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Hi there.
I’m new to this. I just wanted to talk about my little girl. She died last year at just 4 days old. It seems that it happens alot but no one really talks about it and as a result you end up fee ling alone. I just wanted to say that anyone going through this at the moment, you’re never alone.
My daughter was born at 26 weeks by emergency c section and she had alot of complications. In the end , the damage was too severe for her to have any quality of life and her dad and I made the horrific decision to withdraw life support. She was placed in my arms then for the first time and passed away 2 hours later.
It is something we live with every day. We will grieve for the rest of our lives for our tiny daughter but we are learning to live around it . What I’m saying is, if you’re going through this now, take baby steps. Take your time and don’t expect to feel better than you do. It takes time. I reckon if i live to be 100 years old, I will still weep as though it just happened and if I had 50 kids there would still be one missing. You do learn to live with it. The grief that feels too big for your body does fade in time. You do begin to function again . I know it feels easier to hide away but try not to. Talk about your baby to anyone who will listen and surround yoyr self with people who love you. Take your time.Stop and take a look back every now and then and you will see how far you have come. No one can tell you how to do this. Everyone is different but talking helps. You may be surprised by people. Sometimes the ones you think wilk be there for you are not and then comfort can come from the most surprising of places. Remember your little baby often and be proud of your self. You created life. No matter how brief, it’s still life. Be proud of your baby too. I think its important to recognise that neonatal death is horribly common and it’s important not to feel isolated. That’s really all I wanted to say.Hi Janeymac – so very sorry for your loss. You’re right it is unfortunately a lot more common than people think. My neighbour lost her little boy a few years ago and a friend of mine lost her little boy at 39weeks last year. This girls is terrified that people will forget her son – she’s actually doing the mini marathon this year in his memory and raising money for the Feileacain charity. I was only talking to someone last night who’s little boy would have been 7 this week.
Keep talking janeymac and love the advise you’ve given in your post xoI am so sorry for your loss.
we lost 2 babies to miscarriage – a much different kind of loss and nowhere near as traumatic you’ve had – yet, it still hurts each year on the dates of the babies anniversary.
I find that if I tell friends and family members about it, they are supportive and they allow me to talk about how I feel.
My husband and I talk about and remember our babies and we usually light a candle at dinner on those days and our children know what is going on and they talk about it too.
While it is sad, I think its important to talk about and even posting on here is a way of talking about and remembering your daughter.
You will never forget her and you should never be afraid to talk about her and how you are feeling.
another idea you might like – we planted a tree in our back garden in memory of our babies we lost and its nice to look out the window and see it there.
Hi there.
Thanks for the kind words. We talk about Jane all the time in our house and celebrate her birtday too. I did the marathonlast year for feilacain and hope to do it again this year.
It doesn’t matter at what stage you and your baby part company. Be it 3 weeks or 39. A loss is a loss. Once you pee on that stick and get your 2 lines, thats it. You’re mammy and your in love. You have hopes and dreams so no ones loss is worse. We had a little Xmas tree for her last year and so far it’s still growing in the back garden. Remember your babies in what ever way works. your family grieve too. Especially your parents. They have lost a grandchild and they have to watch their own child go through it too. It’s important to never forget the little soul that popped in briefly to be your child. They deserve remembrance.
XIt happened to me too , so sorry about little Jane.
A great website is http://www.isands.ie I would have been lost without it.
Are u local to Drogheda ?
My little girl died aged 12 hours .Jewelley tree does nice remembrance jewellery. We lost 2 babies and I had a necklace made with 2 stones and hearts on it in memory of our babies. I feel close to them when I wear it. It may sound silly, its not everyone’s cup of tea but I like to wear it. We also have a tree and a bush in the back garden for our babies and we love to watch them bloom in memory of our babies each year.
Its sad but its nice to remember them.
my sister got a Tattoo – she has 4 roses on her thigh, 2 in full bloom one is darkish other pretty for her son and daughter and then 2 rose buds for the 2 babies she lost
A few people gave us plants and flowers which wehave either at home or at her grave. The rotunda handled every thing for us after Jane died. Their after care was amazing. The chaplain and bereavement mid wife held our hands the whole way, as did the n.i. c. u staff. They also had a lovely touch with giving us little cards with flower seeds attached to them. You just plant them and flowers grow. We gave them to family. Feilacain was the organization that provided memory boxes for us and that held alot of usful info. We took pictures ourselves which at the time seemed a bit morbid but the pics and little videos of our baby girl are so precious to us now. It’s always better to take pics and not want them then want pics you can’t have. The nurse said that to us at the time and I am glad. Incase anyone’s wondering, We stopped taking pictures during her final hours and just spent the time with her. We did take pics after she slipped away though and I love them. we were lucky in a way that we knew the day she was going to die as our parents got to come and say hello and goodbye in the nicu. I know alot of people dont get the gift of time. The flip side to thatis , it was us who had to make the call to let her go. Thats hard to live with but you have to trust that you acted in your baby’s best interest. I don’t live near Drogheda though happy mumblemum. Near navan.
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