January 20, 2010 at 10:53 pm #6685JedtKeymaster
Had a researcher for a TV show on parenting ask me about when I was new mum; she wanted to know was there anything I wish I had known then that I know now. Also, what was I most afraid of and what did I know nothing about…….my fears were…..
1. Dropping the baby – I was terrified I would drop him and on our first night home, my husband dropped him but thankfully, caught him on his foot (used to play football) and the baby never even woke up.
2. He was not eating enough. A nurse told me to wake baby every 3 hours to feed him, regardless of whether he was hungry or not. My mum and MIL told me it was nonsense, never to wake him but fool I was, I did it. Even stood him by window (as instructed by nurse) and stripped him to vest to wake him for feeds.
3. Cot death – my cousin died of cot death and I was petrified about it. I used to check him during the night if he was sleeping quietly. When I think of all the worrying I was doing while he was sleeping, I would go back in time and take a good long nap with him!!
So got me wondering, what were you all afraid of at the start and what do you remember most about being a new mum……January 20, 2010 at 10:59 pm #86727AlmaeMember
i have to say my experience is.
– from having a premie baby & her being in Intensive Care,the not knowing if she was going to live.
– stop breathing when asleep
– thinking about how they will get on at school when they are 10 days old 🙂 lol
_ the panic that sets in when they are sick
on a postive
_ the instant love you feel when they are born , its like they crawl into your heart and throw away the keyJanuary 20, 2010 at 11:02 pm #86728
What you dont know on your first baby….
you can leave the house and feed on the fly it wont kill them…
They can have their routine broken…
Yes young babies can sleep all night from 3 weeks and you dont have to spend half the night looking at them waiting for them to wake up…. believe me if they are hungry they will let you know…
Babies DONT need a bath every night a lick of a sponge will surfice
kids can eat out the bin it wont kill them… they can also lick 3 hour coco pops from the floor and still be fine… all this can be done without mammy having a stroke or needing Valium
Also they can bounce 😆 😆 😆January 20, 2010 at 11:02 pm #86729YvonneMember
I think the whole idea of becoming a Mum for the first time is rather scary!
I worried whether she was drinking enough, I too was told not to let them go over due for a feed and I stupidly woke her!, even though Mammy told me not to!
If she was warm enough at night… if she was quiet when sleeping, I checked to see if she was breathing!
You definitely are so much more relaxed on your second….January 20, 2010 at 11:27 pm #86740hjsMember
You don’t know
…that you have lost your heart completely, utterly, forever and so so willingly the second you see your baby. Nothing will ever be on the same planet compared to how much you love your child, that you will physically ache with longing when they are only a foot away (and that that doesn’t nec change when they 6 and at school either!)
…that the baby blues are real, but for many are temporary, but that they r ok and that there are people and places you can go for help if longer lasting
…that you are not superwoman and cannot please all of the people all of the time – the polishing will merrily wait along with the pots!
..that breast feeding isn’t like falling off a log necessarily and you not givin ur baby something like heroin if you bottle feed, despite what some may (poss inadvertently) make you feelJanuary 20, 2010 at 11:53 pm #86745FabienneMember
I forgot all about thoses fears.
I still refuse to hold a new born too afraid to.
If I have to do, if by accident the mum ask me, if you see me you’ll be thinking I’m holding nuclear waste 😆
But somehow I managed to hold my own children.
Just you do everything by the book with number 1 then realise by the time number 2 is here, that there is no need to do it by the book.
Trust yourself first.
Don’t let nurses makes you feel guilty.
And never ever wake your baby to feed at night. SLEEP!
Was lucky my mum told me that before. I was a tiny baby (what a change now, need to be in OT) , and doctor 37 years ago told my parents to wake me to feed me. They did, I did not eat (1oz, 2 if they were very lucky), but got used to my 1oz feed at night, it took them nearly 2 years to stop it. They put water in bottle instead of milk to make me stop. Must have enjoyed the fun night party, with everyone trying to feed me. So even for water I kept everyone awake.
Was told to give some extra feed to my babies at birth, dd and 2 years later ds were both under 6lbs. I tried once, to extra breastfeed dd, but I love my sleep to much, and my mum told me her story.
I’m glad I did not.
They both were getting enough when they asked. A baby knows when he wants to eat.
The only advice that I took on board happilly was " sleep when your baby sleeps",
I still love my sleep. It was always dh who took and take care of the children at night.
FabienneJanuary 21, 2010 at 9:06 am #86753beamamMember
Instant protection- couldn’t even bear the doctor taking the routine
blood tests at birth.
will we be good enough parents?
Am I doing it right?( still wonder at times!!)
