Pregnancy loss

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  • #1623
    Taylor5
    Member

    I wasnt going to post this and keep it to myself (a few people know on mt) but I should have been 11 weeks pregnant, but after struggling for the past 3 weeks started to loose my baby on Saturday (my birthday), well I did loose my baby this evening.
    I was shocked at how many people have told me "Oh, I lost a baby x amount of years ago, but never told anyone"
    Im not ashamed or guilty about loosing a baby, so why am I compelled to keep this loss like a dirty secret? What is the stigma of miscarriage?
    Does it stem back to " Old Ireland" and get up and get on with it?

    I dont want pity or sympathy, I just want people to express their loss and or talk about this openly for maybe the first time ever.
    Whats the shame of it?
    Taylor

    #38747
    posie
    Member

    Oh Taylor, I’m so sorry. It’s such a terrible time.

    I understand exactly what you mean in your post. Technically I didn’t have a miscarriage but an ectopic pregnancy (but it comes down to the same thing – you lose your baby). I told most people that I know – except for a few people in work (older men etc, that I knew would make me feel uncomfortable because of their reaction). My family and hubby were surprised that I chose to tell people, but I thought it was the best thing to do and it did make me feel a tiny bit better just getting it off my chest.

    Make sure you take care of yourself and take plenty of ‘me’ time to get your head sorted.

    #38748
    Taylor5
    Member

    Thanks Posie
    They did think it was an ectopic pregnancy to start with, but it wasnt.

    Yeah my mam is very strange about me telling people. I dont want it to be something that is a dirty secret. I would be a strong person and If I could help others well then I”d love to see something positive come out of a bad suitation IYKWIM

    #38749
    posie
    Member

    I find that it helps to talk to people in the same situation.

    I think you are right that our mothers were from the ‘get up and get on with it and don’t talk about it’ generation. I found a great website at the time for ectopic pregnancy, and I presume there would be something similar for a miscarraige. If you have a friend/sister/cousin that has gone through it, then they are the person to talk to.

    I also found that by telling people it stopped all the stupid comments/questions such as ‘oh you’re not drinking – are you pregnant???’ 😡

    #38751
    rossylisa
    Member

    taylor so sorry for you loss

    i had an ectopic pregnancy back in April …i told all my family and close friends because i had an operation but i didn’t want anyone else to know because i didn’t want people feeling sorry for me or saying things like your young so you will go on to have more which a lot of people did say…

    i didn’t know i was pregnant i was going to my docs for about 2 mts before with pains in my stomach and went private for a scan to see had i got a cyst on my ovary and nothing turned up went to the D Doc in the cottage hosp and that came back that i had a bad bladder infection then i collapsed one night with the pain and ended up in A&E where they done a preg test and it showed i was pregnant it all happened so fast i ddnt get time to think about it i was sent for a second oppion and my fallopian tupe had ruptured so it all happened in the space of a couple of hours …..

    it didnt hit me until about a week later and i just couldnt stop crying was fighting with dh all the time and kept looking up on the internet why it happend ……i jioned a site where there was a pregnacy loss section on it and got a lot of things of my chest which helped a lot…. i would have been due in november it does help when you have someone to tlk to about it i tlk to my friend all the time about it and she listens to me when im feeling down

    take care of yourself (((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

    #38752
    Taylor5
    Member

    God Rossylisa I think an ectopic is worse then a mc, just the dangers involved in it. How are you both getting in now?

    I was told last week there was no heartbeat and the sameday a neighbour spoke to me (I was in the garden with ds) this neighbour had 3 kids and she kept saying "Would you not have another one?" "Your so mean ds would love a little brother or sister" I felt like saying "Oh I just found out my baby is dead" but she didnt mean any harm by what she said, how was she to know.

    If I was open and honest I could have avoided this suitation but she would have died with 😳
    I not going to tell her as dont want everyone know who I am, some girls on here know me in person, but thats fine, just dont want all the neighbours knowing

    #38753
    rossylisa
    Member

    i get that from a lot of dhs family that dont know about it and i did turn around and tell one of his aunts a few weeks ago because she kept asking me when i was having any more

    #38754
    Taylor5
    Member

    I swear I’ll never ask that question again….

    God girl you were lucky, I had a pain in my side and they thought it was ectopic. Please God I’ll be able to get pregnant again and all will work out well.
    I have to say I dont feel sad (well had 3 weeks to come to terms) at all, glad its over, 3 weeks of limbo was tough. But I didnt want d&c so mother nature did her thing but she was in no rush at all.
    I feel blessed, I remember coming home from the hospital and dh and I were heartbroken. I walked in to find ds sitting eating his lunch with his cap on backwards and brown sauce all over his face, the smile he gave me, made me want to burst with happiness. Everytime I feel low or sad I just look at him and he makes me laugh so much, he is a tonic to be around and I feel blessed and so lucky.
    He is only 2 but wants me to "tickle" his willy when he is getting his nappy changed 😳 😳 😳 He is there "Oooohhhhh tickle, tickle oooohhhhhh" This cant be normal for a 2 year old boy 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

    #38755
    rossylisa
    Member

    that is excatly how i feel taylor when i see my dd i look and say im blessed with the child i have 😆 😆 tiddleing his winkey 😆 😆 think all wee boys are like that my 2 nephews are the same 😆 😆

    #38763
    chipbutty
    Member

    Taylor so sorry for your loss, i never had a miscarrage but my younger sister had one at 10 weeks pregnant, now she was in a very bad relasionship at the time the guy was a heavy drinker so it just was not right if you know what i mean.

    Hope you are feeling ok and i would not look upon it as a secret just it was not meant to be.

    #38765
    ed1
    Participant

    taylor, coul not read and not post. just wanted to say i am so sorry for your loss. i think you are better to talk about it rather than bottling it up inside you. take care of yourself.

    #38773
    yummymummy
    Member

    taylor once again im sorry for your loss and rossy y for yours too!!!!

    ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) to both

    sorry i dont have any constructive to say as i have never been in the situation and i dont know anyone who has ( well apart from my mam, but it was b4 i was born and she doesnt talk about it )

    #38857
    EJ
    Member

    Sorry to hear this Taylor, Ive not been in the situation, but yes, of course I know people who have been. The one thing I do know is that talking about it with non-judgemental people will help you to come to terms with it yourself. Pregnancy is an emotional time, and any loss is not easy to cope with, but some Evening Primrose tablets might help to get your hormones back in order, if you dont already take it, and this in turn may help you get your thoughts straightened out.

    EJ

    #38864
    Dinomum
    Member

    Taylor, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

    I have never been in this situation but for what its worth, I think that you are very brave open up and to talk about it and you are right when you say there is no shame in it. Just remember to give yourself time to grieve, take care of yourself and surround yourself with positive people and dont worry about anyone else. Good luck.

    #38875
    Taylor5
    Member

    Thanks girls
    Ej thats a great idea, will pop into holland and barrett and get some later in the week, I didnt think of this at all, so thank for that advice…….

    Yummy thats my point you mum had a miss, yet she doesnt talk about it. My own mother had one 35 years ago but only told me Christmas day about 2 years ago!

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