Miscarriage – When will i feel better?

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  • This topic has 26 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Jedt.
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  • #15667
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Sadly i recently had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, i started bleeding at 6 weeks and it wasthreatened from then but they still found a heart beat at 7 weeks so i didnt believe it was actually going to happen but it did. :( :( Hospital said that i didnt need a d &C.

    Got the bad new on the 12th of January & was told i would be physically back to myself within a week or two at most but too be honest i still feel so run down, im shattered, Still bleeding (sorry if tmi). My gp just says everyone is different.

    I expect to be emotionally upset for a while but i thought i would physicaly be ok by now. Off work over 4 weeks now between it being threatened & happening. Bosss not so understanding anymore, suppose to be going back to work on Monday but not sure that im able for it. On the other hand i wouldnt mind some sort of routine, maybe it would do me good to get back, i dont know.

    Anyway i know a good few peole on this site have had miscarriages & wondering how long it took you to stop bleeding & feel healthy again?

    #126738
    Jedt
    Member

    I am so sorry, its so sad for you.

    I bled for around 2-3 weeks after my first miscarriage and I did not have a D&C. I felt absolutely wretched. I was exhausted and drained and I just don’t know how I functioned with a 7 month old to look after.

    If you are not ready to go back to work, then don’t go back just yet. Don’t force yourself if you cannot physically manage it. Your boss cannot understand what you are going through because you did not look pregnant and so they probably did not think of you as being pregnant and they do not see this as a big loss. Its only when a miscarriage happens to you that you realise how overwhelmingly sad and awful losing a baby is.

    Like you, I saw my baby’s heartbeat too and I prayed so much that our baby would make it but sadly, that did not happen and I miscarried at 12.5 weeks. I felt terrible and run down for about a month to be honest. I was so tried and sad. I just felt empty a lot of the time and all I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and stay there.

    Going back to normality will be hard whenever you do it, whether its next week or the week after because its like you have to shelve your grief away and hide it, so you can get back to work and carry on as normal. Mentally, it can be daunting thinking about going back to a normal routine but sometimes it can help. Its kind of like ripping off a plaster, you dread it but actually, its not that bad.

    Can you go for some massage, reflexology or acupuncture? Mark Bell helped me enormously after my second miscarriage, he got my menstrual cycle back on track after our loss, as I was having periods every 2 weeks. His acupuncture was really helpful to me.

    Can you get a tonic from your local pharmacy? I got a tonic after my second miscarriage and that helped me. It gave me a bit of a boost to help my body cope with the shock and bleeding. My aunt got it for me in a chemist called Foley’s in Parnell St in Dublin.

    In some ways, you might feel a bit better if you do go back next week – it will be hard at first but you will adjust. And if you feel very ill or upset, then explain that you need to go home and go home to rest. If you are feeling ill, tired and very low on energy, your boss will know from looking at you that you need to be at home until your better and will be more understanding to you personally (I hope so anyway)

    I am so sorry for you. Have you contacted the Miscarriage Association of Ireland, they are so kind and sweet and supportive, you can check them out at http://www.miscarriage.ie and every single volunteer there has been through a miscarriage and they are really great.

    Thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs. xxx

    #126741
    Taylor5
    Member

    Oh MaryE im so so sorry for your loss x God i didnt know, im just heading out i will post later when i have time

    #126743
    oriordan
    Member

    Im so sorry to hear about your loss.

    I have had more miscarriages then I care to mention. Ive had them at 5,6,8, 9 , 10 and 12 weeks. Each one has been different, but luckily physically I always made a fast recovery. At most I had a very heavy, but never prolonged period and back to regular cycles.
    It was always the emotional drain, the emptiness, that got me. Most of all it was people’s reluctance, to allow me to mention it, not to mind talk about it, that really upset me, and left me even colder than I already felt.
    For one miscarriage I was going to have a dnc but was cancelled at the last minute as the scan showed everything to have been removed, but the midwife was lovely. She told me and my husband to go home and have a glass of wine and acknowledge and celebrate the glimmer of hope that was a life. It was the nicest thing anyone ever said to me, and I didn’t even know her. We did just that. We had a meal and the two of us spoke about the child, all sorts of silly stuff like if it was a boy or girl, age gaps with other children, where he/ she would sleep, its birthday, etc.

    I’m sorry I cant be of better help about the physical aspect of the recovery. All Id say is only go back to work when you’re sure you’re ready to go back, and only you will know that. Explain to your boss that you are not yet right since the miscarriage that you’d be no use to anyone, if that’s how you feel.
    Routine (whether thats going back to work or something else) I’m sure would be good as well as a distraction to what has happened, butif you’re not physically up for returning to work , then you could try to get that distraction from somewhere else in the short term. I know I sure found returning to work the best thing for me, but like I say, physically, I was okay.

    I hope this all rectifies itself for you soon and you can find some sense of normality. Good luck

    #126744
    Jedt
    Member

    How are you doing oriordan?? I was just thinking about you recently and wondering if you were doing ok.

    MaryE, there are leaflets and books you can read when you are ready. Maybe not just yet but if you feel like you want to read about it in a while when things settle down, let us know and we can make some suggestions.

