Temper Tantrums – how do you cope with them?

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  • #18103
    Jedt
    Member

    Our 3 year old isgoing through a very ‘expressive’ phase where she has a full on tantrum if she does not get her own way.

    She is getting very annoyed when things are not going her way and is hitting her big sisters and brother and throwing things.

    I know they all go through phases like this but when you’re in the middle of it, its hard to see the end in sight.

    We usually try to calm her down by crouching down to eye level with her and talking softly and reassuring her that we love her.

    That works a good amount of the time but not always.

    If you have any tips for settling temper tantrums in a calm way – especially when its happening somewhere public and needs more urgent attention than when at home – that would be great.

    Thanks

    #134325
    CA Coaching
    Participant

    This can be such a difficult issue for parents, especially when it is in public.

    First things first, I would look at dealing with the hitting and breaking issues. This type of behaviour is just not acceptable and should not be tolerated at all. There needs to be stern and clear consequences to this type of behaviour. Violence, even from a 3 year old, is never okay.

    It seems like you are handling the calm approach really well and as you describe, it works really well in the majority of cases, so keep it up. This should always be your first port of call when it comes to dealing with a tantrum.

    If this isn’t working, you can always bring the "consequence jar", which we have discussed before, into play. If you have been using the consequence jar (where you have a number of consequences written out on slips of paper and when a consequence needs to be applied, your child goes to the jar and picks one out), you can simply point out that if they continue this behaviour then they will have to visit the consequence jar when you get home…and for every minute that this tantrum continues, extra time will be added onto the consequence that they pull out. You can then begin, if they are continuing, to tell them that they are getting close to 1 minute (yes I know a minute is very long, so even if its only actually 20 seconds, you can let them know its close to a minute!), and remind them that there will be no TV, tablet etc when they get home if they continue.

    If this doesn’t work, I would simply take them out of the situation. Yes this is a very last resort, especially if you are out for dinner or at a friends house, but it has to be an option…followed up by severe consequences.

    Hope this helps!

    Allen

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