Lonely….

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Sorry I’m not really sure which area to post this message in.

I’m at stay at home mother of 3 wonderful children, they are everything for me, and I love being at home with them. But some days I feel so alone, like I’ve no friends and the only reason I see other adults is because I leave the house and make an effort to…..

Two years ago I had a stillborn baby, 3 months later a miscarriage, 3 months after that my father was diagnosed with cancer, he had treatment which didn’t work and myself and my family looked after him until he died a year ago. 8 months ago I had a baby boy, who has brought so much joy into our family.

I think that’s why I feel guilty about feeling sad and lonely.

My husband works full time, he goes to the gym most mornings at 6am, comes home about 5.30pm and is either too tired to do anything other that hold the baby and watch tv or he goes to play football. I don’t mind that he goes to play football as he went through everything that I’ve gone through, and was suffering from depression too, and I know it does him good to see other men and have a laugh with them. Its just frustrating that everything is so much easier for men to do, as in he can just leave the house with out worrying who is going to mind the kids, or wash the clothes or cook the dinner etc. I’ve always to ask if he’ll mind them so I can go somewhere or else I bring them all with me.

Some days I’m fine and can do the school run and after school activities with out having a …… I don’t even know what to call it – a confidence meltdown I suppose…. I’ve always found it difficult to make friends, I know lots of people to have a chat with but don’t really have a best friend that I could ring and have a heart felt chat with, I used to have a few close friends but over the years we’ve drifted apart, we’d still kept in touch occasionally but its not the same now…..

I’m just wondering if anyone else would feel like this. And if anyone has any advice on how I can get some me time??

[Fabienne]

Try to joinn some toddlers group, you may or may not make really good friends, but you’ll definitly have a chance to socialise.

I met my best friend at a toddler group.
Last year I felt very lonely, and this year didv start badly as all my very closed friends moved abroad (very far, might see them every second year max) for work.
So because my kids are going to school, I did start to be more involved in the equestrian centre my daughter is riding. Keeps me busy and gives me a chance to see grown-ups.
Also I do Avon, and it’s a way to chat with people, and often I get a cup of tea with deliveries. It’s a way for me especially when my kids were younger to keep in touch with the world of grown-ups otherwise I would have felt very lonely.

How old are your children?
Maybe you should get an activity once a week to meet new faces and have your husband at home so you can get out for a couple of hours without your kids, you love them but every mum need some me time.

Fabienne

[libby1]

Poor u – you have been through so much..

Join toddler groups and get to know others , what age are your other children???

Talk to your hubbie before its too late – let him know the way u feel – try and have one night for yourself do an evening course or join a class in Zumba… They are loads of things going on..

Its difficult with young children buts important to make time for each other as well, your husband goes to the gym and plays football , you need to get involved with something for yourself..

[felicity]

i am flying so this is a quick message. you sound like a lovely lady who loves her kids.i always say a happy mammy leads to happy kids. i am in drogheda and would love to meet you for a coffee and a chat. i am heading to st marys play group on wends and fri at 10am in teach mhuire on dublin road if you fancy meeting up? otherwise i am free to meet up on tue downtown. i have 2 kids. one is 6mth old. send me a private message to arrange meeting up (no pressure). i just love meeting new people.remember staying at home minding kids is a hard job. hope to hear from you
felicity

[Anonymous]

Hi,I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling that way,I think at one time or another we all have felt how you described things.Daily life sometimes can just be so monotonous & you can find yourself in a rut.

like the other ladies,i would suggest trying to get out of the house everyday even if its just for a 30minute walk as it helps clear your head.

i found toddler groups quite difficult but i think that i was just unlucky that there were a lot of "clicky" groups of mums in my area.I hope you are more sucessful.if you live in the drogheda/dundalk area mumtown hold regular coffee mornings & a lot of the mums on this website go to them & they all seem really friendly so if you can you should definately go.

I think you should definatelytalk to your partner about getting some time for yourself aswell.He must understand the benefit it could be for you seen as he gets time away from the home/kids etc…

do post messages on here when you are feeling down,as i know that getting things off your chest will help & we will try to give you advice or help you if we can,take care of yourself, you have been through an awful lot in a very short period of time,so be kind to youself x

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your kind replys.

After writing my message the other day, I spoke to my husband, I think when I seen how I felt writen down I realised that I had to do something (does that make sense). I think he knew I was feeling down but didn’t realise how bad I feel at times (hes rung me already this morning to see if I’m ok, usually don’t hear from him till he comes home)

Basically hes going to make more of an effort to make it easier for me to get out on my own – I know that its still not going to easy for me all the time but hopefully I’ll gain more confidence as time goes by…..

Its also good to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way 😀

Thanks again everyone x

[happymumblemum]

Hi Beezers

Welcome to Mumstown, it sounds like you have had a really terrible time of it hun.

Iam so sorry to hear of your little baby who died , did you have a little boy or a girl? I have recently lost a baby too ( she lived for 12 hours only) and know how difficult this is.
So sorry to hear of your m/c too and of your Dads illness.. sometimes life is so damn hard.
Congratulations though on your little baby boy!

You sound like a wonderful mother to all your children and well done for keeping it all together..!

