July 27, 2008 at 3:03 pm #2895
I’ve been deciding (and still am) if I should post this particular situation that has REALLY annoyed me.
Basically, a mother (semi relation) had a go at my ds(6) 2 weeks ago while he was playing with her dd(3.5).
I believe that it has all stemmed from an incident where her dd locked my ds in a playhouse. He of course nearly lost his life and I arrived in time and tried to calm the situation. I didnt’ judge but put it down to kids playing as they do.
I will say at this stage that I am not one of those mothers who think their kids can do no wrong. I’m well aware that kids including mine are liable to do anything and will let you down at any stage. I just work with it and do my best.
well anyway…. that was that day. Then a few days later we were at a family gathering and of course the evening was nice and the kids were all playing outside. Unusually I took my eye off the kids for a few minutes as I knew this other mother was outside with them. Then I heard a bit of argy bargy at which stage I went out side.
This other mother then started to shout at me (in front of all the children, 4 in total) "I’m sick of him, I’m f***ing sick of him. He’s nothing but a bully. He’s always at it." is what she was shouting. I had no idea what was going on except there was a football involved that both kids seemed to want.
At this stage I went down to this other mother and tried to calm the situation down by saying. What’s wrong. tell me whats wrong and we’ll sort it.
She then carried on saying it. I’m sick of him and so on.
At this stage my ds was sitting down on the ground sobbing his heart out.
I said to the mother " if you have a problem with the kids talk to me and we’ll sort it. Don’t be shouting in front of the kids".
Again, she expressed her, what I can only call as, Distaste for my ds. I left her and went to my ds and took him away from the situation to calm him down and talk to him.
He was sobbing saying "mam she called me a bully". It transpired that she had called him this before I even arrived on the scene.
AFter calming my ds down I then went back the mother and told her that she should never call my ds or anybodies child a bully again that this has serious lasting effects on a child. That I would never call her kids names, and that if I had a problem I will go to her. At this stage I mentioned the fact that her dd locked my ds in the playhouse and that she should have been keeping an eye on them in order to ensure that all kids were safe and happy.
This was 2 weeks ago and my family have been waiting to see who will give in first. So in order to keep the peace (and the fact that I HATE conflict) I went and broke the ice last night.
BIG MISTAKE. She basically said that she stands over what she said. That my ds IS a bully and that she has been keeping it to herself for ages. she’s glad it is out in the open now. (whoppee for her)
I didnt’ get a chance to talk this out with her as we were interrupted but I am terribly annoyed over the fact. If my ds is a bully I will sort it. So far I have not seen any of these tendancies and have talked to both my family and my Childminder who have said this is not the case. My childminder in particular would have him every day so would see anything that may be going on.
Also, my kids are seldom playing with these kids as this mother never allows it. So I say, if this has happened on numerous occassions, where have I been. I can tell you there are no incidences of bullying. My 2 year old DD is the boss in our house and would put any 3 or 6 year old in their place. (something I’m not very proud of but she has her personality and this is it)
Also, this mother is telling other people that my ds is a bully. I know this becuase it came back around to me.
Am I over-reacting, or is it me thats the bad and insane mother?
I’m trying to do my best in everyway for my kids. I just can’t seem to win. My kids need their relations, but I can’t put myself on tenterhooks each time they are together. Kids are kids and need to play as kids.
Let me know. Please be gentle
MJuly 27, 2008 at 4:55 pm #64385HappymammyMember
Basically your being too gentle hun,thoughen up and stand up for your little man. If you have asked around and the people closed to him that see him everyday and his childminder (who im sure would have no problem telling you if he was a handful or a bully as this is her job) and they dont see a problem then put her in her place.
Shes the bully. Big grown up woman cursing and spreading gossip about a child, very brave of her. DONT GET ME STARTED! 😈
Best of luck . 🙂July 27, 2008 at 5:23 pm #64386
Thanks for that. Normally I’m not as reserved and On the day in question I certainly could not have said more or I might have been jailed becuase my actions would have come after the words I had. but I have realisedonly last night that my family are more concerned about keeping the peace than standing up for what is right.
These kids are our only child relations so any chance there is of there being some sort of relationship I think I need to take it into account in the broader scheme of things.
For sure my son is number 1 and I won’t have him victimised by anyone. This is just an incredible situation. This girl certainly is a bit crazy and has zero regard for her kids let alone mine.
I am somewhat relieved that at least one person can see this for the situation it is and that I’m not totally insane. Sometimes I think I "mind" them too much. Hence why this "situation" got out of hand ont he night in question as normally I’m nearly shadowing them for their sake more so than others.
Like every parent I want them to get on , be the best they can be and get on with others. However, sometimes that is not possible with people who dont’ have the same values.
Something someone once said was "little apples will grow" and I’m hoping in this situation, this crazy mother will get her come-uppance.
Thanks for you comments I really appreciate it.
MJuly 27, 2008 at 9:34 pm #64389HappymammyMember
Kids fight and thats the norm you let it go because it more or less teaches them life skills, they are usually best friends again in a few mins as children dont know how to bare grudge I suppose.But when an adult gets involved then its time to step in and fight their corner.July 29, 2008 at 7:03 am #64417MoonflowerMember
oh…the amount of times i feel like posting of situations that upset me so much,so can completely understand where ur coming from….
I would avoid this mother from now on as much as poss ….just wait it wil turn around one day & her child will be accused of something she doesnt like….
My Ds who’s 2 and half is just growing out of his pinching stage & most mums would sympathise but a few would glare & tell me I am not disciplining him correctly…which used to upset me……..when I know I do discipline him
I can so understand how upset you are & some mums seem to find pleasure in putting other peoples children down & that usually means they are the ones that have the insecurities…so try to ignore wat she said,reassure yr DS that he is not a bully & try & explain what a bully is but dont let this insecure mother affect you any more…she has obviously noticed something in her own child she is putting back on you….
Moonflower xxxJuly 29, 2008 at 7:25 am #64419libby1Participant
Whats the story about picking your friends but not your relations?
I feel so sorry for you, when kids fight and argue it is normal, when an adult interfers i hate, is she put her feelings or past experiences into the ways she see’s the kids.
Don’t mind them,, You know who you bring up your kids. Be proudJuly 29, 2008 at 7:33 am #64420
you are all very kind. Thank you. The relation thing… yes… what a disaster. to be honest, I never had much time for the girl, but I make allowances for the sake of my kids. Their happiness is more important that ANY of my hangups or dislikes.
My DH is going MENTAL. he is disgusted by the whole situation and I just know he’s going to say something at some stage, which of course won’t help the situation but he is his own person and can say what he likes. He’s a grown man.
As ever, I will protect my kids from anybody who tried to victimise them (becuase that is exactly what is happening here). However I will do it quietly and hopefully effectively.
This girl will get her come-uppance I HOPE. and I also hope I am there is see it.
Thanks again to all of you and if anybody else has any comments please post. We are all here to learn 🙂
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