lonely SAHM………in Dundalk……

[ciarac]

Hi

I am living in Dundalk, from Galway originally, so don’t get to travel home much with 2 little ones, 2 and 6months.
Some days I get very lonely as really don’t have anyone to chat to on the phone other than family r meet up with . I find it can be very lonely on my own all the time…. my dh works for himself so does long hours and I do his accounts in the evenings etc.
the only people who babysit for me and who I would trust! are my parents (who live in galway) or my sis, who is in Dublin. I have the inlaws from hell…. who only live mins away but have never helped out, and to be honest I would prefer them to stay away now altogether as all they do is cause hassle. I had PND with my dd (2yr old now) and have to say a lot of this was from the stress of them…. so thankfully I didn’t get, so far anyway, PND with my ds and thats because I am trying not to let them worm into my life and stress or criticise me anymore.
All my friends I ahve made are through work etc, and are all having babies, have their families v close by, so don’t have time to be meeting up etc.
My dd is very very very shy, like her Mammy, so it can be hard for her to mix too and I want to get that out of her too, she is v shy with strangers and grand with those she knows.
Can anyone advise me on what to do? I mean literally my dh works all the time, so I get no free time……..eg wanted to get my hair cut…..since sept, finally got an appointment made for 22nd december……… thats how hard it is to get out! not fair on dragging my parents up all the time to give us a night out etc….

anyway, I am REALLY sorry for the big moan…. just wondering is there anyone else outthere who feels like this? any solutions….. its hard when you aren’t local and people don’t really mix anymore around the neighbourhood, and then hard to work around 2 kids naptimes and feeding times, leaves a trip into town v rushed…..

Thanks girls for reading, sorry for wrecking your head…….

[Taylor5]

Ciara Im not well at the moment but when Im better Id be happy to help you out with babysitting if needed…. Even if you need another hair cut you could drop the kids to my house and get your hair cut ini Drogheda.
I hate to see someone with no family around them, mine are only in Dublin but I know how it feels

[Sweetpea]

Hi Ciara,
I know who you feel, I am a West of Ireland Girl myself with a little lady soon to be 1 year old. We live just outside drogheda and i too have no family close by. My parents are the best in the world but they are a 4 hour journey away and while we do our best to meet regularly its not the same as being able to just drop by. And when you are a "blow in" it does take time to get to know people, it can be hard to break into that "clique" on top of the fact that it can be hard to even find the time with a baba to get the chance to get out.
I gave up work to be with my DD full time and dont regret it, it has been a great year but yes there are times when you wonder what is happening with the world out side your front door. It can be lonely.
But please dont feel alone. My DD and I are always looking for things to do and people to meet so dont hesitate to give us a call (pm me anytime) and I’m sure we could hook up for a chat. (keep the west coast alive on the east coast 😉 😉 )
Plus you have now found MT and they are great chatters in here…. you will never be short of on-line company or advice.
Chat soon, SP

[happymumblemum]

Ciara,
I understand how you feel , we have no family close by either and it is very tough alright..like thegirls said there is always some one to chat to on here for a bit of light relief. And as far as outings I am free most days to go out for a couple of hours just pm me !! Stick the kids in the car and they will sleep then on the way out!!! Dundalk isnt far away from us here in Drogheda and the areas in between!!!
Winter time is harder though as theres not as much to do etc Summer will be loads better and by then you will have loads of mates on here and we can do beach and park trips etc… as for now get them kids in the car and come for a spin out!!! I know it is tough with naps etc especially with two but sometimes break teh routine and let them nap on there way out or home etc.
Also are there any mother and toddler groups around near you perhaps?
This web site is a great resource I have made a lot of friends through this already
x

[posie]

Hi Ciara
I understand completely. It’s very hard making a new life for yourself somewhere new, when you don’t know anybody in the area. It doesn’t help when you’re extremely shy (like I am). No matter how much you love your children, you definitely need some adult company. I’ve found having a baby has helped, it gives you an ‘excuse’ to talk to people you might never have spoken to before. Definitely try a mother and baby group – even if you don’t know anybody there, just pluck up the courage and go. We don’t have any regular babysitters. Me and hubbie have been out 3 times together since babs was born (he’s nearly 7 months). But I’m going to start looking into getting a local girl to babysit if I can find one, just so that we can get out every once in a while.
As the other girls said, this website is great and the people are lovely.

[Gismo]

Hi Ciara,

I’m on here all the time and work in Dundalk. I am free for lunches from 1-2 and could certainly meet up with you. Sorry it would only be for an hour. Maybe if your hubby could look after the kids one evening we could go the cinema or meet up for some other activity after work. I finish at 5.30. I live in Dunleer which is only ten minutes on the motorway. YOu can pm me anytime with your number and we can arrange to meet up. You poor thing you sound so lonely. Well the girls in here are great I have to say. So chin up chick.

Gismo

[ciarac]

THANK YOU SOOOOOoooo much girls… 😀

Sorry didn’t mean to sound sooo depressing, my god after reading that and sounds awful….. most days are grand here, just lonely for a bit of craic etc you know yourself!
Gismo, thanks for that, but wouldn’t torture you with 2kids at your lunchbreak, your freedom from work!!!!!!

