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nicky no i think just sit back and moan….that’s the best thing to do for you and your child, show your child that it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself and she can do the very same when she’s older……GET UP AND GET OUT…..as Yummy said better yourself, at the end of the day there’s a lot of truth in the saying that you make your own destiny and if you’re willing to sit back and say feck it well then that’s the way you’re life will be, you have to grab it by the horns push for everything in order to make your life and most importantly your dd’s life better……
why should you fork out your money on childcare???….afterall she is your child and many many many other single and working parents do that very thing, spend their hard earned money on childcare in order to better their life and make sure that their child has the best quality of life….
One thing i think you need to learn is to be less self obsorbed and if that means have nothing in order to give your child everything that that’s what parents do…when you have a child your needs go out the window…sit back and think, do i want my child when she grows up to have a hard life? or do i want her to succeed in order to have a better life than i have and her kids too?
really try talk to your parents and ask them if they can even think of not your future but the future of their grandchild and help you out, in one way your mother is making you deal with it, (as they say again you made your bed now you lie in it) if she’s not willing to help you rise above that, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and give a better life for your dd, look at yummy she’s a credit to herself and i’m sure without a doubt her ds is very proud of her that she has fought so hard to be the woman and strong woman that she is today…..and she deserves everything that she gets the same way you could if you tried……
this is not meant as a backlash but an eye opener and a cop on…..i hope you realise one day…if not that’s a very sad thing for your dd….best of luck
Firstly I have to take my hat off to Yummy your an inspiration to other young single mothers, I know its not easy for single mothers and by the sounds of things you gave and are still giving it 100% to better yourself and are totally comitted to giving your ds the life he deserves.
I dont want to bash young single mothers, I know its hard to have a child and look after a house even with the support of a husband, to do it alone you would have to be very brave and Im sure a hell of a lot of hard work.
Nicky I do get from your post that you have an excuse for everything ie your sister is sick and cant mind your dd, your mam and dad dont work and if you get a job your mums rent will increase. I know its proven if your from a disadvantaged background well then your most likely to stay in that sort of social background.
If you want a job get up and get one, go find what help you can get and put in the hard work, your an adult and a mother and your can expect handouts allthe time. Im sure there are courses you could do and keep your payment and get help with childcare, but if you were serious you would have looked into this before September.
If your looking for sympathy your not going to get it, its just as hard being married and making money last when you have cars, house, bills etc to pay. At least if you want to better yourself there is a chance of getting help us married woman just have to dig deep into our hard saved money.
Mummy5 thats shocking hearing about how you are treated, in this day and age you should be at least give a simple tax credit of a married couple.
Again Yummy fair play to youaw girls thanks, but i didnt really post to get comments on myself IYKWIM, appreaciate them i really just wanted nicky to know THAT IT CAN BE DONE!!!!!!! ( i do hope my ds will be very proud of me though 🙂 )
No one is going to come to your door, like i thought, i really have to give credit to my dad as he was the one who gave me the good kick in the bum to get out there!
If i were you i would sit down with ur parents nad tell them tht you would appreciate their help to better yourself, all they can do is say no, then you will have to have a plan B.
also i would urge you to shop around for childcare, i know there is places in moneymore and ballsgrove that are government funded and cheap enough at that, that maybe u could get your daughter in there for 5 mornings a week and u could go and get a job and suck it up that you have to pay 35 a week to your mam, 100 is an awful lot to pay her a week not including food, so tell her to take it out of that.i was putting the childs cot in the attic changing her to big bed. and fell off the ladder and her my arm and shoulder. 😥
I think there are already a lot of allowance out there for single parents, those who dont work etc. I was a single parent, i worked partime and got fis. But that was it! No one parent, no rent allowance, nothing else as I didnt qualify. I had to pay a mortgage, bills etc alone. There was no one night out a month, I was lucky if I got one night out every six months. I was lucky enough to meet someone then and now I am a SAHM. We survive on one wage but like others have said its tight. Mortgage, bills etc are more than 100e a week! We don’t go out much, if we do its usually a movie or a meal. Thats it.
Hi there,
My hubby & myself both work full time & have to just to pay the bills. Neither of us earn enough for the other not to work.
I would love to be a SAHM but can’t at the moment anyway (hopefully we will work out a happy medium in the future). We have to pay mortgage, bills, doctors bills, creche fee’s etc plus our taxes (which pays your single mothers allowences).
