What keeps you going??

Home Forums Pregnancy Loss, Bereavement & Depression What keeps you going??

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  • #9952
    foxychick666
    Member

    Just throwing this out there…

    What keeps you going and gives you hope? I have had 2 Mc in 6 months.
    Just wondering what gives you the strength to keep trying :)

    #103863
    Almae
    Member

    foxychick666 , i could not read and not post.. so sorry for your losses..x

    #103868
    Jedt
    Member

    Today I met a gorgeous mum of mine who lost a baby last year at the end stage of her pregnancy. She is one of the nicest people I have ever met and it made me wonder, why would someone so lovely have to go through such heartache?

    She is genuinely so sweet and was sad about her loss but trying her best to get on with things. She and her partner have been trying to get pregnant for the past few months and today, she told me the good news – she is pregnant.

    I am so absolutely thrilled for her and it really brightened up my day to see her so happy.

    I am still very sad about my miscarriage earlier this year but seeing her and hearing that wonderful news gave me some hope that nice things can still happen for couples who have been through such sorrow.

    Foxy – I hope good things lie in store for you soon. xx

    #104125
    soccermum
    Member

    It seems like you need to build up your strength again. I mc twins and fell apart. But I did find the strength within to pick up the pieces. I made an appt to see a consultant and asked all the questions I needed answers to and it really helped me to understand a little more. She explained to me that a pregnancy with a Chromosomal abnormality has a 95% probability of ending in miscarriage. Most chromosomal problems happen by chance, have nothing to do with the parents. She said, the emotional turmoil of this happening again is what makes us question should we try again and only you as an individual know when you feel emotionally ready for this. As your body repairs itself very quickly but your heart takes longer to heal.
    I hoped this helped you in some way.

    Keep strong

    #104139
    Taylor5
    Member

    Sabbi love hear news like that, mc happen to good people… just look at what you have done for others since your, things happen for a reason and yours was to support others… that should be your strenght to carry on xxxx

    Soccermum sorry to hear about your loss, it cant be easy. Did you see last weeks sunday world. A Couple who lost twins 35 mins after their birth set up a group for parents who had still born or infant deaths, from their loss they helped others, i will post the site up if you girls want

    Foxychick666 i found the months following my mc the hardest and this year 3 years on has been even worse, dont understand this at all…. Love your question and its very very relevant in the current climate, How do people keep going?

    I feel im very lucky my dh still has a job, we have our home and keep our bills paid (thats sad that something like that makes me feel lucky but alot of folks out there arent so lucky)
    I have my 2 boys, 1 before my mc and one after mc…. i love them BOTH to bits, but ds2 hold a special place in my heart, he is my miracle baby…. only last night i stood and watched them both sleeping and i could have stayed watching them forever!
    There is so much doom and gloom and some very sad stories going about (just listen to Ryan Tuberty show doing the toy appeal for xmas) The simple pleasures of a fridge full of food, the heating on and being part of a happy, loving and healthy family (touch wood)
    I think we need our faith to keep us going when times get though, but we also need to look at life as the glass is half full not half empty…. move forward looking at what we have not looking at what we haventxxxxx

    #104148
    soccermum
    Member

    "We loved a love that was more than love.." It’s my mantra for when I feel low. I seen the paper, Taylor thanks

    #104154
    Maria30
    Member

    Foxychick so sorry to hear of your losses.

    My two boys and my dh keep me going. Not sure how I would have could with my miscarriage if I didnt have my boys. My mumstown friends have been great too. Taylor and Sabbi sharing their stories with me helped so much. It was great to hear that other people have survived a similar experience even if it is with emotional and phyiscal battle scars.

    I still have bad days and still want to know why it happened to me and my baby. I suppose the unanswered questions dont help as I think its hard to move on when you dont know why it happened.

    #104162
    Taylor5
    Member

    Thanks Maria… i rememeber after my mc, NOBODY had posted up here about mc, i poured my heart out as i was sick of the whole taboo about mc…… it was like opening pandorasbox, couldnt believe how many other mums and dads had gone through the same.

    I know its easier said then done, but i found getting pregnant again help me cope, i can never wish my mc didnt happen as i wouldnt have gotten pregnant with ds2…. i often look at him eating out of the bin or the dogs bowl and thank God that it DID happen, he is just unique!!! 😆 😆 😆 😆

    Maria i know you have questions and never got the answers, but on those days when the same ones pop into your head…… count your blessings you didnt get an answer, with not getting an answer to why it happened means there is no major reason and nothing to stop you going again….. its a case of no news is good news 😉

    #104209
    Mark Acu
    Member

    Hi Foxychick666 I am truly sorry for all you have been through in the last while and cant imagine how you must be feeling but you have brought up a very good subject and one which needs to be discussed more and more.

