My very own labour recipy! Just for the laugh!!!!!
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The few key ingredients that will help create that fantastic cocktail of hormones that helps your labour progress.
1. You need to feel safe and uninhibited. If mum feels stressed and anxious her body releases adrenaline which are the brakes of labour. When mum feels safe and not afraid her body produces oxytocin and endorphins – these are labour helpers! When you feel uninhibited you can easily slip into that primal part of your mind that regulates labour.
In Reality: Mum will automatically go into psycho mode when labour sets in so stay clear until she is at least in the hospital surrounded by witnesses should she feel the urge to beat you up!
2. You need to feel unobserved – don’t text everyone that your labour has started. You’ll be plagued by well meaning friends and family….and you start to suffer from a kind of labour performance anxiety….you start to think that you’re taking too long….(here comes the adrenaline again !!)
In Reality: Do not turn phone off as mother in law will have a panic attack and drive over you coming up the garden!
3. Dim lighting. Get your candles out and hit the dimmer switch. Bright fluorescent lighting inhibits the hormonal release by stimulating your ‘thinking’ brain.
In Reality: Turning the lights off makes women in labour easier on the eyes!! Especially if you don’t want two black ones!
4. Excessive conversation also keeps you in your reasoning and analytical part of your mind so rest is important and those relaxations CDs.
In Reality: Oh take the advice and just SHUT UP! Speak when spoken to!
I know it’s a bit of a stretch for mums and dads to associate labour with romance……
Even Dad’s sexy hypnotic voice has a role to play in getting your baby out (after all Dad’s sexy hypnotic voice helped get the baby there in the first place)
In Reality: Come near me with that and you die a very slow death!
Have a labour project that requires low mental and physical activity….think
Rent a few funny DVDs – laughter creates endorphins – your labour helpers!!In Reality: Just this once turn the football off and hand over the remote controls with no hesitation unless you want the remote stuck up ya a*s permanently!
Partner can run you a warm bath….andlight the candles…..
In Reality: Do not use all the hot water and have to leave your woman waiting for it to heat back up again!
Partner can cook you some nice food….and encourage you to stay hydrated
In Reality: A curry and bottle of beer is not what she has in mind!
Partner can give you a relaxing massage…or foot rub…
In Reality: Don’t touch her feet you will get a kick in the head!!Partner can tell you how beautiful you look
In Reality: LIAR!Partner can put on some nice music – any slow easy listening music that has good memories for you
In Reality: Fire starter is not an option!!!😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 PMSL here, have a vision of your in the throws of labour raving to #fire starter, twisted fire starter#
Happy let it all out……… aaaahhhhhhhh
I sense a bit of anger going in there, dont tell me your fed up being pregnant 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
I’d love to be a fly on the wall when you go into labour, you better pre book anambulance or a bed in ICU………….. not for you or babs but for dp 😆 😆 😆 😆His friend is a fireman and he has promised me he will personally get me to the hospital on time in his firetruck if needs be wherever i am and he will even put the bee-baw on for me!!!
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