Miscarriage

[MaryE]

Hi There,

Im going to visit my friend tonight who just had her second miscarriage in six months, i feel so bad for her.

Not sure what to say. Any advise?

She keeps saying "you know how i feel" because i went through years of fertility problems but i dont, although i was heart broken that i couldnt conceive, i never actually lost a child at the same time.

I can only imaagine how upsetting, dissapointing & heart breaking it is to lose a child, that you would already have dates for, dreams for, plans for etc.

At least she already has two children but i know that cant take away from the upset of losing these two children.

I have loads of grub for us to pig out of tonight & I have been printing off articles about miscarriage for her (not sure how much of a good idea that is), but apart form that i am at a loss.

I know some of you have had miscarriages, what did your friends do to help you cope?

[Pastela]

As someone who had a miscarriage in December, I know the pain that she feels.

A very dear friend of mine said something to me, that I treasure, and it gives me comfort….

"Count yourself as very special and priviledged to have been asked to be a host to a celestial being"….

I know that my baby was never meant for this earth, and that he / she is in heaven with the other angels… and that gives me comfort. And I know also that my babies spirit remains with me…..

Jo
(Mom to three, two here on earth, and an angel in heaven…. 😉 )

[Taylor5]

Sorry to hear about your poor friend…. you dont have to say anything to her, your support to her is being there for her, a shoulder for her to cry on and an ear to bend….. You may never have had a mc but you do know the heartache of ttc

[Jedt]

If she wants to talk, let her talk. if she wants to avoid the subject althogether, then let her do that.

Your support is what she needs and thats what you are giving. Thats the best thing anyone can offer her at the moment

And please ask her partner how he is feeling. Men often get forgotten about and they are hurting too so its is important to recognise that.

You sound like a wonderful friend…some of my friends avoided me like the plague when I lost my baby and that really hurt me.

Its the ones who chose to face me, put their own feelings of awkwardness aside and offered me a shoulder to cry on that made the difference.

There are some books out there that might help too, check out http://www.miscarriage.ie they have a section on helping loved ones through this difficult time and recommended reading.

I hope she feels a bit better soon. Its so traumatic, no matter how many children you have. This was her baby and he or she is now gone.

I plated a tree in memory of my baby and I love watching it grow and flouruish, it helps me. Maybe this is something she could do, when she is ready.

Good luck Mary, sounds like you are a truly good friend to her.

[MaryE]

Thanks for the replies.

Well went to see my friend, brought loads of nice treats to eat & a bottle of her favourite wine. We just talked about it for hours, it was a very late night but she really needed to talk.

I was planning to get her flowers but then i went on the misscarriage assosiation website and decided to sign my friend up to be a member & receive thier newsletter & instead of the flowers i made a donation to the assosiation. It is a very worthy cause & it was my little way of doing something to try to help her.

I was a bit nervous telling her this but she was really touched.

She is going on holidays this weekend, so that is keeping her focus at the moment but id say it is when she gets back, it will really hit her.

Thanks again for your replies.

[Taylor5]

Do you know what is also nice a little plant or shrub that flowers either at the time of the loss or at the due date…. I got a lovely winter flowering shrub that flowers late september… but the dog ate it.
My sister in law planted a tree in her garden and it give her great comfort to watch the tree grow

[Fabienne]

MaryE,
About misscariage you can look at the link
http://miscarriage.about.com/od/treatme … spirin.htm

There is various studies about how sometimes taking a very low daly dose of aspirin can help.

There is a lot of websites talking about it.
Read and then maybe talk about it to your friend.

I’ve never heard anyone talking about it here in Ireland (not much in France either) but it was a french gynecologist who talked about it.

Some studies are in favor some don’t see the benefit. That’s why it’s not common, but…

For other reasons I had to take it (advice by my french gynec) did it completly for my dd, stop earlier for ds, as here they were not in favor and listen to them for ds (didn’t for dd as not good contact with dr, so I basicly did my own thing (with french supervision)).
The idea for me was to give a chance to baby to grow a bit more.
At the end Ds was lighter than dd.
So in my case it worked. But from one case you can’t make a rule.

Hope your friend is grieving her baby and coping at the same time.

Fabienne.

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