    There are very moving and deeply personal comments here and its something which we should encourage mothers and fathers to do. I treat quite a few people in the same situation and it is amazing how little support there is out there for it. Soccermum your experience with your consultant was great and its more of that which is needed. The human heart break involved is massively overlooked in Western Medicine.

    Many of the parents coming into my clinic feel guilty about wanting to talk about it as they feel they should be over it. What’s really happening is society are making them feel like they should be over it. Pop your head out you’re window now and see how many Mr or Miss averages you see probably none. Everyone is different and there is no manual on this one at all.

    In Chinese Medicine miscarriage is treated as a major trauma to the body as that is what it is. There is no difference in a mental and physical pain within Chinese Medicine. Mentally this situation it is incredibly difficult. An example I use is a Volcano. When emotions are held in they build and build up until they reach their limit and how they manifest varies with each person. It could be anger, migraine, sleep problems, IBS, depression to name but a few. As everyone is different reactions to situations will be different too. One thing is certain when emotions build up they will somehow find a way out. In that case, they are controlling you. Taking control back and working with the signals your body is giving you and working with Chinese Medicine in this way helps you take control back and gently guide your body mentally and physically back to health.

    It is a subject I am becoming more and more passionate about and that fact that I am a man doesnot take away from my passion. I am hoping to work on possibly developing a support meetings facility for parents locally over the next few months. Its at early stages and will keep the site posted.

    Take care

    Mark Bell
    http://www.MarkBellAcupuncture.com

    #104211
    Jedt
    Member

    Thanks for that Mark.

    Its a relief to see miscarriage being recognised as the hugely traumatic event it is – so many people think you can brush it under the carpet and move on quickly but it is not that easy and for many couples, they feel it as a profound loss and it is hard to move on from.

    A very interesting and thought provoking response, thanks for sharing it.

    #104237
    foxychick666
    Member

    Thanks for all the replies. Really appreciate it, its great to hear other people’s opinions in this situation.
    In my experience, I have found people expect you to be normal again after a few weeks. As a result, I only talk about it to certain people who actually listen!! People are very quick to judge you when you are down and I have found that some people avoid you altogether.

    I have come to my own conclusion that I will move on when I am good and ready and I have to pick myself up in my own way. I have taken comfort from a few people who have been very kind and thoughtful. My DH and family have been great. I have surrounded myself by supportive people and it works, for me. I am trying to be positive, even though some days I feel like a failure. I have no kids yet and would love, even one to hold.

    I have found reflexology useful to de-stress and take some of the pressure off myself and I am taking things a bit easier.

    Best of luck to all of you in your journey to conceive, its a tough one for all of us. Maybe Santa will be goods to all of us this year xxxx

    #104239
    Taylor5
    Member

    Foxychick666,you will have good days and bad. Dont feel guilty about the bad days, you have had a loss in your life and to grieve you have to ride the emotions… i was once told the feeling of loss was like a wind, some days its blows a gale other days just a slight breeze

    I did talk to other mums and many of us said "thank God" we had our mc’s on second or third pregnancies, i think to have a miss on your first pregnancy has to be the hardest of all
    You cant expect people to understand how your feeling, many people do avoid you (my sister in my case) but i think this is because they just dont know what to say, others just feel they have to say "something" even if its something stupid like "ah sure there must have been something wrong with it!"
    Fingers and toes crossed you wont have to wait too long to get your dream xxxxxxx

    #104319
    foxychick666
    Member

    Thanks girls for the advice, having a bad week this week. Hit a wall today and had a good cry and am feeling better now. Just felt like it was all getting on top of me.
    Going to stay positive (if I can!!) and take it easy for a while. It feels like no one really understands but am starting to pick myself up and hopefully look forward to the future .

    #104334
    Taylor5
    Member

    A good cry is good for the soul….. a day like today would have anyone feeling down.
    I found having a good cry in the shower was great (didnt like to cry around ds1) or bash your pillow about 😆 😆 😆

    #104393
    Maria30
    Member

    A good cry can really help, bottling it all up definitely doesnt help. I find writing about how I feel helps when I m having a really bad day or couple of days.

    I ve been the volcano and it does nothing to help you. It fecks up my sleep and sends me into a total depression. I ve also been the person who thought its been x weeks since miscarriage and I should be over it cos everybody else has stopped talking bout it etc so now I talk to dh when I feel the need to and not to anybody else really but I know that I can come on here and have a little rant about it if I feel the need.

    Taylor, I know what you mean about only getting answers if there was something seriously wrong but I m a control freak and always feel the need to know why stuff happened and what caused it.

    Mark, thats a great post and I think I ve been at all of those stages at some stage over the last few months. Good luck with the support meetings.

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