Working mothers guilt….do you feel it?

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  • #9995
    MUMMY5
    Member

    Just talking about his topic today and its an interesting one. Its still a bit of a taboo subject and one women sometimes don’t feel comfortable talking about, especially if they are one of the many, many mums who feel so guilty for leaving their young baby in childcare to return to work after maternity leave. Women can still feel that childcare discussions and work don’t go hand in hand and it can still be hard to ask for time off for family reasons i.e. your children need you for whatever reason.

    I know I always dreaded the end of my maternity leave and having to ‘arrange’ childcare with a new addition. I felt so heartbroken that first morning leaving my baby, yet happy at the thought of getting back out into adult world of work again. I always missed my children so much, even though I knew they were happy and well cared for. Those morning tears and cries of ‘Mam, don’t go, come back’ broke my heart leaving for work.

    Do dads feel the same as us mums….I know my other half said he never felt guilty leaving for work…but then he said I always looked after childcare or was the stay home mum myself on different occassions. I asked him how would he feel if I had to work early and finish late every day and he was responsible for the childcare……he thought it would be so very hard to leave your child and hear them crying for you, even though he knows its all part of what children do and that they would probably be fine in minutes.

    I know one mum who was honest enough to admit she loved her children but would go mad caring for them herself and had to return to work for sanity not financial reason….at least she was honest.

    #104165
    Taylor5
    Member

    I know someone who says the same, she said she loves her kids but for the sake of a happy home and grounded kids she loves getting away from them for 8 hours a day 😆 😆 😆

    my sil has a great job and she has to get the kids up out of bed before 6am to get them to the creche and then the commute into Dublin 4…. she said she feels so quilty and breaks her heart to lift them out of bed on cold mornings!

    i do think the whole childcare issue is classes as a womans job, in this house i plan the bills, what gets paid, who we are with for utilities, what santa brings, day trips, where we are going to see santa….. i will tell or show dh everything and he is "oh yeah thats great or no i dont like that etc" But saying that he would say to me oh im doing this in the playroom or im doing this in the garden
    So think there is a clear divide on men and womans roles in this house 😆 😆 😆
    There are days when i think… God i think i’ll go back to work 😆 😆 😆

    #104199
    yummymummy
    Member

    I only went back to work when ds was 2 and at that it was evening work so he was at home with is dad.
    Now I only work part time and finish when ds is still at school but his dad collects him and I pick him up at 5.

    If Im honest I dont think I have ever felt the "working mothers guilt".
    I am there when he wakes up and there when he goes to bed. If he is sick then I dont go to work ( which thank god is very rarely and my boss is very understanding).

    I need to make a living as it is just the 2 of us. Ds knows that and has at times asked me to pick him up from school which I do sometimes, but also he needs to see his dad and spend time with him also so this to me is how we as a "broken family" per say achieve a happy medium.

    I dont intend on ever having any more children but if it did happen, I cant ever forsee myself being a SAHM, is just not for me.
    I would be like that person your talking about mummy5 🙂
    Altho in saying that now my ds is older and in school while im at work I guess that doesnt really come into play anymore.

    No guilt in my house 🙂

    #104202
    Waffy1
    Member

    I returned to work when my son was 4 months old as i’m self employed. Did find it very difficult at first but I am one of those mums who absolutely adores my child but would go off my rocker if I was at home with him 24/7. Personally I need to work for my own sanity! In saying that I only work 3 -4 days & work my own hours as i’m responsible for all the childcare. I probably did feel guilty in the early days but now I see how much he loves the creche & it’s a great way to interact with other children. I suppose i’m lucky in that he’s not there from 7 am to 6pm every day.
    So to sum up….no I don’t feel guilty, He’s having a great time while i’m getting some adult time as well… even though it does entail work!

    #104265
    mammycool
    Participant

    Hi there,

    I work as a consultant – which used to involve getting up at 6am, leaving the house and being away a 14hour day – or even several days in a row. Possibly even out of the country. My husband works shift – which changes every single week. The days even change – he could be off during the week and working weekends.

    Obviously, this is no job to be in when you have children. When my ds was born – I changed my job. I am now a support consultant, with an office setup at home. This works out great – I get my kids up at their usual time, drop them 2mins down the road and am back at my desk by 9. I finish at 5.30 and can collect them within minutes.

    I used to work 5 days a week. I did miss my little man but I had to work. My MIL drove me daft – every single time I saw her, she went on about the poor child and that woman minding him. The guilt was unreal.

    It did not actually work out with the woman minding him, so switched to my mam – 10 mile drive to drop off and pick up each day.

    After dd, I switched to a three day week. Got the woman nearby and ds is now in playschool. Working keeps me sane – my house is very busy and regularly a battlezone of bored toddlers and sibbling rivalry.

    DH always picks them up early afternoon when he is on an early shift or drops them off in the afternoon to the minder if he is on a late shift. So really they are only minded for 3 half days.

    Although I am severly broke these days, I could not work full time – as per Taylor – I do all those things but also have a job. If I worked full time, I would spend all my "time off" doing all the household chores and not enjoying my children.

    Recently, I had to spend two days on site in Galway – the guilt of getting my children up early was terrible. They were worn out and grumpy by the time I got back each day.

    #104329
    Taylor5
    Member

    Mammycool your post made me laugh, my SIL is a real high flyer in AIB (she has a great job and AMAZING perks!) she is a real soft touch when it comes to smart comments….. she was up here for dinner a few weeks ago and was telling me how upset she was that our MIL keeps making comments how my kids are very happy kids bla bla bla and this is because they are looked after at home…. the woman give me oh J’s kids are so social and mix so well and i think creche kids have great social skills 😯
    She says one thing to me and the opposite to SIL…. the wagon! Sil was in stitches and couldnt believe it, she is taking all the comments with a pince of salt now, but these little things did upset her alot and having to get the kids up before 6am breaks her heart

    I think you have to do what works for you

    #104340
    libby1
    Participant

    I don’t feel guilty about been a working mam
    I work 4 days, i couldn’t stay at home… I wk Mon – Thurs – 8:45 to 4:30 — its very flexible, very family friendly as well

    I am off when kids are off – midterm / days off – i take 4 weeks over the summer hols.

    I really enjoy what i do (most days)….
    I enjoy been off one day a week…..

    I feel my dd and ds are not one bit neglected… The fair out as good if not better than anybody else… I enjoy Adult company as well

    There is different strokes for different folks…….

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