April 21, 2011 at 12:53 am #11723
editedApril 21, 2011 at 7:33 am #112495munchinParticipant
mmmmm if it was my hubby i’d want to know BUT you really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors etc and i think there’s a bigger part of me that would stay well away and not get involved. It’s a hard one to call because i would also hate to have that weighing on my mind.
I do know someone who was having an affair from before she got married and affair was still going on through out her own wedding, i was told in confidence and was raging that i had been told in first place – i only see this person occasionally maybe 1 a yr type thing but everytime i see her it’s on my mind. i can’t say anything even if i wanted to as i was told in confidence and i can’t break the confidence of the person who told me.
Not everyone would agree but i’d stay well away altogetherApril 21, 2011 at 8:03 am #112501MaryEMember
In my opinion, it depends how well you know the wife?
If my dh was having an affair and i found out about it and then found out that others knew about it and never said a word to me, i not only would be heart broken with hubby but would also disown the friends.
Then again, ive heard of a situation of a wife knowing about her dh having an affair (although she never confronted him) and just led a lie, so as not to rock the boat and she seemed happy enough to do so. Maybe the wife knows already?April 21, 2011 at 8:30 am #112504FabienneMember
It depends how well you know the couple.
Why not approach him, and ask him to be honest with his wife, has the word is spreading and she’ll know soon.
Then after a while talk to her, saying you heard rumours about him cheating, and you don’t know if it’s true but you prefer to tell her and let her check.
But after that you may not be welcome in their life for a while.
Or they could appriciate that you tried to help.
I would like to know even if it would distroy me.
FabienneApril 21, 2011 at 9:17 am #112508
editApril 21, 2011 at 9:28 am #112511mammycoolParticipant
A very hard one to call. Many years ago, my dad went out for a night – he met his brother-inlaw with another woman. The man was totally blatant – he brought her to a place that my father was going to be. My dad was hopping mad – he was making a fool of his sister.
Anyhow, my mother told him not to get involved and say nothing. The very first opportunity, my dad told his sister about her husbands carry on. She immediately confronted my mother for not telling her. A week or so later, she came back to tell them that it was all a misunderstanding – there was nothing going on with this woman.
This went on with various different women for years – and my aunt happily said nothing and believed all the lies. When their daughter was in her teens, I think she suspected, because she decided that she would join her daddy on one of his nights out dancing – reckon she was going to keep an eye on him.
Anyhow, my father and his sister fell out and did not talk for about 10 years. My aunt and her husband are now in their seventies and still married. He still has a wandering eye – not sure if he is still carrying on.
I think in a lot of cases in the past, the wife did know and chose to ignore it – possibly for financial reasons as they did not work.April 21, 2011 at 9:38 am #112516
editApril 21, 2011 at 10:51 am #112519chickpeaMember
oh gosh this is a very tricky one..
maybe write an anonomous letter to the wife…If your friends and you dont want to risk falling out this may be a way of letting her know…she may already have her suspicions and stuff. its a hard one to call…god love her…
and when you meet in june as couples you will be able to test the waters…your in a very tricky situation. but if the shoe was on the other foot would you want to know…i think i would but id be devastated…your head must be melted taylor….mine would be.April 21, 2011 at 3:43 pm #112530CaliGalMember
I would stay outta it as things are not what they always seem to be. Perhaps they have an open marriage or some other arrangement? Marriage means different things to different people..
You are opening up a can of worms that is really not your concern in the grand scheme of things..I know from experience that it will just bite you in the ass in the long run.
Now if the kilds were being abused I would most certainly say something but in this case I would suggest you not say anything… 🙄April 21, 2011 at 5:24 pm #112534happymumblemumParticipant
I agree with Cali Girl……April 22, 2011 at 12:07 am #112539
editedApril 22, 2011 at 9:11 am #112544CaliGalMember
Coming from LA this is really a commonplace thing unfortunately. Many women are happy to be taken care of financially and keep up appearances while their husbands have loads of mistresses 😯
In the end I learned that both involved are getting out of the relationship what is important to them if that makes any sense. Not my cuppa tea but that’s not how my personal relationship is so I just roll my eyes and thank goodness it’s not me involved…
AYe yai yai it’s a shame to think that this has been going on as long as marriage has been around!April 23, 2011 at 12:01 am #112557
Thanks girls i have my mind made up, not telling her… i just wanted to edit as someone asked would she know who i was on mt, dont think so but you never know!!!April 23, 2011 at 10:37 am #112559ArtyMumMember
I agree with the others. I think I would stay out. No one knows what really goes on behind closed doors, what the wife or husband know, what their agreements are etc.April 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm #112565FabienneMember
Staying out of it would be the most sensible thing to do. Even if we don’t know what goes behind close doors, I’m sure what ever agreement is on, no-one likes that everyone knows.
What if the wife is the only one not knowing? She’ll feel very bad when she’ll discorver it and when realise that it’s know by most.
I hope that one good friend close or not will just mention once that there is some rumours about her husband, but don’t really trust them, so if she has doubts she’ll check of if she knows and accecpt it, then all ok.
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