April 7, 2008 at 11:05 am #2412
Hi there, just wanted to hear peoples opinions/solutions on "bullying/picking on" when it comes to kids. My daughter who is 6, is unfortunately the only girl on our road. Apart from one other who is about 8/9 and so wouldnt want to be playing with a 6 year old. The rest of the kids on the street are all boys of the same age (6), bar one child who is 12 (who happens to be the brother of the 8 year old girl mentioned above).
As he is the oldest child on the road, the rest of the little fellas follow him around like sheep (as kids do) My problem is, my little one is being picked on by all the other kids on the road, purely because she is the only girl, and because the 12 year old fella just doesnt like her so the rest of them follow suit! Funny thing being that the others play fine with her when the eldest isnt around!
I have tried speaking to the parents about it, but to be honest, to no avail! I feel so sorry for my daughter as she is a very affectionate little one and loves being with other kids, but it just breaks my heart when she is not included in their games. e.g. yesterday they were all out playing in a tent & wouldnt let her in! I end up getting so frustrated by it and it ends up upsetting me because i just dont know what to tell her! Plus the fact that im 4 months pregnant, the hormones dont help!
Up to know, i have just told her to ignore the 12 year old and just say "whatever" if he is mean to her. But im just losing my patients now and its getting to the point where i dred coming home in the evenings and her asking me can she play out, as i spend the whole time in the window watching that they arent pushing her about and the like. It has come to the point where i want to move house, but i suppose there are bullies everywhere nowadays! I hope this post makes sense when your reading it. I could just do with some advice from an outside source.April 7, 2008 at 11:36 am #58789redbellsMember
Why is the 12 year old playing with 6 year olds?
One thing you can do is cultivate one on one friendships with some of the kids from the road that she really likes; invite one of them in for supervised play together, or take her and one friend to the park or pool or something you are up for. If the 12 year old is picking on your daughter, he is probably picking on the other kids when she is not around, and by seperating them you change the dynamic.
Good luck, I know it is a tough situation.April 7, 2008 at 11:40 am #58790
Yes that question is something myself and my husband have been asking ourselves!!!!! He obviously doesnt have any pals his own age to play with and so likes the feeling of being in control or "the boss" for want of better phrasing!
Thanks for your thoughts & ideas i really do appreciate it! Sometimes i feel like im just over reacting, but its very hard to see her sad face coming in the door!April 7, 2008 at 12:04 pm #58791
oooohh I would be arrested! God bless your patients! I dred the day i find out anyone has picked on one of my kids because i wouldnt stand for it not now not ever!When i was growing up you had to learn for yourself (in dublin) or learn the hard way should i say. If we where picked on my mother would send us back out to hit them back and if we didnt she would give us a clip around the ear! 🙄 But it thought us to stand up for ourselfs. My daughter is 4.5 and if she is out playing and one of the kids hit her she knows not to come crying into me but to hit them back. (not that i would tell her off or ignore her if she was hurt but i dont want her coming in winging everytime over little things) Also i wouldnt take crap of other mothers who give it the big MY SON MY SON wouldnt do that approach, then id let her have it. I dont care people have different opinions. Im not one for taking the softy approach that wont save her if a gang jumps on her after school or when she is not with you, what does she say "hang on a minute lads/girls lets talk about this!" Its tough but if i was you i would start teaching her to stand up for herself now and give as good as she gets. This 12 year old has no confidence and picks on her because he can so with a little reverse pschology he should back off. He is obviously feeling very angry and is lashing out on the softest person which is your daughter unfortunately. Good luck and dont worry. Most bullys get whats coming to them eventually.April 7, 2008 at 1:45 pm #58810
Thanks a mil! Its really interesting to hear everyones point on the matter! I didnt know whether it was just me being overprotective of her or what! I dont want to keep going on about it at home cause im sure the family are sick listening to me going on about it, so to be able to have a rant on here is great! See my folks came from the generation of say nothing, keep your head down! And thats the way i was raised. And i found it hard growing up as i ended up being picked on in primary (as im sure alot of people did) cause i was a pretty "keep to myself" person. I wasnt outgoing like some of the girls in school and i remember how it felt, AWFUL! And i always said i wouldnt let my kids have that same feeling! I have told her the oul – if someone hits you, hit them back scenario – but at the same time, i dont want any mothers coming to me saying "yours hit mine" and all that rubbish! God almighty, and im having another one! I hope i can manage these types of scenarios by the time the next one is her age!April 7, 2008 at 1:56 pm #58812
Well if they come to you saying she hit them first then of course she is in the wrong and thats up to you how you deal with her but if she is hit and she hits them back and the mothers come to you then you have every right to stand up for your daughter and let them know that you are teaching her to stand up for herself and if their child got slapped back then they deserved it. Seriously dont let other parents put you in a corner just because you feel its better to shut up and put up and hopefully it will go away because it wont.
Your daughter will just learn to keep her head down all the time and why should she. Bullying goes on forever and even in the workplace these days so its time now to nip it in the bud and prepare her for the big bad world and for when you cant protect her.April 7, 2008 at 2:02 pm #58813
Yeh i know, your dead right! She will meet bullies everywhere she goes! Now dont get me wrong, she can have her moments, like every other child, she isnt an angel by any stretch of the imagination!!! But at the same time, she is a good natured kid and i just dont want that taken advantage of and picked on because of it! Yes will need to try the "stand up for yourself" approach! Will keep this post updated to let you know how things are going! Thanks again, and feel free to leave any more suggestions ye may have! Thanks a million xApril 7, 2008 at 2:11 pm #58818
Your a great mum and we can only do our best at the end of day 🙂April 7, 2008 at 2:15 pm #58821
Ah jaysus you’ll have me windging in a min would ya stop! Me hormones are all over the place 🙄April 7, 2008 at 2:17 pm #58822Taylor5Member
You dont happen to live in Five Oaks do you? There is a little girl beside me and she plays with the other boys (only one girl about 9) well the younger ones, but when the older boys are out they make the younger ones tell her to go away… I do be listening to them as they play outside my house the poor kids goes off crying her eyes out…. it sounds soooo like you dd caseApril 7, 2008 at 2:19 pm #58823
Mine too!! A kid nick nacked on my door the weekend and i was going to kick his ass!! I was like acrazy woman with big green eyes and puffing ears running down the garden to catch him!!! God help your neighbours kids when you are 8/9months and the narky hormones kick in!!!! 😆April 7, 2008 at 2:26 pm #58824
No Taylor im not in Five Oakes, im in Grange Rath. But im sad to see it happening on another street though! God love the little thing! The others must think they cant be heard or something!April 7, 2008 at 2:34 pm #58826
That is terrible. My heart would break if i saw that happening those kids mothers shouldnt allow their kids to be so bloody bold and spoilt. Your child deserves to be ablt to play out. Sure look at it this way maybe she is better off away from them horrible kids. Maybe you could organise a playdate with a few of the other mums on here two evenings a week. When the weather is good in the evenings. I know i do that with my friends little girls and they play out the back garden on the swings and trampoline and if its raining they go up to her room and play. Its only for a couple of hours but atleast she is getting to play and interact with other kids who actually want to have fun and play together. Them kids on your road are just nasty little shits shes betteroff away from them.April 7, 2008 at 2:34 pm #58827Taylor5Member
God thats mad, when I read your post I it described the suitation on my street to a tee…. You dd might find new friends or maybe the older boys will start to grow up and move on to other things
Would you not try and talk to the parents again?April 7, 2008 at 2:36 pm #58828
Yes if the older boys would find friends there own age that would be a start! Quite sad really isnt it! Thanks for the feedback though !
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