about something so personal and difficult with others here. The human element is often treated as secondary in hospital situations in general and this can intensify what is already a harrowing thing to be going through.
It’s good to hear that you are doing so well and that, though your husband was treating in such an insensitive way, you were able to support one another.
Wishing you well,
Joe.Thanks to Spin radio for having me on today to talk about miscarriage and how it affects couples and also, to give us the chance to mention all the support for people affected by miscarriage
you can log on here to chat or read other posts
you can contact Miscarriage association at http://www.miscarriage.ie
and you can talk to Joe Cleary, our resident psychoanalyst and psychotherapist and his website is http://www.joecleary.ie/
HTH
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