There is a website isands I don’t know if you have ever been on it but its a wonderful place to go on and talk if you want to about your little stillborn baby and its full of wonderful women.

In terms of meeting up I know there is a coffee morning on the first tues of the month in the bagel bar its run by Mumstown and is a great place to meet people..make yourself known to Siobhan and she will look after you!

We must organise something else soon too ..a meal out or something for us mumstowners!

You can always log on here for a natter too!

[Jedt]

First of all – well done for posting this. It can’t have been easy to write all that down but now that you’re taken that first difficult step, you can start to get the support you need to help you feel better and get out and about more.

I definitely think you need to get out more – sometimes with the children but also if possible without them by yourself once or twice a week. Whether its for a walk and a coffee or to go get your hair done or something – you need some time on your own to recharge.

I go to Labfitness twice a week for some exercise classes. Tomorrow night I am going to skinny jeans at 7pm and Thursday night I am going to Zumba at 8pm, it is a great way to blow off steam. Its is mostly women, all jumping about and letting all the stress go – if you can make it you are most welcome to join me there either night. You can PM me and we can arrange to meet a little before the class starts if you like?

Sometimes I feel too tired to go but I make myself go because I always feel better after I’ve gone. Its a great way to destress and have a good laugh and thats something us mammies need.

Aside from that, you could get out walking/running with some groups in your area or go to some parent & baby groups. There is a regular Mumstown get together on the 1st Tuesday of each month in Bagel bar in Drogheda from 10am-12.

There is parent & baby swim classes, baby massage, baby pilates and loads of other activities to do with baby. Its hard going on your own but its a great way to make friends.

So sorry for all you’ve been through – have you thought about talking to someone about it? Sometimes speaking to a counsellor can be really helpful and you’ve had alot to deal with in the past few years so it might be helpful for you.

Hope some of that helps – please keep posting about how are getting on and if you have a bad day, please let us know – there are lots of shoulders on here you can lean on. 🙂

[Taylor5]

I think most women feel like they are the only ones feeling like this, but they arent most of us have felt like this. How will the kids and the house survive without me for an hour, World war 3 could be going on and i just pick up my water bottle and out the door and i feel the better for it when i get back, most of the time to a hubby who has everything under control and 2 happy kids.

Men are a selfish breed, they have their hobbies and thats that, they dont feel guilt when they run out the door while one child wipes snot on it and the other could be vomiting ring around the place…. but a mammy couldnt run out and leave that scene! But why not?
I remember freaking out when i came home from a lovely day out to find the house a fecking tip, dh half asleep on the sofa and the kids eating crap beside him watching a DVD! If i was there i would have been doing the washing or somethingelse…. then one day i said wait a minute, why not sit and watch the movie with the kids, snuggle and eat popcorn.
It sometimes can be so hard being a wife, mammy, housewife, taxidriver and an individual person at the same time.

[Jedt]

I often walk into the village in Bettystown with baby – so if you fancy a yap and a coffee let me know. x

[Anonymous]

Really glad to read that you have talked to your partner about how you are feeling.I hope things get better for you really soon 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your kind replys.

I am feeling better this week, still lonely etc but then I’ll probably never be the same as I was before all the ‘bad stuff’ happened.

To be honest looking through all the articles here on mumstown is really helping with the loneliness. Its like when I remember to turn the radio on in the mornings, I feel like Ray (Ray D’Arcy) is talking to me 😆

I used to go to a play group before all the ‘bad stuff’ and I’ve arranged to meet some of the women from that tomorrow, they still meet up. Hopefully I’ll be ok, sometimes I find that I avoid people that know what I’ve been through cause I think that they are uncomfortable talking to me…. I probably over think things too….

Thanks again everyone xx

[libby1]

Why don’t you chat away on INSANE CHAT? This might help, glad to see your meeting friends,
Don’t look at all that happened as bad stuff – its a learning curve for u, we all have different experiences – we are meant to get stronger with each one…

Hope things get better for u..

[Taylor5]

I know inane chat is brilliant…. Breezers i think thats why Gerry Ryans death moved so many people, he came into our kitchens everyday, he was a little friend in the mornings.
Im not a lover of Ray, no one can replace Gerry for me

[Jedt]

Keep chatting – thats most important. Yes its difficult to talk with people about what you went through but its like ripping off a bandaid, its hard at first but then it gets easier.

When we had out first miscarriage I was like a demon, I could not talk about it. I was so upset and angry and I didn’t know how to cope. I wanted to lean on family & friends but did not know how. I started to write a diary and that was a great release for me and eventually, I learned how to talk about it – it was very awkward at the start but it got easier and my family & friends did not have to tip toe around me anymore.

Don’t be afraid – the more you talk about how you are feeling and the more you get out to meet other mums and and open up, the more you feel like yourself again.

I am heading to Zumba tonight @ Labfitness – this is a great class for anyone at any fitness level. You do not have to be fit to do this class – its pure fun, alot of silly jumping about and basically a way to work out and de-stress but still feel great afterwards. If you fancy it, I can meet you before the class starts at about 7.45pm. You can email me on siobhan@mumstown.ie if you fancy it. No pressure, I am going anyway and it would be nice to have some company! 🙂

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