May 20, 2008 at 1:46 pm #2612JedtKeymaster
I’m writing a piece for a local paper’s parenting section about the gap between first and second children.
seems to be getting shorter and shorter all the time. phil and ted double buggies seem to be everywhere I look.
just wondering why the gap getting shorter? is it because we are waiting until we are older to get pregnant? is it because we want it all over and done with as quickly as possible? is it because pregnancy, birth and new babies are so wonderful that we simply cannot wait to do it again?
would love to hear your thoughts and comments. if anyone wants to share their experience of having two babies very close together, please PM or reply here
SiobhanMay 20, 2008 at 3:23 pm #61834Taylor5Member
I would have loved kids close together but it wasnt ment to be, would have loved Irish twins.
I think alot of mums are leaving it soooo late to have the first they really have to get the finger out on making babs number two, maybe they dont expect to get pregnant so soon, then bam!May 20, 2008 at 4:07 pm #61840scole1Member
i think there’s a mix for age groups having kids, younger mom’s are having gaps and older mom’s in their 30’s are having more and more together….that’s what ive seen but i could be worng…..when you have a child it’s life changing and for some they’ve left the having a baby early in life to have a career and then when the clock starts ticking they try and have as many they can while the health risks aren’t too high…..there’s also now more women leaving later not because they want a career but beacuse they feel they’re not ready to have where some are unfortunately are experiencing complications in getting pregnant…..
i know for me when i had my son 5weeks before my 25th birthday that i wasn’t too sure if i was ready but there was something there that told me i was…..i had a great labour but aftermath a recovery was a long recovery, i had felt at 6 months maybe we’ll go again and get the whole feeling like crap thing over and done with in one swoop, but then my senses took over and realised that i physically and mentally not ready to have another so therefore the gap between my ds and his future brother or sister (when the time comes) will be greater……my dh and brother are 17months apart in age and grew close together as kids and even now they’re close, whereas in my case there’s 5 years between me and my eldest brother and me and my youngest brother, a very big age gap, that even to this day my 2 brother’s are world’s apart but still close in some ways…..i look at friends who have kids close together and i wonder how on earth do they do it, having a school going child, a toddler and a small baby, juggling all 3 all with different needs and different development stages, i must say fair play……i know that having kids close together is hard going when they are small, but they learn to grow together look after one another and can become close friends later on in life, that’s not to say that older kids with younger babies don’t become close as there are many families out there that have a large gap between kids and their bond if fantastic but in some cases they lack interest and their connection is not as close…..and in somme cases can cause sibling rivallry (sp) as they were for so long the baby and all of a sudden there’s another one there that’s now the baby……
i wouldlove another child for my son to grow upwith and i’m building up that courage to have another…..i think when it comes to having kids it’s all down to how you feel and how the last birth experience was, as can turn some off for a long while or can make others want more and more……also these days with finance there’s so much emphisis on cost for kids, clothes, nappies, childcare etc that some are checking finances first before making the decision if a child can fit into their plans of life……however i do think that no matter how finanically you’re set up kids are expensive and it doesn’t matter whether you’ve money to burn or enough to survive, and people are still deciding to have kids, it’s difficult at first be we get there, to me seeing what i’ve created with my husband / partner and seeing that baby’s first smile, hearing it’s first word seeing it grow and develop is worth more than any house, car or bank account in the world……
this day in age life is getting shorter with so many people having too much fun…iykwim, so if the oppertunity to have children comes along then there’s always that pressing question to ask, will we or won’t we? one or two? or even more? sure why not what have ya got to loose…..you’ve so much more to gain…..May 20, 2008 at 4:40 pm #61841AnonymousInactive
scole that was lovely, i loved my fist DS i had my second exactly 1 minute later 😆 😆 😆 on the ball or what 😆 😆May 20, 2008 at 5:20 pm #61842AnonymousInactive
In all seriousness though, for me having twins making the decision for another child is much harder. I always said if i coped with twins once i could cope again, reality though i dont know.
For me to have another child i think is unfair for my ds’s. They have never got the full attention that a first child usually gets nor will the ever. To bring another child into the house will give them less time. Anyone who has a couple of kids i’m sure you know what i mean, The second or third child never gets the 100% attention that the first child did.