Will DH manage if I have to go out and do things the way his highness (DS) likes things done?!!
Is the house too warm/cold?
Book A says this and book B says that…….while my mother says C!!
Worrying about visitors upsetting the routine even though they are so thoughtfull to call round with presents, well wishes, asking if i wanted help.
How will I ever get on top of the housework again?
How can I leave this little bundle to go back to work- thought about that since day one even though I had 10 months off!
The list is endless and i’m a real fusspot but starting to relax a little after 13 months!!January 21, 2010 at 9:52 am #86757hjsMember
Iused to "dream feed" both mine at about 11 when in a routine (day 1 with ds, 3 weeks with dd, all down to Gina Ford, thank you, thank you, thank you God for Gina Ford, saved MY mind, but not for everyone her ways, I know), and they always downed the full amount and always slept for 6 hrs min following. Happy Days!!!!January 21, 2010 at 10:11 am #86759joey_ruddMember
on my first baby i worried about everything
-will i be able to cope with a baby
-am i ready (your never ready you just learn to do everything needed)
will our baby be healthy (still feel guilty about my dd havin scoliosis, even though i was told it wasn’t my fault..just one of those things 😕 )
then i had her and from the first moment i held her and looked into those big blue eyes i knew i’d do anything for her
after the baby….
sleep when the baby sleeps
take any offer of help that is available
try to get someone to mind the baby for an hour so you and your other half can go and relax…try to make time for each other too
don’t listen to all the horror stories about how bad parenthood can be, people like to scare you
if it was that bad there wouldn’t be people going on to have more than one child
then i was pregnant again and i worried that i wouldn’t love the new baby as much…you love them just the same with all of your heart x4January 21, 2010 at 10:45 am #86766chewieodieParticipant
I was neurotic with my first….
I remember after the birth…. (during which, after 2 1/2 hours of pushing, If I had had a pair of garden shears I would have taken him out myself! 😯 )…. eventually getting to hold this little person, and realising that God help anyone that tried to hurt him, at ANY stage in his life….. they would have to get past the Lioness first.
I remember putting a dummy on his chest at night, so that I could watch it go up and down as he was breathing…..to make sure that he didn’t stop…..
How many layers? Is he too hot, is he too cold? Major cot death phobia with me.
THinking that nobody could possibly look after him the way I did…. that if I were to leave for an hour or two or three, with someone else…. he would actually be okay without me. In hindsight, I had a lot of issues.
And when I fell pg with dd… it was that there was no way I could ever love dd as much as ds… but the heart is muscle, its elastic, and expands to let all the love in!January 21, 2010 at 12:14 pm #86773Maria30Member
It looks like we have all done the put hand on baby chest in middle of night to make sure they were still breathing.
I know I use to lie awake during the night waiting for baby to wake (mad I know but was afraid I wouldnt hear him)
Feeling guilty about leaving them with somebody else for a couple of hours.
Feeling guilty about taking time for myself (still have that problem)January 21, 2010 at 4:42 pm #86805AnonymousInactive
Good i must be getting old cause my memory not what it was because i remember being pregnant was the most relaxed i was in years 😕 😕 😕
The practical things i guess i havent a clue what i was going to do with one, so another one didnt matter. Most terrifying experience i remember is the first bath, where you think you might break them 😆 On the positive side get out and about asap, do dont need to pack the kitchen sink to bring baby for walk. I had section and was out walking a week after i came home from hospital, best thing for us all.
For me i suppose the main worry and still is now do they get enough individual time. If you all think about your DD1 or DS1 and how much of your time they got without another sibbling, mine have never had that. Plus as a working mam, the guilt, although mine didnt kick in until year 2-3 dragging them to Dublin everyday.
I would do it all the same again except i would have given up job in Dublin earlier, life a dream since 😆January 21, 2010 at 6:47 pm #86811
Lai i remember that, you walked down to meet me from work most days and you pushed the double buggy…. then we would go back to yours and we would both feed a baby 😆 😆 😆
Think you were so relaxed as you didnt have that nightmare commute to DublinJanuary 21, 2010 at 7:23 pm #86815JedtKeymaster
Bringing back lots of memories and also remembering my neuroses about being a new mammy too.
It’s definitely something I cherished and loved, even when I was shattered and shredded, just one look at those little faces made it all worthwhile.
Pity they can shout and rant and rave now – they don’t give me a minutes peace!! It’s only as they get bigger you realise how precious they are when they can’t talk!! 🙂 🙂January 21, 2010 at 11:51 pm #86845
I know A is sick at the moment and she NEVER stops talking….. now i know what i put my parents through
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