I tried a mother and baby group nearby a few times, came home feeling awful, my dh was ready to go down and give out to the girl who runs it, (he knows her) NOBODY would talk to me, I tried so many times, they moved away, and huddled into a circle and whispered, was like being at school or something!!! I got talking to another mum who said that was her last time trying, she was from ardee but worked in dundalk, and wanted to meet new mums etc, she had been going a few weeks and I ws the only one that would talk to her! especially as the group is locally run, all the mums are local, so all know each other etc, and really were unfriendly. Was going to try a gymboree group, but that’s cancelled here til maybe january……
Sweetpea thanks for that too, and happymumblemum and posie, I really appreciate all your help and advice. Taylor thanks for the offer to, you take care of yourself.
I am just so scared of falling back into depression coz I can’t get out, I mean both are aleep now, but then ds will be awake in a few mins for grub, by the time I have him fed, dd is awake, then get her up after all her messing etc, and then its nap time for ds… thats when i try to nip into town and hope he sleeps in the buggy, then its a rush home to get grub into him again and then dinner on for us 3! its just all go!
Plus I feel sooo so guilty that my dd, who adores other kids, but is so shy, that she will be too upset going to playschool etc. feel like I am being a bad mum. Was thinking of putting her into a creche 1 or 2 mornings a week, but its expensive and then all of them wanted her in 3-4 mornings as said she wouldn’t settle down with just 1 or 2.
Just want to do rite for my kids, but as you all said, need to have a life of my own too!!!!!

anyway, i won’t wreck your head anymore, but I really wanted to say Thanks so much . Will defo contact ye for some meetups etc, will be good for me and for the 2 kids.
Thanks 😀

[MNG]

Hi Ciarac 🙂

Welcome to Mumstown 🙂

Cheer up & Dont worry Be Happy!

[Gismo]

Hi ciara c. No problem at all. I have a little boy aged 20 months so know how challenging it is bringingthem into town! But honestly its no problem to meet up anytime even if you can manage to get away some evening let me know.

[joey_rudd]

hi ciara and welcome
being a parent can be challenging especially when you have no support around you
having two children so close in age can be good they can grow up together and they’ll always have someone to play with but then you’d get no time for yourself and when and if you do you just want to rest
i have 2 girls 2yrs 11months and 4 weeks and a boy 15months and just getting all of them up dressed and out the door can take a lot of organising and an extra set of hands, so i know whats its like to get going anywhere but i started going to a parent toddler group in drogheda the last two weeks even though i was scared to but the people are really nice and make an effort to try and include you and your children in everything
I just want to say keep trying to get out there and make friends even talking and making friends on here is a great start
hope it starts the ball rolling for a great many friendships for you and your children
myself and my hubby haven’t been out together in over a year and i had to cut my own hair cause i haven’t had the chance or time to get to a hairdressers either
the people on this site are really great and will make you feel welcome
good luck…sorry for waffling on a bit! 🙄

[Moonflower]

Hi Ciara,

so pleased to see you have had such lovely replies from everyone! I think you have put into words what many of us feel like inside. I am originally from uk and spent five years here trying to make friends and being very lonely….but eventually I have managed to make some friends and found interests to meet even more people….but the best little person ever to have helped me was my DS…..he got me out there and mixing……but before i had him I found it very hard to make friends…..

My hubby works shifts and i often miss out on things because of his shifts but I just try to make the most of when i can go and of course get frustrated when i cant!! 👿

Also the mother and toddler group thing, can be an absolute nitemare I know!!! When i first started going to the one i go to I was so lonely and everyone else seemed to know each other and be making plans to meet for coffee in each others houses and I just seemed to be on outside….I used to come home crying many a time……but I kept going and eventually I met a lovely bunch of girls and am so glad I persevered, but there were a few bad experiences along the way.

A friend of mine has a babysitting circle going with a few of her friends, they take in in turns to babysit each others children, which is great when you have no family close by and money is tight to pay a babysitter. I am not in her babysitting circle, as I hate to leave Ds with anyone, only ones i would feel happy with is my family in uk, but of course thats not possible, so have to try to get over that and trust a little more…….I think babysitting circles are great ideas 😀

You are also very welcome to pm me for a chat or like the others have said we could have a meet up, and try our best to fit in with you, as it seems at the moment you are having to fit in with everyone else.

I hope from the replies you have received so far, you dont feel quite so lonely, you have friends on here 🙂

Take care,

Moonflower xx

[happymumblemum]

Ciara, some mother and toddler groups are like that alright 👿 you cold always take a spin to one of the mother and toddler groups here in Drogheda as girls on the site would be there and you would have instant friends 😆 theres one in town on a tuesday i think scole and taylor go too..there is also one in Astro tots on a wednesday morning as well loads more all around the place, just have a good look on the site.