I’m not saying i dont get broody and i loved being pregnant but having just got life sorted, kids starting school in september, have a great job 5 mins from home, and eventually got a babysitter, its time to move on and accept our decision. Having had a pregnancy scare a few months back, and my reaction to it, it confirmed to me that i didnt want another child.
Anyone making the decision its really hard, and i suppose i am lucky that i got 2 for the price of 1 😛 Plus i have given everything away accept the cots/kids and stretch marks 😆 😆May 20, 2008 at 8:06 pm #61851joey_ruddMember
All through my life i’ve always known what i wanted to be that was be a mother, i’ve always wanted 3 children, but never thought it would happen so close together
when i look back at my childhood with my 2 sisters there’s a yr and 5 days between me and my youngest sister and a year, 1 month and 10 days between my older sister and growing up with two best friends in your house was great if no one else would play with me there was always my sisters
i had a miscarriage 6 yrs ago and that hit me hard, it made me want to keep trying for my family straight away but it took a long time for my children to come along, but then aren’t the best things worth the wait!
now it seems like i sneeze and end up pregnant 😆
Hopefully now thats it my familyis complete my 2 beautiful little girls and my big blue eyed boy
I couldn’t handle another one, even though i love my children more than i’d ever thought i could, i had pnd on each one, but i didn’t talk about it or tell anyone, i think todays society see’s thing as you have to get on with being a parent and not complain, even though its a harder job but with more rewarding benifts in the long run but you don’t think about that when your so tired after treating a teething baby then having to get up the next morning and change 3 nappies, dress, feed, entertain and medicate 3 children all wanting your attention, not to mention the house work too,then you have friends and family giving out that they don’t see enough of you and the children
becoming a parent is a tough decision but if you feel your ready then nothing should stop you if your able to get pregnant
i love teaching my children to count, to skip, to tumble and its great fun watching them dance along together to music, and the funny things my daughter comes and tells me
i can’t wait to see them grow up and watch what kind of adults they become
no matter what they become i’ll be proud of them as long as it makes them happyMay 21, 2008 at 8:45 am #61872yummymummyMember
Well for me havng a 2nd child close in age to my ds is just not an option and i dont think it ever was. I was 18 giving birth and not to say I wasnt in any mind frame to say hey lets have another one close in age. he is 7 now and i really dont hink i want anymore!
my brothers girlfriend thinks this is terrible cos she is an only child and hated it, but i think if you are surrounded by shildren and people you love, just cos they are not your brother or sister doesnt mean you cant have a close relationship with them.
There is 18 months between me and my brother and we did everything together when we were younger, we are still close to this day, get on great, whereas there is 10 years between me and my next brother ( im older) and we just dont get on! I think its 2 total major generations, he is treated and gets away with alot more than me and my other brother did when we were younger!!!
Plus at 15 his hormones are all over the place and you only have to look at him and he bites your head off 🙂
My mam has a friend whose first 2 children were bron 9 months apart, for about 5 days of the year they are the same age. mad or what!! 🙂May 21, 2008 at 11:20 am #61887SherbertMember
Well i have to say this is a very interesting topic! I am pregnant at the moment with baby number 2. My first is nearly 7 and in fairness has been on my case for a brother or sister for about 2 years. Nevermind the hubby being at me 🙄
I was 22 when i had my little girl, and eventhough i had a great pregnancy i was totally of the opinion that i was NOT having any more! So much so, that i gave everything away i.e. carseat, buggy etc! Now we are starting all over again i have been thinking to myself "i wonder how my daughter will bond with No. 2" I am hoping that she will be fine with it. Im sure she will be as she has been so excited about it, but sometimes i think, damn i shouldnt have left such a big gap because having that playmate is so important i think! My daughteris always saying that she has no one to play with, and all of her cousins have brothers and sisters so it has been awful to see her playing so happily when she is in her cousins houses, and then has to come home and just play on her own. So i have to say, this was a big deciding factor for having another one. I just hope things pan out as hoped! That they bond well!!!May 21, 2008 at 12:00 pm #61890DinomumMember
All of your posts have been great….this is pretty topical also as we are thinking about trying for no. 2, my dd is almost 5 and while part of me feels that it would be easier to have had 2 close together I feel that I would have missed out in being able to give 100% attention to her. On the flip sode however, having got her to school going age, it is a bit freaky thinking about going back to square one again!! There is 8 years between myself and my brother and while there were no probs with us bonding (what 8 yr old girl doesnt love babies?!!) I found that when I was in my teens it was harder. I have to say though that now, while we dont live in each others pockets, we are really close and both of us are there for each other when we need it.
