Home › Forums › National Chat › to give up work or not??
- This topic has 23 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 2 months ago by Taylor5.
January 21, 2011 at 8:52 pm #10794
Its such a hard choice to make, how will you feel after you make the move, will you miss work? Will you go mad at home? Will you miss the money? Yes to all of the above…. but will you be happy spending time with your DD? Will your dd be happy? Again yes to the above!
You really have to weigh things up, how much reall money do you have in your pocket after all your creche and travel cost… not much i’d guess!!! As HJS said you dont hear many people saying "i wish i spend more time in work" but always " wish i spent more time with the kids"
My ds1 is 5 and ds2 is 2, i never get a minute to myself and always busy and VERY HAPPY….. i have to say i spend most of my day laughing at some of the the things they get up to. Would i change if? No, it was the right choice for me, but now ds2 is getting older i will start looking to return to work part time, but not until he starts school….
My SIL could never stay at home, he HATED her maternity leave and wished her life away to get back to work
But if your even thinking about it, then you should try it…. take a few weeks off or go sick for a week or two and see how you feel?January 21, 2011 at 8:52 pm #108272
just wondering if anyone can share their experiences!! i went back to work after having my , who is now 17 months… after new year we got big pay cuts (funded by drugs task force so all money was cut!) my boss agreed i would only need to work 3 days to make up for the pay cut but now im wondering if its even worth it, by the time i pay the creche for 3 days and travel all the way to dublin inner city its hardly worth the cash..
on top of it all i started dd in creche and its been a nightmare, she didnt settle, i got a bad feeling about the place ad shes been sick the last week… so im now thinking about giving up work.. how did those who did give up work feel? was it the right decision,im worried ill go a bit stir crazy??? im planning on heading to some mother n toddler groups (bagel bar included) but wondered does anyone regret giving up work??
i just think i went thru so much to finally have my dd that i dont want to hand her to the creche when i can live without the money??
just ranting and sounding off i suppose!!!!!January 21, 2011 at 9:24 pm #108275FabienneMember
It will sound so typical answer,
but as you did it for the past 17 months, you know that beeing with your child is so rewarding.
Not working you will miss the grown-up part / talk.
But if you go to toddler groups you’ll meet mums who like you will want some grown-up time.
I’m a stay at home mum, working a tiny part-time (2 hours a week!, hours got cut).
As I say, I have a great life. We manage on 1 income, my kids are now in school, I meet my friends for tea and chat often, it used to be kids playdates / mummies chat. Now just mummies chat. Still have playdates afterschool. Because I’m not working I’m able to drive my kids during the week to various afterschool activities. My friend who works had to rush them and they do all the activities on a saturday.
It’s not better or worse it’s a different lifestyle.
The other day, my husband was telling me I should look for a job, but after taking in consideration the money I’ll make minus childcare fees, commuting fees, I’ll have for my family less than what I make with my 2 hours and Avon and no time left.
As well it’s because I could not find the job I love.
If my dream job (lab techincian / research assistant, but my experience in that field (biochemistry/biology) is a thing of the past) would be offered to me, I’ll take it in a second even without thinking does it worth it money wise.
But from what I read in your post you know what you want.
If you’re not happy about the creche, your daughter won’t be either.
And after what you went through, does it worth it to feel unhappy for couple of euros?
Let us know.
FabienneJanuary 22, 2011 at 8:10 am #108281MoonflowerMember
Yes I would agree with Fabienne…sometimes you have to ask yourself if it is worth the small amount of money you gain after all your costs are taken out when you work….
and like you say you have been through so much sadness & you want to enjoy every minute with yr DD………it took me years to conceive my DS & being a stay at home mum i knew it was what i wanted…& no money could ever pay for the time i have with my DS…..always shopping on a budget,for years had no car,now tatty old car 2 get me a to b but you cant put price on happiness in your childrens face….some children thrive in creches but you know yrself if your little one is not one of those children….