Why would your dd be upset going to playschool? I am sure she will be absolutely fine , my dd now 4 has been going to the local playschool only 2 mornings a week since she was 2 and is now in the montessori group she is charged 40 e for the two mornings 9-12.30, now I couldnt afford her in all week either, just have a chat with some other group maybe.

As I said I am free most days during the week, we make our plans before lunch for the afternoon then just head out at 1 or 2 ish usually for a couple of hours so we could do a trip up to Dundalk 😆 my dd loves nosing round other peoples houses. 😆

I really do understand Ciara some days i feel like i am going insane and i only have 1 sprog 😆 i just wish i could dump her round at my mums or my sister/brother /cousin and have a few hours me time but there is no one around to help 🙁 and she is an extremely demanding and whingey child ( my neighbour said if my dd was hers she would be in Ardee mental asylum 😆 😆 thats her not my dd!!! ) So you are not alone hun there a re plenty of mums sitting home on there lap tops feeling just as miserable some of the time 😀

On a food tip topic when i know i am gonna be back from a trip late and wont have time to get tea ready for everyone without rushing i make something up at lunch ready to pop on the stove as soon as i come in usually a stew type concoction 😀
And dont try to be superwoman inthe kitchen try and have one evening off and get a chinese delivered most toddlers love beef fried rice and chips 😆 😆

[Taylor5]

Hi there
Is there another play group in Dundalk, Im sure there is more thenone. HMM and I went (at different times) to one in Drogheda and we both hated it and never went back, we did both find different groups which were so friendly. The first group I went to the woman all spoke to each other about "their" nights out or topics, I felt sooo left out only 1 or 2 spoke to me so I stopped going to a group at all, then found the new group and its brilliant and the girls are wonderful. keep looking you’ll find something

[Canucklass]

Hi Ciara
I too know how you feel.

I have a 1yr old dd. I decided not to go back to work in order to look after dd. I am not Irish, my partner is English and therefore we have no one close by in terms of family or friends. My "friends" are from work and now that I no longer work there have little in common with them anymore so don’t see them. My DH works all the hours that God allows him as well.

I too am very shy so find getting out to coffee mornings etc daunting. I have been going to the UK to stay with my inlaws so I have some company and can see friends etc. I am happier there in general and am able to get out more because of trains etc.

I have been so homesick the last few weeks. My parents visited me for the first time and I have been in the dumps since they left. I have been so upset lately I begged my DH for us to leave Ireland and move back to the UK or to Canada as soon as possible.

I haven’t been on this site for weeks now and when I saw your post today and the replies I broke down in tears relieved to know that I am not alone in feeling the way I do. I have been feeling ungrateful and selfish and stupid etc etc for feeling down. I love my child and being with her but I am fed up with the 4 walls of the house, the crappy weather that prevents me from getting out although I have been wandering in the rain – I don’t drive so rely on my feet and buggy wheels. I am in need of a break! Not being able to go home or to the UK for Christmas isn’t helping the situation either and I cannot wait for the day to come and go.

Sorry for moaning…..

Perhaps we can meet up sometime and have a chat. This website is good for sanity and a laugh! I need to get one here more! My first New Year’s Resolution

🙂

[ciarac]

ah Canucklass, you poor thing…… at least my family are only 5hours drive away……. (but still havne’t been home since my ds was born in MAy.!!!)
I am the exact same, the friends you think you have at work, when youre not there, its so different, everyone has their own lives and then they aren’t really "friends" anymore…
I am awful shy, as is my dd, and I really wish for her sake that she wasn’t, I kind of blame myself for this, and that’s why I am so afraid of her going to playschool. I dread leaving her and her bawling her eyes out. The only people she has been with is me and dh, or else my parents or sis who have babysit whenever they could. So that’s why I am dreading it Happymumblemum, coz I don’t want her to be scared like I always bloody am, and to hate it. I know after a while she will LOVE it, but dread it too!
What time are the groups at in Drogheda and where? I really don’t know Drogheda, only Smyths! hospital, the scotch hall so knowledge is crap!!!!
Thank god though that I wasn’t the only one who felt like that at these groups, thats why my dh went mad when i came home one day in tears, they are meant to help us mums not make us feel worse……. i since then spoke to 2 others who tried same group and left after a few weeks trying….
Canucklass, where do you live? please do pm and we can exchange numbers email address’s etc and see from there, I am always just at the end of the phone line so please don’t feel lonely. It is really hard on your own, its great being able to get the chance to stay at home with our kids but also very hard on your own all the time with them….. much as we love them, and yes, crappy weather is bloody awful, can’t get anywhere…

Happymumblemum, would love to meet up too, and you are always welcome to come up to "lovely" dundalk. Let me know so I can have the house half clean!!! 😮

yes you are rightre the dinner etc, but I have got so selfconscious I am trying to lose weight and so afraid to get anything out etc

moonflower, babysitting circles sound great, but like you, as my dd only really knows my family I couldn’t just leave her with a "stranger" but fab idea, thanks for offer, might be pm’ing you all the time and wrecking your head!
Joey-rudd, well done getting out and getting into the group, say you feel better now for getting into it. Thanks.

thanks girls you have all been so kind 😀

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