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Did anyone catch the Ray D’Arcy show this morning, only caught a smidgen of it, they were talking about stay at home mums being lonely and depressed….did anyone tune in??
Would have liked to have heard this segment fully.
Hi I didnt hear it but i’m sure if you kept an eye out on the todayfm website it would be there as a pod cast and you could listen to it on that!
Hope that helps!!
SuzieQ 😀oh i’d say that would be interesting, being a stay at home mom can be lonely and depressing, so it’s important mums get to do something for themselves, or study to keep the mind active
It was about a Mum who emailed the show feeling very lonely. She has 3 kids under 5, lost contact with her workmates. Frustrated at how she can’t keep the house spotless, the washing up to date, cook fancy dinners for DH when he comes home. How the kids aren’t angels she looses patience with them from time to time… and then the guilt for not being happy with her lovelykids and the opportunity to be at home with them. She said she has no local friends to head over for a coffee to because nobody really wants you arriving on their doorstep with 3 tear-aways….
Loads of people texted in said they were in the same boat, advised her to get out, meet people, take a few hours a week to herself, join Mum & Toddler Groups etc. D’Arcy was surprised at how many responses he got from women how had gone through the same emotions.
It struck a chord with me because I’m at home now 4 years, it wasn’t planned – twas just the way it worked out and I still get it hard sometimes to deal with not having a separate life from the house. Your never off duty and you don’t get holidays because your work goes with you! Up until about a year ago my DH often came home and found me in tears because the house was upside down, DD wasn’t behaving, I can’t do anything right and then I must be a bad Mother why isn’t the ironing done, the dinner on time… I should be happy having all this time with DD not tearing my hair out for a few minutes on my own….
I’ve dealt with it now, I think, always make sure I get a couple of hours to myself each week. Involved myself with a couple of voluntary things which don’t take up much time but give me something outside the house to think of and then there is this website, you lot are always here for a chat and I love the Mother & Toddler every month in the Marshes… bit sad herself is gong to playschool in another couple of weeks, won’t have an excuse to go anymore unless I can come as a loner….
I work part time and co parent with my x and I get lonely and depressed most of the time. Just another spin on it !!!
Im a sahm to two wonderful boys, they test me to my limits everyday…. it could be sticky fingers all over the house or coming down the stairs head first or filling their ears with play doh…. but i wouldnt change it for the world. yes it can be depressing and lonely at times, but you can feel like this in a room full of people at times, its not the geography that can make us feel like this but our state of mind at the time iykwim
I have stressed about the house, the kids, having a good nice dinner for dh, being a wife, a mother, a lover, a friend etc…. we cant be perfect at all these things all the timeand at some point someone in our lives will feel left out and negleted…….. i have learnt to accept im not perfect and dont want to have a perfect life, just a happy and content one. You cant juggle all the balls in the air at once, if you try they will all end up crashing to the floor… something has to give. I clean my house and if the kids have it dirty an hour later, so what? I would have a home and happy kids anyday over a house thats clean
Think we have all been where that girl ls coming from, chill pill is whats needed and not to expect too much of ourselves….. think that girl needs to find mumstown 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆Definitely can relate to that girl aswell and I am sure every SAHM can relate to it in some way….
I used to feel bad aswell, but then I was always at home, never really went anywhere… and I have changed that by meeting more people, and getting out and about… basically, having some me time aswell, which is hard to find! That was the key for me, getting some control back on my life, doing things for me… don’t get me wrong my children will always be no 1 in my life and I would do anything for them, but you do need to think of yourself sometimes.And I do appreciate that its not just SAHM’s that feel like this, I did a bit when I was working when I had DD… you are working, coming home, having to clean, wash, get dinners, play with her and have time for myself and DH aswell…. could even be trickier to juggle!!!
I heard the segment and it hit a nerve with me…
Everything that girl has in her email i could have wrote it but with only 1 child with aspergers , adhd & dyspraxia, sometimes i wonder if hubby is a child too. 🙄
4yrs on I am still battling pnd , some days are a whole lot worse than others..i did text in a recommended , this site and 2 others.. but it wasnt read out.
I didn’t hear the show but reading the SAHM posts has hit a cord with me I am at home 4years now after I had my first child ds and then had a dd 15 months later (glutton for punishment). I found I was inundated with offers of help for babysitting when we had 1 babs but when 2nd child came along no one wanted to or cope with the two of them together so I hit a bit of a low especially as dd was 6weeks prem at xmas time and spent 2 weeks in special care (scary time). Dr’s advice is anti depressants, counselling and take time out of myself are they for real 2 kids, house and husband to feed after hard day’s work. I am still a bit low and very lonely I live in Balbriggan and am from England so have no family of my own here. In-laws are good but it’s not the same as own mammy to help out. Just a thought anyone need any help, advice or just an ear (or screen) this place is ideal for us. Trace
Trace nice to hear from you, you do sound like a busy girl. Im laughing reading your line about the gp telling you to get out and make time for yourself, my gp told me this for years and i would scoff " is he for real, time for a poo alone would be like winning the lotto, never mind time to get out of the house ALONE!!!"
Well earlier this year i did start to make the time, when dh would come in from work i would have the dinner ready and have cleared up and come 7.45pm i was gone, regardless what was going on in the house, Blue murder most times… but hey, i had to cope ALL DAY on my own dh would have to manage 2 hours (most of this time the kids were asleep) alone…. i would have the pj’s out or on, so it was just really face, teeth, stories and bed
Only after finding the time for myself am i starting to get better, it makes a huge difference… exercise is so good for your mood and a good diet too. Give it a try for a few weeks and see how you feel,Taylor5, thanks for the reply and am glad you are feeling better. Dh is good when he comes from work. I should even go round the block for half an hour on my own. I went down the street the other day for bread the kids were at home with dh and everyone i met said "out on your it’s OK for some". After the 3rd person said it I said it was the 1st time I had been out in a week coz of rain etc. Honestly some people. Look after yourself. Trace
Dont think people intend to say nasty things, maybe its strange to see you out without the kids iykwim.
Think your right get out and go for walks, anything just some time to yourself…. men take it for there hobbies without a second thought, but if you a SAHM you almost feel you have to ask to go out iykwim…. my husband is delighted when i go out, its just how i did feel at the start when going out alone…. now im like bye bye while shaking the screaming 1 year old off my leg and out the door, phew! 😆 😆 😆you have to find a way to carve out the time for yourself girls. No matter what. It can be a thankless job being at home – so give yourself the time to re-charge the batteries…it will do the whole house good!
regarding the comments….my top fave is "Isn’t he great!!" when people learn dh is home with the kids. Eh, they are his kids too! His ‘great’ factor seemed to go up a notch when the 4th baby arrived home – now he is especially great for taking ‘them all’.
*rolls eyes*lol Jene, he is great he’s a man…. 😆 😆 😆 😆
it’s gas though when you hear that, afterall he did help make them, he can help raise them….i know when i had ds2 and i had dh up feeding him and dh had to go to work, someone turned to me and said, oh do you not feel bad afterall he has to work and he’ll be tired…EH NO, i’m also tired i had an operation to have this child, i have another child to look after i never switch off, unlike he can in work for a lunch break…so no, he can muck in they are his flesh and blood…bedsides he doesn’t mind it’s his bonding time with the kids…but i do think mammies do need to take time for themselves, it does you the power of good, men get to do it all the time, (they have work and whatever) so in order to get away even for a walk, a class, a natter with a friend by god do it…
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