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Hi there,
I’m doing a feature article for The Sunday Tribune Magazine and would love to hear from women who have become stay-at-home-mothers due to the recession. How are you dealing with the upheaval? Are you lonely or stressed? Do you miss your old life? Do you ever feel guilty for not always enjoying looking after your young children? etc etc
As a new mother myself, I know that being at home alone with a baby can be tough going and through the article I’d like to explore the isolation that some women feel when they unexpectedly find themselves in the role of stay-at-home-mum.
Feel free to PM me, email me: claireryan.features@gmail.com, or call me on 087 757 2349.
Thanks and best wishes,
Claire
I felt quite isolated when I had my first child. I was delighted with him but I felt disconnected somehow. I felt like I should be happy, I had a beautiful healthy baby but it was hard some days, it was very lonely.
I had gone from being a busy girl with a career and I had fully planned to go back to work after my maternity leave was up, as I loved my job but they made me redundant very suddenly and it was awful. On one hand I felt I should be grateful (and they actually said that to me at the time) but on the other hand, I lived 35 miles from my family and none of my friends had babies and I was so very lonely.
I missed the lunches & nights out with work and the social interaction it gave me. I worked hard to earn my degree and invested long hours to get to where I was in my career but all of a sudden because I was a mother, it was like I was no longer important. The HR person actually said I would probably be better off at home with my baby, rather than coming back to my job as a manager, as babies don’t sleep all night and can be sick etc so it would probably suit me better! The cheek of her, I still get annoyed when I think of her saying that to me. I had worked there for 5 years and managed 2 international teams but all of a sudden, they though because I’d had a baby I’d had alobotomy too!!
The thing is, that was not for her to say to me, it was my decision about whether or not I wanted to work and being made redundant took the control away from me and I did not like it being forced upon me.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a SAHM but I still wanted to work, even part time, I just wanted to do something for me.
I work from home now and have 3 kids and its a great balance most of the time. I do go out for meetings and events but I work it all around the kids so its the best of both worlds.
If I had not been made redundant, I would not be doing what I am now, so in the long run it all worked out for the best but back when it happened and I was forced out of my job, I felt awful about it.
Its hard on women, we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t!!
I became a stay home mum for more unusual reasons. I had my 3rd baby and was planning to return to my job partime like I always did after my children were born. What I didnt plan on was having a child with additional needs who needed her mum at home and to attend various medical appointments with her. It changed my life overnight. I was also very conscious I was forced into this role, there was no choice in it, I think this is why I found it so hard to adjust at first. I went from earning money to non-earning. I never saw myself as a SAHM full time and it was a shock. I did this from 1999-2006. In 2006, after sadly loosing my daughter with additional needs I found myself needing to get back out again for financial and personal fufilment reasons. I had my 5th baby in 2008 and decided I wanted to be with him and enjoy this special time in his life. After loosing my daughter I suddenly realised how precious my time with my children is. I now work from home and care for other peoples children also. I really enjoy being with the children but the fact I am ‘working from home’ does help me feel more better about my choices. I will work outside the home again, some day, and I look forward to it. But for now I take each day and enjoy caring for my own child and other peoples children. I know how hard it can be as a mum to leave your child when you return to work and I am glad to help other mums/dads return to work knowing their child is well cared for by me. I fill the ‘gap’ by doing some voluntary work and its really good to do the work I enjoy one evening a week.
I can relate to this big time!! I’m a stay at home single mum…my 1 year olds father lives abroad and has no contact….i feel very trapped some days, i would give anything to be able to get back to work but i cant afford the childcare fees on my own, i am going back to college in 3 weeks which cannot come quick enough….my son is my life but i find it very difficult not getting any sort of a break ever and trying to find babysitters when i do want to get out…none of my friends have children, i have thought about mother and baby groups but because i am a single mum it put me off as i feel a bit of an outsider already…sorry for the waffle….just having a bad day!!!!
God, there’s so many of us out there!! I have been a SAHM since I had my first child 6 years ago. I moved from Dublin to Drogheda when he was 6months old and suddenly found myself alone. DH was gone from 7 til 7 and I saw nobody until he came home. I started going to the mumstown coffee mornings but I didn’t make any friends out of it, I think I just wasn’t ready. But the support I got online was invaluable. I had PND so my confidence was very low. I decided to go back to work a few evenings a week, and whilst it was good to get out of the house and use my brain again I was in a job where I didn’t mix with other colleagues so I was still so lonely. Then just before had our second child we decided to move back to Dublin, to be near friends. However the sale fell through (it was just as the property bubble burst) and I was heart broken. I was only about threemonths pregnant and felt that the happier life I had envisaged was gone. So we had to make a new plan. My husband decided to leave the rat race and start his own business. He now works from home and it’s brilliant. We have very little money but me and the kids have him there. I also started to make a concerted effort to get to know people. It was so hard, that whole small talk at that start, but it paid off. I would urge any mam out there who feels the way I did to get out there, join mother toddler groups, go to coffee mornings….you’d be amazed how many other people sitting in the room are feeling exactly the same!!
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