Fabienne & myself have had several conversations about this over the years & it is a tricky one but is it really worth the stress of your working days for just a few extra euro a week…you can honestly find ways to cut back & maybe not even notice those extra euros are gone…
yes at times you do miss the adult company & i often wish i could be like my DH & go to work & earn money but then I look at DS & no way would i give up my time with him unless it was a complete necessity…which I know it is for some people & may even be for me in future..who knows…
sure you will get some replies from mums who have given up work more recently & they will be ableto let you know other side of coin for sure…
good luck xJanuary 22, 2011 at 10:04 am #108289angelmumMember
i would agree with everything that has been said and i can honestly say you wont have time to go crazy,in fact you will wonder how you ever did both.i have foour kids and i gave up work shortly after the third was born.i missed work for the first week but after that i didnt get a minute to miss it.now i spend the days runnin around and trying to get things done when the kids are in school.i have my own little things i love doing in the evening like swimming and just gettin out for a walk when i put the kids to bed…….on a seperate issue you need to thing about moving your little one to a new creche if you are thinking of staying on in work.if she is clearly unhappy and you dont feel good about the place yourself go with your gut feeling.if she is happy things will look alot different for you.good luck though with both things,it will all work out and you will wonder what all the worry was for.January 22, 2011 at 10:32 am #108290JedtKeymaster
Its such a personal decision, you really have to ask yourself, what would make you happiest? What is best for you and your daughter? Can you manage on one salary? What does your husband think about it?
If you can, then its lovely to be able to stay at home, even for a year or two. She is at such a special age and its wonderful to stay at home and do all the things you want to do with her, like take her to play groups, go swimming, go for walks, play with her, bake cookies with her. All the small simple things that mean so much at this stage.
I gave up work for a few years when mine were small and it was great. I missed work a bit, the travel, the meetings, the bloody company credit card and dressing in nice suits and trousers etc and having adult conversations but what I got from being at home was fantastic. And I started meeting other mums and that enabled me to have the grown up chat I had been missing. Its important to interact with other adults or you can go a bit loopy!
I am back working now but am mostly home based and my hours are flexible so I am with my children alot and work everything around them, so for me, its the best of both worlds but when they were small, it was lovely to be able to stay home with them and just concentrate on them.
Hope you come to a decision thats right for you – you probably know in your heart what it is already….
See you Tuesday 1st Feb at Bagel Bar and you can probe us all for more information on the topic!! 😀January 22, 2011 at 11:56 am #108292hjsMember
When mums are considering giving up work, i think one area they don’t contemplate is the wealth of opportunities that will reveal themselves to them AFTER you’ve stopped working. You never know who you will meet, what interests you will uncover, the talents you will (re)discover about yourself and the avenues that will present themselves once you are mixing in new groups, reading different press/social media/local literature because you are not at work. And remember, giving up work is only, and just that. You are giving up THIS job, AT THE MOMENT, not condemming yourself to a lifetime of drudgery forever and a day. If, for example, you stop working now, for say three years, then return in some capacity to some job or other, then out of an entire working life of in and around 40 years, maybe more, for most of us, that’s not even 10% you are out of it.
You will never regret the time you spend with your child. How many times have you heard people after retirement, after their kids have grown and flown the nest, or on their deathbeds, say "How I wish I’d spent more time at work!", then compare with how many in similar situations regret "How I wish I’d spent more time with my kids!"
If you give up work, it’s up to you to tackle any boredom/stir craziness you may experience (tho I doubt you would). It’s easy to think that work gives us mental stimulation, and yes, can be harder to find that outside of work, but if thats what you want, you can find it if you try.
Best of luck!January 22, 2011 at 12:45 pm #108293MaryEMember
Im sort of in the same boat as going back to work in April after having second child.
I have asked to reduce my days from 5 to 3 a week and i personally think that is the best option for me. We will all have the best of both worlds.
I love my children but i love to get out on my own, even if it is to work, & i love having my lunch hour to myself to do as i please and to have my OWN MONEY – even if there is very litle left after the creche is paid.
I also think my son came on leaps & bounds since he started the creche, he has learnt so much there, made little friends, very social & is so happy there, although it did take him a while to settle down. He had previously been at a childminders till he was 16 month, it worked when he was a baby but as soon as he got bigger it didnt really work as he was the only child there. He needed to mix with kids his age and have much more activity.
Even when i was off on Maternity leave, i kept him there two days a week as he would be bored silly at home and its very hard to keep the constantly entertained. Playgroups are not the same.
