stigma attached to stay home mums

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    Why is there a stigma attached to stay home mums?
    Why so many people feel that’s not a real job or that women who choose to do that are just lazy?


    Lazy is the last thing a stay at home mammy is. Its full on 24/7. Children need so much looking after and its definitely a full time job. Its just because women don’t get paid for it that it is deemed ‘not a real job’.

    In some countries women get paid to be stay at home mams and in an ideal world, this would happen here too.

    It can be tough, unrewarding and exhausting and mammies do not get nearly enough thank yous for all their hard work.

    I certainly see it as a very hard job. Not as a lifestyle choice – as a job!!


    Sabbi I agree with you completely, unfortunately a lot of people both men and women look down on parents whom for whatever reason decide to be home to raise their children.
    It’s a very hard job.


    And I must add, in my opinion, the stress of being a Mammy is more than the stress in any job I have ever had.

    Squabbling kids, crying babies, little ones demanding food and entertainment (of different types and at different times of course!) and asking for trips to the shop or park or asking for toys you cannot afford or to go to places that are too expensive – well it can all be exhausting.

    Trying to keep the house clean while they go around after you messing it up is heart breaking. Somedays I wonder why I even bother? I could vacuum all day long and the place would still be dirty 😯

    And when you try to do something with them – like setting them up with crayons or markers to do some colouring so you can get some chores done or put the dinner on and then, realising they’ve coloured all over the walls when you weren’t looking – well thats really stressful as well!!!

    I don’t know any job outside the home where someone would throw food back at you (ok, maybe in the zoo they would?) or where someone would cry at you when they are tired or when they fall over. Where you are a cook, cleaner, educator, finance controller, shopper and a million other things all rolled into one but are not in any way paid for it (well, apart from the fabulous love and hugs & kisses from the children which is better than any salary anywhere!)

    Anyone who thinks stay at home mums sit on their backsides all day really has no idea…..


    Personally I think that attitude applies towards men as well as women – my hubby is a stay at home dad and he never stops……. think he had thought with kids in school he’d have more time 😉 but sure he’s trying to get as much as possible done during school time so he can be with them and do homework/afterschool activities etc……. he never stops.
    And then I also think as a woman you’re damed if you work full time and don’t spend "enough" time with your kids etc etc……

    At the end of the day – each family does what is best for their family dynamic – we didn’t expect things to be as they are – I don’t like working such long hours BUT my girls are happy out with their daddy and I’m very lucky to have him there supporting me all the way. 😉 😉


    I agree munchin, it can be even harder for SAHD’s. But your hubby is great, he is so good at taking girls to Mumstown mornings over the years – not all guys would have the courage to do that.

    I seem to have upset some people in Waterford this morning after a chat on WLRFM about this topic of Stay at home mammies and the stigmas they sometimes face.

    I think SAHM’s do face some prejudices and can be spoken down to at time and in certain situations but some people rang in to the radio to say I need to cop on that SAHM’s can be lazy and they have it easy?!!

    I challenged those people who said that to do the job of a stay at home parent for a week and then see what they say!!! 👿


    What annoys me is the fact that people think they can comment as they wish about the personal choices people make. If someone chooses to stay at home, how does that make them a certain type of person. It cuts both ways, I’ve had people say openly to my face that they don’t know how i could ‘walk out the door and leave a baby’ to go back to work. Eh, you don’t have to know, you don’t have to do it. As if my own decision wasn’t hard enough to come to, i don’t have to justify it to other people.

    I also think that being a parent is 24/7 no matter if you are at home or in work. Just because i work doesn’t mean i don’t have to get up in middle of night or have little ones following me to the toilet when i am home. And even though im in work, i still worry constantly about how my children are being cared for or how they are getting on in their day, conscious that in not always there to pick up the pieces if things go wrong for them. Its hard enough without other people giving you their opinions on what you are doing & why!!


    I was lambasted on the radio today for saying stay at home mums have a hard job. I was a SAHM for a few years and it was tough at times. Don’t get me wrong, it was very rewarding too but also, hard work.

    I now work – trying to be flexible around my children – so I am trying to balance being at home with working and that brings its own challenges. Sometimes I am working at home all day and other times I am out of the house for most of the day at events and meetings etc. It is a juggling act but most of the time, works well for us.

    Basically, I think women cannot win.

    We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t

    No matter what we do, everyone has an opinion and its often people with no experience or who only have experience of either staying at home or going out to work that feel they can judge the other choice.

    Either choice is difficult to make. Whatever we choose, we should be supported and paid, not looked down on or criticised.


    yep either decision is hard and totally agree we’re dammed if you do dammed if you don’t
    To be honest I don’t think I could be at home full time and totally admire people inc my hubby that are but I would like to be at home a bit more BUT I can’t have it both ways. I’m lucky in that although I work long hours – I have things set up so I bring work home and work at home when girls are in bed and I can also run out to things like parent teacher meeting today etc etc As I said earlier each family has to find whats right for them and I do think it’s wrong to generalise


    I agree Munchin. Every family has to find what suits them best. For us it made more sense for one of us to stayhome rather than to be out all day working and have the kids wake up at ridiculous hours and in the cold, have them spend their day at the creche or afterschool clubs as I do not have family around me to help at times and at the end of the day I wouldn’t earn enough to even cover the cost of childcare so I prefer to manage what I have as it is not forever, they grow up so fast.

    As some have said ‘it was your choice to have kids’ and that’s totally true and that is why it is me that has to choose what suits my family best.

    I think these people are either jealous or have nothing better to do all day and they pick on anyone for any reason to make themselves feel better.

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