Well good luck to us all !!! 😀May 21, 2008 at 12:08 pm #61891SherbertMember
Dinomum, that has just made me feel a lot more at ease! Thanks for that!!! 🙂May 21, 2008 at 12:18 pm #61893DinomumMember
Glad of that Sherbert….your post really struck a cord with me esp the bit about your dd not having anyone to play with, I am v conscious of that too, esp as my cousin who is same as me has 2 close in age and all of my dd’s mates in school and creche have sisters or brothers to . I’m getting the family and dp pressure at the moment too….no escape eh ? !! 🙄May 21, 2008 at 12:43 pm #61895rossylisaMember
id love to have another one now, 😀 like yummy i was young having dd so having another was totally out of the question for a long time. but now that im married and have my own home id love another. DD is 7 now and loves the idea of having a lil sis or bro but she has no time for my younger nieces and nephew who are all babyies …she gets very jealous when she sees me with the babies, so i think maybe i have left it to long to have another one for her sake cos she has got me and dhs atteniton 100% ifykwim but im from a big family 4 bros and 2 sis and we are all very close to each other even though there is a few yrs between all of us my younger sis would be 10 yrs younger than me and my brother 8yrs youner than me and i have always got on great with themMay 21, 2008 at 8:17 pm #61914MoonflowerMember
great to read…..very interesting….
As has already been mentioned, some people dont always have a choice,and even though they would love children close together,mother nature has other ideas………also other end of scale….not everyone plans to have children so close together.many close sibling are "happy accidents"
My Ds will be at least 3 if we did have another baby & I am happy with that age gap now even though it is not through choice,many say that is a good age gap….but we shall see he may be even older than that but I am sure he will still have a close bond with his sibling.In fact he will have a twin if we do, he has 5 frozen IVf brothers & sisters waiting to be given chance of life….and scientifically they are his twin siblings,all from same batch of eggs!!
🙂May 21, 2008 at 9:52 pm #61919Taylor5Member
My mum had 6 kids in 8 years and some of us are close and others arent, its just like workmates or neighbours, sometimes you just dont get on and thats is that.
My sister only has 1 child and after her dd hit 7 or 8 she felt the gap was too big, my niece was fine being an only child up untill now, she has just turned 18 and would often tell us how lonely it is being an only child. She has a cousin and he is 6 months older then her and they are more like brother and sister now as they only have each other.
I would have loved to have had a baby closer to ds but as moonflower said mothernature can be very cruel.May 22, 2008 at 8:35 am #61928MaryEMember
I have a nearly 9 month old ds & really wanted to be expecting again straight after but hasn’t happened as yet.
There are two reason for this, first being it took my so long to conceive first time (4 years), that i don’t want to have to go through that agony again & thought that i would be super fertile after having ds (well, so everyone kept telling me)that i should use the opportunity to get pregnant again quickly & not waste time.
The second reason is that my mam had 4 children under 5 & it was great for us as children, we always had each other to play with it & are still very close & great friends to this day. I wouldn’t like my ds to be an only child as i think it would be lonely & hard on him. Although form my point of view, i am enjoying giving him all my attention & not having to worry about being pc, like you would have to if you had anymore.
Although this issue doesn’t apply to me just yet, I would say more mothers are older these days, so they probably don’t have the time to be giving a few years between children’s – so in most cases i would say that is the reason for the rush & the closeness of babies.
You are right about the double buggy explosion; i am shocked by how many of them there are around Drogheda. Phil & Teds must be making a fortune.
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