Statements like "not going to work just to hand it all up" really annoy me as thats what we have to do & most of the world are the same. THAT IS LIFE.
Its also a matter of pride. I want to support myself.
I dont know why some people think they are entitled to get hand outs.
If the allowence was increased it probably just be more of an excuse not to work.
i have single parent friends who live alone with their children & work, now they are the ones who i take my hat off to. They are up at night alone with sick children & go to work the next day. They have limited support from their families & no support from the father of the children.
To answer the poll my answer is NO.
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on cohabiting…the government are happy enough to take account of 2 partners income when it comes to paying out for allowances to which we are entitled, eg. tax rebates on Med 1 forms etc. It makes me so mad…I was speaking to a solicitor lately and he actually advised us to get married because we would be better off tax wise !!!
Hopefully the new civil partnership bill will introduce some badly needed reform in the area of taxation for non-married partnerships !
On the single mum issue, I think it is extremely hard to manage with one parent and I applaud all the single mums out there who are making it work. I do feel however that there is a culture of ‘i’m entitled’ in this country where people seem to expect that there will be constant government assistance. We are both working and seriously, if we get out every few months thats about it, we always seem to be broke!
I dont mean to sound harsh nicky but the points that have been already made about making an effort to get out there and trying to get on a course and working part time make absolute sense. From your post it sounds like you would like to be working and this is a good thing…try to build on that and let your child grow up seeing that you have to earn things in life..It is the best lesson that you can give them. The starting point is that you want to improve yourself and try to save for your child for college or travelling when they grow up..you also need to do it for you so that you can be independent and to have pride in yourself…just get out there and keep applying for jobs, keep doing interviews, look at the local papers for courses, most of them are free if your on social welfare and basically, dont take no for an answer….the best of luck to you !
as a single mum myself i would like to get a bit more support but then again don’t think it’s too bad at the moment… if you find your own place and get rent allowance you’d only have to pay 20or so euro a week rent.
they let you go and work partime on the one parent family (up to 12hours a week) but what a lot of people don’t know is that every euro you earn is taken off your rent allowance so it doesn’t actually help financially… strange really as you’d think they’d be trying to encourage people back into the workplace.
i like being a sahm and couldn’t really imagine having someone else mind dd full time…. think once she’s in school i’ll go back to college and get my degree and a good job but until then it’d leave us both worse off.
in answer to the poll though it’s a yes from me as after groceries, bills etc i’m left with bout 10euro a week for myself… haven’t had new clothes or my hair done in yonks… luckily i have a large family who buy l clothes and toys for bdays and christmas or she’d have nothingThis is where it annoys me, why should people just cos they are single parents, think that cos they want to work they should be allowed to retain their rent allowence, when in reality all ye really want is cheap accomodation while waiting for council house (and yes i may be judging here but its my honest opnion).
i really cant understand the mentality of it! i did a fas course and the day i started it i moved out into rented accomodation, granted yes i did get RA but i got €20 a week, so i had to pay the rest of my rent myself, then i got a bit more money and lost the RA altogether that was a few months into the course, did i manage YES cos the thoughts of moving back home, having no idependence, sharing a room and a bed with my ds gave me shivers!!!! there are incentives to go back to work, back to work allowence, jobs on ce scheme, lets be realistic , if you could work and keep your RA would you ever aim to buy your own home, absaloutly not, you would be quite happy to live in a government funded house for the rest of your life!!
im in my house near 4 years and have being paying full rent for near 3, this summer i had to send ds to summer camp that was alot dearer than other years as his previous one closed down, so that was an extra €115 a week and did i manage YES!!!!! for god sake people its really easily done if you put your mind to it!!!
yes i get my hair done, get tanned, go out, buy clothes and all the while paying rent, bills, car tax/insurace, tv licence, bins, life insurance, loan, savings etc you get my drift!!!!
am going on hols in a couple of weeks, and should be moving into my house when i come back ( a mortgaged house which i have bought alone)i would really love to sit down with ye and give ye a good shake, its ridiculous to think that just cos your a single parent life cant get any better until u get a degree or kids are at school etc, sacrifices have to be made to fulfill your dreams and to make your childrens lives better!!!!!
rant over!
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