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I am looking for advice as regards my little boy hitting and kicking me. What is the right way to deal with this? It started about three weeks ago. I thought it was down to him being overtired, but no. It can happen at any stage of the day. I really want to nip it in the bud in an effective way……..any advice?
hiya anne-marie i was a big believer in smacking with my 1st child .but have to say it got me nowhere ,,after watching supernanny on the tv i tried the "time out" ,it a minute for there age .like 3 minute for a 3 year old .its great and it works 4 me….hope this helps ..
The naughty step worked for us. When ever the kids are naughty we put them on the step and ask them to think about what they did and they can only come back when they are ready to behave and say sorry.
You could try asking him why he is doing it? Sometimes they will give a reason for their bad behaviour.
Also, I never call my children naughty. I say ‘that was a naughty thing to do’ or I might say ‘that was bad behaviour from such a good boy’ but I don’t say ‘you are naughty’. I don’t want to label them as being naughty, apparently if we call them that they will start to believe it 😕
Picked that tip up at a seminar on behaviour a few years back!
Hope thats helpful. Best of luck sorting it out.
Thanks Lana & Sabbi,
I’m trying to give him the vocabulary for his feelings but he’s just two and a half, so not able to label what he’s feeling at the moment. He does mimic me and say "I’ll get cross with you". When i see his interpretation of me, i have to admit….it’s scarey!(and hilariously funny) I’ve tried time out too but he says sorry immediately and throws his arms around me.
I did a little research on the net yesterday and came across something i think i might try. Basically when he hits or kicks, you take his arm before it hits you and explain…..we don’t hit because it hurts! simple right? It appealed to me because it gives a valid explanation that he can comprehend. Hopefully after a week or so he will understand and the habit will (hopefully) stop. If it doesn’t i will definately do time out.
Thanksfor the advice girls.
Another thing you can do is to make a point of telling him when he is being a good boy. Kids love praise so when he does something nice, tell him he is being good and nice. He might try to do more nice things to get more praise.
My daughter has been having some tantrums lately, shes 2.5 and has tried hitting and kicking (usually her brother and sister) and we have put her on the naughty step a few times and it really has worked. I don’t like doing it but it saves me from losing my temper and gives her a chance to think about what she has done. So far we’ve only done it a few times so hopefully she is almost out of this tantrums phase and it won’t be a regular thing. I’m such a softie, I don’t like having to reprimand them but sometimes its necessary. It’s a hard job being a parent sometimes 🙂
Gotta love ‘The terrible twos’ eh?
Good luck
I have 2.5 year old too who is going through a bit of phase too.
Recently, after i gave out to him for throwing food,he told me " i am going to hit you mammy" & came over to me flying his fists, i was in shock as it had never happened before but i just grabbed his arms & held them & kept repeating, "No hitting, mammy doenst hit you & you dont hit mammy, no hitting in this house", eventually he calmed down but it is happened a few times since & i have just repeated myself.
I tried time out but he just got angerier & angerier & started kicking the walls – so i gave up on that.
Sometimes when he is having a tantrum, i dont give it to his demands but i do try to give him a big hug (if he will let me) till he calms down as hate to see him upset.
Yesterday i brought him to the shops, i had no buggy with me as came straight from the creche but we had a big chat on the way about him not running off on me & holding my hand and that if he did so, he would get sweets on the way home. he seemed to understand & was repeating everything i said back tome. Anyway, we were only three two minutes before he ran out of dunnes & into the newsagents next door, but i didnt know where he had gone & had to ask people if they ahd seen him. I got such a fright, He can run so fast & im nearly six months pregnant, so not up for it. When i got to the news agents, he was there smiling at me with a packet of sweets in his hand. Well, i can tell you i dont think he will do it again, he certainly didnt get the sweets, i abondoned my shopping & we went straight home & he heard about it all the way home, although he may not have been listening as all he could do was cry about the sweets he didnt get!!