Anyway thats my opinion for what its worth. Best of luck.January 23, 2011 at 7:58 pm #108345
thanks to you all for your replies… i think like a few of you said, my mind was made up but u know how sometimes u just need someone to agree with ye 😆 im lucky hubby has fairly successful company so the loss of salary wont really be that much of a struggle, i suppose it more of a personal thing of not earning my own money!! hubby very supportive of me giving up work and despite being scottish hes not really mean so suppose ill get used to speding his cash instead!!
dd is at such a fun stage that im sure she will keep me busy and ill look into things for us to do together… sabbi all that talk of baking cookies has me convinced… altho i better keep in at they gym if im gonna start that haha
now the bad bit of actually handing in my notice… my tummys in knots already… its a small team only 5 of us and weve been thru so much its like my little irish family.. then theres the kids i work with, i work with kids whos parents are active drug users and for many of them im the only steady thing in their life for the last 6 years… im dreading leaving them.. dont think hubby would approve if i just brought them all home!! 🙁
well thanks for all ur advice n making me realise how special it is to have time at home with her and iv nothing to loose by trying… wish me luck tomorrow…January 23, 2011 at 10:36 pm #108364FabienneMember
good luckJanuary 24, 2011 at 8:03 am #108372MoonflowerMember
best of luck scotsmum…a new chapter in your life about to begin… 🙂January 24, 2011 at 9:09 am #108374JedtKeymaster
I walk into the village and back, its a good 2 mile walk (or 2.5 if I go past the Village Hotel) so its a good idea to do that on the days you are planning the big cookie bake….alleviates the guilt 😆 😆
I walk in some afternoons so if you fancy some coming along for some company and a coffee let me know!
Good luck today, you are doing what will make you and your family happy and as hjs said, you can always go back someday, this is only while she is a little nipper. Enjoy it because time whizzes by…two of ours are in school now and the little one is in playschool – empty house in the mornings so getting plenty of work done as they are all gone but I do not regret stopping work and staying with them when they were small, it was amazing and I would not change it for a second!
Hope it goes well for you, your colleagues will no doubt be very supportive of your decision. xxJanuary 24, 2011 at 9:15 am #108375super minderMember
what about a childminder in stead of playschool /creshe .
cheaper and usally great for both parties if you get the right one.January 25, 2011 at 11:36 am #108456MartinaParticipant
I gave up working full time when my last dd was born. I think because it wasn’t a conscious decision at the time I did get it very hard to settle at the time. I missed financial independence, lunchtime shopping, adult company and being out and about and dressed smartly for work.
For my first DD I worked all through primary school. We never did after school activities, unless they were 7.00 p.m. onwards or Saturday Morning. I never got to see any of her school plays, didn’t get to help her get dressed after the school swimming lessons, go on any trips when she was in playschool etc. Yes we had more new clothes and a foreign holiday every year but no time in between.
My youngest is now in Playschool, so 3 years on. I’m here when the teenager comes in everyday half starved, period pained or whatever is on her mind. This week I’m transporting her between TY Work Exp. We’ve shifted our music lessons to earlier in the evening and Saturday we can do what we want.
I drop my youngest DD to playschool everyday and collect her, we go to Ballet on a Wednesday afternoon. I was there when Santa came to the Playschool, I’ll be going on the Annual Summer Trip. We go to feed the Ducks on a Friday afternoon and swim a couple of afternoons a week, we get to spend time together. Okay we don’t get new clothes as often but she doesn’t care as long as she has her Belle Dress anyway, lol. We’ve only been on 1 foreign holiday since she was born but we’ve had more adventures. Camping in Clare, Hostels in Donegal a house in The Gaeltacht.
Also on the personal side. I’m here, my house isn’t a palace by any means but its clean. I’ve developed a small celebration cake business, which is a universe away from doing Legal Accounting and I love it and I’ve time to be involved with my teenagers pursuits also. I’m involved in her Orchestra and I love my time with them. Sometimes I think I’m busier than I ever was working, lol.
Work full time or be a more time Mother… don’t have to think which I’d rather, no regrets!January 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm #103589
thanks again for all the posts, seems everyone who took the jump has enjoyed the time at home and being with the kids… i havnt handed in my notice yet… hasnt been the right time?? or maybe im still scared to actually finalise the decision… 2 things are on my mind.. im wondering if this decision is coming about becoz emotionally the last few weeks ahve been tough, many things happening that just brought stuff up for me so im wondering am i jumping into a decision becoz emotionally i want to sit at home and make up time with dd2 that ill never have with dd1?? also becoz im recently an emotional wreck i wonder if im home all the time will i fall to pieces?? after dd1 passed away i went bk to work after 4 weeks and fell pregnant 2 months later so iv been busy ever since she passed.. will i have too much time to think if im home all the time?/
ah girls im in a rut… think ill sit on it for a few days n have a good think…one minute im typing out my notice the next im convincing myself to stay home….
sabbi think ill bake those cookies as comfort food anyway!! and might take u up on the offer of a walk one day and fill ur head with my worries lol!!!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.