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I posted about this a few months back & I took advice on board & tried different things that were suggested like-
*being extra nice to the bully
*I also tried just saying hello in the am & bye in the pm & keeping my distance
*I’ve tried to help her if shes under pressure in work to decrease her workload but that just seems to anger hermore.Basically NOTHING I do is good enough, she is always trying to get me in trouble with management & bitches about me 24/7 with people that are my friends- who then tell me what she has said – I am actually thinking of asking my colleagues to stop telling me what she is saying about me as it is really getting me down.
I’m just fed up, I feel like im back at school. I really don’t know what her problem is with me, I know you cant get everyone to like you but I just don’t get why she has to be so bloody mean to me.
Anybody else got any other ideas on how to tackle bully without going through management – as I could think of nothing worse that being in a room with her with a mediator etc…..
I just feel so frustrated with the whole situation & it starting to stress me out so much that my IBS is flaring up. any advice would be great thanks
I remember reading your previous post.the fact its still going on is not good. and the stress of it is adversely affecting your health.Do your colleagues and friends that listen to her bitching not stick up for you?Do they realise how shes really affecting you.I hate to say it but it sounds to me like your only option would be to file a complaint with management.or you could maybe try approaching her directly but the way she is affecting you ,the thoughts of approaching her probably fill you with emotion and fear do they?.if you were going to talk to her you would probably want to have a witness(a friend /colleague)with you so she cant twist your words.One way or the other she needs to know how shes making you feel so whether you approach her or go down the formal route,some action needs to be taken ,if you are to continue to work together…thats just my opinion..hope you get it sorted.
Have you spoken to HR about it at all yet? They are seperate to management and should be able to help you. That is one of the main things they are there for – to help employees dealing with difficult issues at work.
is there someone in there you can speak with in there confidentially? Then they can speak to this member of staff perhaps?
It cannot go on, its been way too long now and it is bullying and completely unacceptable.
so sorry for you – very nasty and stressful situation to be in 🙁
My colleagues in work are also a bit scared of her & they told they don’t want to get on her bad side & then end up in the same situation as me. they stand up for me to a certain level but I think the fear of her wrath is putting them off saying too much.
The bully also is careful in how she goes about it all, I don’t have many instances witnessed she mostly gets me on my own. i feel it would be a case of her word against mine if management got involved as I don’t think that my colleagues would sit down with HR or management- the whole don’t rock the boat & we are lucky to have a job thing springs to mind……
I don’t really know if I could approach the bully myself- I mean what could I say?…..why are you so horrible to me??
Im annoyed with myself for letting her get to me so much,i mean I am wasting all this time thinking about her in & out of work & im sure she doesn’t give me a second thought…..she isn’t tossing & turning in bed & having nightmares……work really does suck right now- I loved my job before she came to work here now I dread going in.
🙁 god love you it all sounds like a bit of a nightmare…i know you said your colleagues opinion is dont rock the boat,were lucky to have a job,but in doing your job,that shouldnt entitle anyone to walk over you and bully you.and you shouldnt have to put up with it not to rock the boat..you are entitled to be treated with respect ,the same as everyone else…would there be even one person thats brave enough to back you up,and not sit on the fence ?I know you said what could you say to her,you could always prepare for the next time she approaches you in a nasty manner,to say back that you dont appreciate the way shes speaking to you ,and its upsetting you and you are thinking of taking it further.you can just try say it in a calm manner, and if she flys off the handle, that just proves your point..easier said than done but as Sabbi said Hr dept are there for a reason they have to hear you out and it shouldnt be a case of her word against yours.dont leave it.
I still think you should go to HR – you may well end up sick after all this stress and upset and that’s just not fair at all. Work should not be a hostile environment for you, its not right.
Can you maybe write down some examples of what she says to you? Even if it comes to a ‘her word against yours’ situation and she tries to fob it off and says that she was joking, having a record of her using negative language to you or threatening language, will stand to you.
It might not be the worst thing if she knew you were keeping a record of all the things she says to you…..might make her reconsider her behaviour.
Try talking to someone in HR confidentially without involving management…they need to have a record of it incase it gets to a point where they do need to get involved. You need to protect yourself and if she is so nasty then just think, what’s to stop her going to HR and saying you are bullying her? If she is so mean, maybe she would stoop that low. Bullies are just mean cowards and will look out for themselves at all costs so be careful.
Hope you get sorted soon. So sorry for all the stress its causing you. 🙁
Ok so I’ve taken a few steps to hopefully feeling a bit better about this whole poxy situation.
I asked my colleague in work that rings me 3-4 times a week after work to tell me what bully has been saying about me during the day – to stop telling me what shes saying as it is just bringing me down in my home time. she said that she was sorry & that she didn’t think about how it would be making me feel. So at least I wont hear about a lot of it anymore.
I will also start writing everything down that she does or says to me- bought a little notepad this am just for it.
I think that if it came to the bully saying that it is actually me doing the bullying I would definitely have the back up of the rest of the staff as no one really likes her as her attitude is so bad. she is one of those people that has to have the last word on everything & even if she is wrong she will continue arguing.
I am also considering as you have both suggested getting on to HR about the situation, i just need to get my head around it first. thank you both for your advice
The notebook is a great way of collecting your evidence.. The best thing to do then is to put in writing and give it to the HR Manager, if its written down they have to deal with it..
Best of luck..
Everytime you see her or him – Imagine them sitting on toilet with underwear down, it will give you a laugh if nothing elseA lot has happened since I last wrote on this topic…… My manager is now fully aware of the situation and she is keeping a much closer eye on how the bully speaks to me etc and she pulls her up on thngs she says to me…..I have said I don’t want to go down the official route as the next step is giving the bully the right to reply & sitting in a room with them and a mediator- I just couldn’t do that.
So I feel as though I have more support in work as the bully has turned everyone against her by being so difficult to work with and people have copped on to her ways.
I am still making note of what she does/ says in case I do in the future want to take it further but at the moment I feel a bit better about things.
I wish there was no such things as bullies ….but life goes on 🙂
Thanks Ladies 🙂 what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
Fair play to you! That’s really great you took some steps to help improve your situation. Its not right you should have to deal with that and knowing your manager is aware of it now and is keeping an eye on it is great.
I can understand why you would not want to sit with a mediator, that is a daunting thought alright.
Keep track of things and chat with your manager about it when necessary to make sure she is in the loop at all times too. That way you can make sure you have ongoing support and know that your manager is aware of your situation.
Well done, you took a horrible situation and did something proactive about it and I am really glad things are a bit better now.
Hi Haileysmum,
The first thing I wanted to say was Well Done! It’s not at all easy to take on a bully in the way you have done so. You have gone about this in a really professional and caring way and things seem to be moving in the right direction.
I think the advice you’ve been given is spot on, with anything like this, documenting times/dates/what happened is so important, even if it is your word against hers!
Ultimately the most important thing in all this is your mental and physical health, so I really hope things have settled down for you in that regard.
If I were you, I would continue to keep your manager updated. Remember this is not only for your benefit, but for the benefit of your whole team. It sounds like this person is very overbearing and needs to be kept in check, so you documenting everything is going to benefit the company.
Well done again and keep going! It’s wrong that this has happened to you, and you shouldn’t have to continue to take notes but it is worth it and I truly admire how you have stuck it out and fought your corner in the best way possible!
Allen
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