October 9, 2011 at 11:30 am #13080DroghedamammyMember
heehee, came across this, and know u will luv it ladies!!!
having read it, am worried that there isn’t a return policy with this bump!!!!
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a coin. Stick it into the cd player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.
PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your wardrobe full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.
PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest shop. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers!October 9, 2011 at 12:38 pm #117239rossylisaMember
😆 😆October 9, 2011 at 3:02 pm #117240chewieodieMember
Totally LOVE this! 🙂October 9, 2011 at 5:21 pm #117245JedtMember
that’s gas!!!October 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm #117248trixiebellParticipant
very good 🙂 😆October 9, 2011 at 8:19 pm #117250scole1Member
😀 😆 😆 😆October 10, 2011 at 7:55 am #117251munchinParticipant
😆 😆 😆October 10, 2011 at 2:36 pm #117269JedtMember
I have a few more to add, these all happened to me recently;
Smelling & looking bad:
Have someone spit up on your shoulder and down you back and walk around for a few hours, oblivious to the fact you have spit up all over you and smell really bad.
In a sleep deprived haze, putbaby arse cream on your face instead of your own proper face cream. (my hubby asked me why my face was so red & sweaty looking, obviously this cream not designed for faces!)
As new mums barely have time to get dressed, let alone dressed properly, walk around with your dress/skirt/tights tucked into your knickers. (Only when a gust of wind chills your backside, do you cop on you’ve been flashing everyone your mammy pants!) 😳
if you cannot handle about any of the above, you aint ready for motherhood!!!October 10, 2011 at 10:17 pm #117310pookie2Member
Hee hee – love that Drogheda Mammy!
Another one? Answer front door to postman / pizza delivery boy/ courier / mother-in-law (substitute as appropriate) blissfully unaware that naked boob hanging out…
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.