miscarriage support?

[lyn11]

Thanks Jene, that is very helpful information for anyone dealing with a problem with the care they received at the hospital they attended.

Good luck getting your notes and scan pictures back Lyn, please let us know how you get on. Take care. x

[lyn11]

H all,

We have lost 2 babies in the last 6 months. A missed miscarriage at 14 weeks ( baby died at 6 and half) and our second died at 9 weeks a few days before Christmas. We have been through a tough time with the hospital we were attending and this has made things worse for us. Does anyone know of a support group in the drogheda area that deals with the issue of miscarriage? Would be very grateful for any suggestions !

Lyn

[Jedt]

You poor thing, so sorry for your two losses. One is tragic, two just seems so cruel. Sadly we have lost 2 babies too and know how difficult it can be.

I am not aware of a support group in Drogheda but there is the Miscarriage Association of Ireland and they are wonderful. They have a website http://www.miscarriage.ie and a support phone number 01- 873 5702.
Everyone associated with the Miscarriage Association has been through one or more miscarriages so they can really offer the support you need to help you get through this very difficult time. They also hold support meetings each month in Dublin, so it’s not too far from Drogheda. The MAI are a huge support to couples who are dealing with the loss of their babies, the meetings are informal and it can be very helpful for couples to be able to get that kind of direct, face to face support.

Mumstown is a good help too, sadly lots of the mums who use the site have been through miscarriage too and can offer you support, advice and help when you need it. When you have a bad day, it is easy to come on here and write down how you are feeling, we understand and will help you get through it and also, let you know that its ok to have a bad day. If you feel like crying or you feel very down, its normal to feel that way but you will come through it.

There is a Mumstown get together once a month in Drogheda, on the 1st Tuesday of the month, the next one is on 1st Feb at Bagel bar, Laurence Town Centre. If you want to come along I will be there and we can have a chat?

Take care of yourself and just take it one day at a time, its really hard nowbut with time, you will learn how to get on with your life and look forward to your future again.

Be kind to yourself. x

[lyn11]

Hi Sabbi,

Thanks for your reply. I did contact the miscarriage association but just couldn’t find the strength to attend the January meeting. What time are your meet ups at in Drogheda?

Just going through a tough time at the moment as our first babies due date was the 31st of Jan. Everyone seems to have forgotten already except me and as each day passes it gets harder at the minute. We don’t have any children yet but hopefully are having some tests done in the coming weeks to try and see if there is a reason this is happening.

Lyn

[Maria30]

Hi Lyn11,

So sorry to hear of your losses. I had a miscarriage the end of June and my due date would have been a couple of weeks ago. I found it very tough but I had a good chat with my dh and I have felt alot better since. I suppose I bottled a lot of stuff up over the last few months and I eventually had no choice but to talk to him about it.

We didnt really do anything to mark the day, we just spent the day together talking, hugging and crying.

I also thought everybody forgot about my baby and some people did but my Mam remembered and brought me a lovely bouquet of flowers (this caused even more tears). People do forget but I dont think its an purpose I think they just get caught up in their own lives and some probably dont want to talk about your miscarriages for fear of upsetting you.

My advice would be to find somebody you feel comfortable with and talk to them about it. They wont mind as they ll realise that they are helping you.

My GP gave me a phone number for breavement counselling as he thinks it will help me. I havent rang yet but I will soon.

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

[Moonflower]

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[lyn11]

Thank you all for your replies, I am so sorry to hear of your losses too.

I have organised to have some tests done privately for blood clotting disorders and auto immune issues. Hopefully they give us some answers and we can see where to go from there.

We don’t plan on marking the day, in fact I am working from early morning til after 9. I just fear letting myself get so down I wont be able to pull myself back…and so I keep as busy as I can. I am surrounded by children as I work in a creche and teach childcare also, so I cant avoid children and babies I have to keep strong outwardly even if I feel I am falling to bits inside.

Has anyone ever requested their notes from a hospital or know how to do this? One of the things that plays on my mind dreadfully is that we had a private scan done when we found out our baby died as the hospital wouldnt see us that day. They gave us lovely scan pictures but the hospital took them when we had to have the results verified there and didnt return them. The lady that gave us these made a special effort to get the best pics she could as she said she understood how important they would be to us. I also dont want to go back to the same hospital but I want another hospital to realise what has happened before and not just treat us as if we havent already lost 2 babies.