    Again, so sorry you are going through this. I was at Labfitness tonight and was thinking about you bopping around at the skinny jeans class last year. It may seem unthinkable but you will feel like that again. x

    #126745
    julymam
    Member

    Im so sorry marye, i havent been through it so i cant advise but want to let u know am thinking of you.
    Take care x

    #126746
    munchin
    Participant

    marye so sorry for your loss xoxo
    i haven’t been through it myself but my sister had two miscarriages and both were very different for her both physically and mentally – my advise would be to take your time don’t be rushed back to work if you’re not up to it – have you got sick note? if you do there’s not alot they can do. Look after yourself xoxox

    #126748
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Mary,so sorry to read about your sad news.I would echo other peoples thoughts on here that if you dont feel able for work go back to your doctor and get another sick note & your boss can do nothing about it.

    If you feel however that concentrating on your job for 8 hours a day might give you a bit of a break from your grief as your mind will be otherwise occupied with the routine of work maybe give it a try.

    Dont rush yourself,take care & i really hope you feel better before too long xx

    #126781
    MaryE
    Member

    Thanks for replies & kind words.

    Doctor doing bloods to see what’s going on. Wouldn’t be surprised if I’m anaemic

    Going back to work tomorrow as they won’t leave me alone anyway.

    Just want to feel normal again soon & have some energy

    Finding this week particularly hard as a few people have announced that they are pregnant & all due in August when my baby would have been born.

    Ah well, that’s life, need to harden up.

    #126782
    Jedt
    Member

    Get a tonic and lots of good warming food into you – like stews, soups and that kind of thing. I find those kinds of foods nice for comfort when you are going through a hard time. If you feel like a treat, get someone to pop into Relishin southgate and pick up some Beef Bourgignon with creamy mash that you can eat at home. It is so nice – I like this when I am feeling rundown or out of sorts.

    Its unfair of your work to be putting pressure on you – its the last thing you need at this time. If you don’t feel well enough when you go back tomorrow, tell them you are not up for it and go back to your doc and get a note for another few days.

    Work is important of course but you have just lost your baby, that is a huge event in your life and is devastating and it sounds like you are having some physical difficulties too, so if you are not up for work, go home. They will just have to cope with out you.

    It really annoys me when I hear of someone being put under pressure like this – I wish they could show some empathy towards you for a while and try to be understanding.

    Its one of the pitfalls of a miscarriage that people do not understand the depth of your loss – they could not see a bump and so they cannot imagine its a big deal for you when in fact, your life has been turned upside down.

    take it each day at a time at the moment and if you are not in work tomorrow and you feel like a big hug, we’ll be in Laurence Town centre for our Mumstown event and many of us have been through miscarriages and would like to be able to support you.

    Take it easy and keep letting off steam here – better let it out than have it pent up.

    #126790
    oriordan
    Member

    Mary E,
    Let us know how work went with you. I agree with Sabbi about people not having any understanding. No bump, no baby, move on!

    Sorry Sabbi only saw your post now asking how I was. Barren I suppose is a good word! Nothing happening at the moment.
    Im going to ask for something to boost ovulation. I did Napro before, that was successful for my second child, but have no joy with it trying for number three, just a load of money pumped into it with nothing to show. Im sure theres many like me. Infertility bleeds your bank account but plenty of free advice for unwanted pregnancies. Really annoying.

    #126791
    Jedt
    Member

    Sorry you’re not having better luck – sending baby dust your way oriordan.

    MaryE – how are you getting on? Hope you’re ok. xx

    #126813
    Taylor5
    Member

    MaryE how are you getting on back at work? I hope your okay….

    MaryE i know how you feel about others with a close due date, when i lost mine there was a mum on here who was due the week before me, we both knew we were in early pregnancy… but i lost mine. This girl went on to have a horrid pregnancy and would be texting me all the time saying "oh im so sick and i feel so ill, i hate being pregnant" I would text her back saying "shut up moaning, at least your still pregnant". I found this humour and banter really helped me along, it would often make us both stop and think, there is someone worse off then you.

    I have terrible health problems for about 3 months after i lost my DD, if you are still bleeding i would be asking for a scan, maybe some of the after birth didnt come away!
    I had to go on loads of vitamins, Vit B complex, Zinc, Evening Primrose. Call into holland and barrett or Aldi (vitamins for only 1.39) The evening primrose will settle your hormones quicker, the Vit B and Zinc will help with all the nerve and settle your body back on track

    Good luck x
    P.S Do you think you would be up for a night out? Just the same bunch of neighbours heading over to the Bull or somewhere like that and most of us have had Miscarriages and even a few still births. So we will all empathise withhow your feeling <3 A good winge and a few drinks will do you the world of good x (and we wont be going to Barocco before you ask 😆 😆 😆 )

    #126820
    Jedt
    Member

    Thats a good idea about a night out Taylor, its helpful to be in company of others who know how you feel. And a good cry after a few drinks can be therapeutic too.

    Hope you doing ok MaryE, let us know when you get a chance. x

    #126795
    MaryE
    Member

    Sorry didnt see these replies, not getting notifications again.

    Back at work & its been a very stressfull week.

    Popping vitamins to beat the band so they should help.

    Thanks for all the replies.

    Night out sounds good, although ive already been invited to a few things in feb, so probably be March.

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