Its hard to know what to do sometimes. Hopefully its just their age & a phase.
I have to say ,your all doing the right things girls. Another thing that works is the Phraise Chart. They get a sticker or a star or watever they wish to put on it. You don,t need to go buying any Charts now just get an A4 page and fill in the days leave little boxes to put your star or watever in it at the end of the day when they have behaved. But the most important thing is to keep Phraising them all the time NOT just once or twice a day and remember to Phraise yourself too 😀
Praising ourselves too – now that IS a novelty!! Although sounds nice, I wouldn’t mind a few stars on a chart, might earn me a bar of chocolate or glass of wine when the kids are in bed 😀 😀
Good idea Liverbird!!
Oh lord, I am in the middle of all this too – mine is now three. There have been some major changes in the last few months and we reckon this is his way of showing his frustration. I went back to work, he started first playschool and then a minder and his little sister has been walking and taking attention away.
He started scratching, biting, hitting, etc. Anyhow, the naughty step does not work at all – cannot get him to stay there. I do however have stair guards, top and bottom – so picked him up and put him in his room. He thought it was funny at first but soon learned that he only got sent there when he misbehaved. He does apologise immediately now but I still give him a few minutes to think about what he had done.
removing something they love..in my dd’s case its her money she earns for doing bits and bobs…
I think once you say a punishment unless you carry it through then it is pointless, so make sure its something that is easy enough for yourself…no point in saying they aren’t allowed to play out then have them under your feet all day 😆
My little boy is just gone 2yrs. I don’t like the words ‘naughty step’ and as well as that have the bottom step gone, using a stair gate. However, we have a little cheap child’s plastic chair (€3.99 in smyths) and call it simply ‘the blue chair’. Its sitting in the hall. If he is doing something he shouldn’t I ask him to stop and explain if not he willl have to go sit on his blue chair. He says no, shakes his head and really doesn’t want to have to sit on the chair. So I tell him if he is a good boy and doesn’t hit etc. again then he can keep playing and doesnt have to go sit on the blue chair. I only have to say ‘blue chair’ and he knows. Don’t smack him at all. When he does have to sit on the blue chair I ask him to sit on the chair and tell him simply why. He did try to get off in the begining and even moved the chair into the kitchen, still sitting on it so what could I say 😆 But I just kept putting him back on the chair, walked away and said you can get off the chair when mammy says. I never left him long, only a minute or two. But it probably seems forever to a child. Works for me, might help.
Hi girls,
Wow,is this site cool or what? Great venting spot too. Love the Mammy’s reward ideas too. haha. I reckon that this tantrum thing is just them trying to asserte themselves and discover their personalities. Now obviously in order to do this,they’re gonna push a load of boundaries to see what and how much they can get away with.
Of course,we all need our coping mechanisms when dealing with it,but I reckon the jury’s still out for me on the whole Naughty or Bold step as I call it. I think its a case of different strokes for different folks.
The underlying message I get is,Don’t lose the rag with them i.e shout or hit them because the former shows you’re losing control and the latter teaches them to hit.
I have a little girl who is 4 on Sunday and she still kills her brother who is 6. Admittedly depending on form,i will use bold step or sometimes just split them up and have a chat to each of them about being bold and how upset I am. Generally kids can relate to a sad face because they do it all the time, 😆 I explain why I was upset and ask them say…."would u be happy if Mammy shouted at u?"
Now the other thing I deal with which I’m sure many do is SMS,i call it Single mother symdrome, 😆 When my two go to their Dad’s at weekends,I always find them bold first day when they come up. Daddy likes to be mister fun and lets them away with murder so I find I have to remind them where they are when they come home. 🙄
Thing that puts me a bit off the step thing goes back to when my son was 3. We came down the stairs one morning and we had this thing where we counted all the steps,to help with numbers. Got to the bottom step and said 12. He says to me "Now mammy,12 bold steps!"
This just said to me that to him "a step is a step" Funny but true.
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