Lyn

[Jedt]

I can’t believe what you just wrote there Lyn – the hospital took your private scan pictures and held onto them??? They have no right to those pictures, you paid privately for them, they are not hospital property, they have to give them back to you. They are yours.

I would suggest you contact AIMS and they can advise you. It is just unacceptable they treated you this way. AIMS may be able to help you get your notes and more importantly, pictures back.

Sadly, many couples going through the loss of a baby or – even worse as in your case – the loss of babies, are not treated with the dignity and respect they are entitled to and deserve.

Hopefully AIMS can guide and assist you to have your notes released and get your scan pictures back. If you explain to the hospital that you are going on to have private tests done I cannot see why they would not give you your notes but then, this is the HSE we’re talking about – common sense does not often prevail.

If it was me and I could not get them back, I would go to the media. I hate to say it but often, the hospitals only react to the press. If you need any help on that side of things please PM me, I have some media contacts who may be able to help.

So sorry you are going through such turmoil….keep us posted on how you get on. There is a lot of support for you on here. x

[Moonflower]

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[AIMSIreland]

Dear Lyn,

Sabbi got in touch with me about your story. I hope you don’t mind my posting here. I am so very sorry for your losses and that you were let down in your care during such a difficult time. I am so sorry that your devastating losses were further complicated by unacceptable care and the loss of your precious photographs of your baby.

Every woman is entitled to a copy of her notes, scan and test results, and clinical assessments/reports regarding her maternity care.

To request your notes you need to contact the Patient Liason Officer at the hospital. If you ring your hospital’s main line they can connect you to the appropriate person. Once you get through, the Patient Liason Officer will go through all the steps with you for receiving a copy of your notes – requests must be made in writing and you must give some personal information to verify your request. Your notes will be sent out to you via registered post – usually within 6 weeks. Please make sure you specifically request for your scan photos to be included in your notes.

You might also consider putting in a complaint. The more women that complain, the more likely the services will change to reflect women centred care.

Any women making a complaint regarding her maternity care should do so in writing to the maternity hospital. You may wish to wait until you have your notes to do this – many women feel it helps to have names of care providers and specific clinical information when making a complaint.
Complaints should be sent to the Director of Women’s Services, Head Consultant, Director of Midwifery at the hospital you attended.

You also have the option of making a complaint via the HSE service "Your Service, Your Say". More information on that can be found here: http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/ysys/

You also have the option of making a complaint through your ombudsman. More information on that can be found here: http://www.ombudsman.gov.ie/en/MakeaComplaint/

According to HSE protocol, all complaints made in writing must be acknowledged within 5 working days and a formal response to issues raised within the complaint is within 30 working days from the date of acknowledgment. f it takes longer to look into all the issues raised in your complaint the complaints officer will notify you within thirty working days and will give you an update on what is happening every twenty working days after that.

A written complaint should include:

* Who was involved?
* What happened and when?
* What are you concerned about?
* Have you done anything else to resolve this matter?
* What do you want to happen now?

It will also assist the Complaints Officer if any extra information and/or copies of other relevant documents are attached to your written complaint.

I hope this helps address some of your questions. If you have any further questions or if AIMS can assist you in any other way, please contact us at: support@aimsireland.com OR you can contact me directly at jene@aimsireland.com

Once again, I am so sorry for your losses.

Kindest Regards,

Jene Kelly
Co Chair
AIMS Ireland
jene@aimsireland.com

[lyn11]

Thank you all again for the information you have given me. I am up to my tonsils in work this week as well as fighting off a very sore throat so my mission for next week is to follow up with the organisations you have all told me about.

I have already made a complaint to the hospital and was supposed to meet with the master of the hospital next week however he has cancelled this appointment and not given us a new date yet.

Jene many thanks for such a detailed reply. I will contact you if I need any help in following through with my complaint or seeking my notes.

Lyn

[Jedt]

You poor thing, you’re probably shattered from everything. Take some time to be extra nice to yourself this week and over the weekend. Rest up and then you can get back on the case next week when you feel a bit better.

Hope you get through this weekend ok. Will be thinking of you on your due date. x

[Maria30]

Lyn,

Thinking of you, your dh and your angels today. Hope your ok x x

[Jedt]

Thinking of you and your partner and your two babies today. xx

[lyn11]

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Its been a mad week so havent been online til now. Monday passed with a few tears but not as many as I expected 🙂 Finally the hospital rang back and we have a new appointment with the Master re our complaint. Feel like we are getting somewhere again!

Lyn

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