One thing I forgot to add in …

[100paces]

Hi,

I was asked ages ago to post something here but I wasn’t that sure what to say so I put it on the long finger until tonight. My wife spends enough time on this site as it is .

Anyway I have decided to post a question. Before I left my job in Dublin, to start my own business, myself and my wife sat down and went through our bank statements. We checked everything and I was enough of a nerd to put it all into Excel. It all added up and we came to the conclusion that we could afford the dip in income. Lovely. So I quit.

But the thing that we forgot to add into our Excel file was, "emotional cost". We must be working about 15 hours a day. When she’s working I’m looking after the kids and vice versa. Gone are my long lunches with the lads, the afternoon Internet searching behind the bosses back and the sleepy commutes on the train.

So my question is, did anyone else overlook emotional cost as well when figuring out their finances? Whether you were made redundant or started up your own business. (I can say words like ’emotion’ can’t I? ).

Feck it, there crys the youngest. I must be into overtime by now.

[scole1]

hi 100paces,

sorry i know it’s posted in the dads section but read your post and wanted to say,you know what you are a great dad, and hubby for writing the post….
for many women this is something that we forget to add into our lives when we become mothers and then take the leap from working to being a sahm or even working mum….
sometimes us women can be quite hard on our other halves regards we’ve given up everything for these kids and well for you being able to do this that and the other….but when you posted up that you forgot to add this in it made me wonder how many other dad’s recently are feeling the same loss that we mums may have been dealing with for a long time…what made me think was we may be different in many ways but sometimes we are all alike we just forget….

hope everything is working out for you guys, it’s a huge change but you’ll get there…maybe find the place where you can have the me time again….

and thanks for the post was a nice one to read…sorry for highjaking

[Taylor5]

Hello there 100paces…
Its a tough one, I remember the long lunches and on the internet for half the day, then the chill out drive listening to my tunes, now a sahm I never get 5 mins for myself just "me time". God somedays you cant even go to the Loo in peace…… I once upon a time loved reading a magazine in the Loo, well that never happens anymore. I do think we ALL men and woman need time to zone out and have free time, even if its just a walk to the shops alone.
I know the Whole "emotional" side of things I didnt account for either……. I know my dh works hard and is under intense pressure with deadlines and keeping staff in line but somedays I envy his FREEDOM and he has his identity……. on bad days i even envy his comute to Dublin to work 🙄 😆 😆 😆

Kids can really really test you mentaly and most days I feel like I treading water, but hey thats my life for now and as much as I love them count the days for big school so I can have MY LIFE BACK AGAIN

[100paces]

Thanks for your replies.

[Jedt]

Well said 100paces,

My previous career involved jetting around Europe’s Sun and Ski destinations with clients and although my current career is more enjoyable (work from home) the whole family situation is one you don’t consider.

It can be very hard but you don’t miss anything with your children, first words, direct stories, constant involvement with them, instead of second hand stories on what they’ve done recently.

Good post

[Jedt]

Great post – refreshing to have a man to be so honest about this topic.

The way things have changed for many families now has brought challenges not many of us anticipated. There’s an idea out there that working from home is easy but in many ways, its actually harder.

Gone is the company credit card and ability to expense lovely long lunches. Gone is the coffee on tap and water cooler chats. Nowadays, if I have a meeting, I have to work around dropping off and picking up the kids from school.It has to run like a finely tuned machine.

Like Taylor said, I too really miss the car journey when I could actually hear the radio instead of the current situation which involves me shouting at the kids to stop fighting and to keep their arms in their seat belts. And as for going to the loo – its actaually a rare treat to go to the bathroom without a little person traipsing in after me.

I was so stressed on Saturday that my hubby took the 3 kids out and I worked for a bit and then I had a bath by myself. I cannot actually remember the last time I had a bath alone, with no one trying to crawl in. It was divine. I really should do it more often but time seems to fly by and with 3 kids and work, it falls down the list of priorities.

I’m not moaning and I wouldn’t change things, I love my work and the fact I get to stay at home a lot but it does take a lot of getting used to and can be difficult at times.

Hopefully some of us mams & dads can make it to the Mumstown Christmas night out. We all deserve a night off without the kids. Might even stay over if the budget will stretch that far….

We can all have a dance and a few drinks and forget about work and responsibilities for a few hours!

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