feeling overwhelmed

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  • #12281
    santababy
    Member

    Im in the early stages of my 3rd pregnancy (14 weeks), im finding it very tough this time, im feelin a bit lost and worried, my two kids fight all the time, my husband is self employed and works all the hours of the day, when he is home he is doing paperwork, i know this has to be done to keep us afloat but i cant help but feel lonely, my kids pretty much take up my whole day and i dont seem toget much time for myself. jobs at home such as diy and painting and gardening are left to me, which is hard to fit in, my son also has kidney problems and wets his bed everynite which creates a lot of extra washing. When i get down my husband says im dragging him down, but sometimes i just dont have the energy to perk up. I just hope that i am able to cope when my next baby arrives, i just had to get this off my chest as today has been one of those days.

    #114396
    Moonflower
    Member

    Hi Santababy,

    sorry to read to are feeling low & overwhelmed at moment…it must be really tough with 2 little ones, a busy hubby & being pregnant all at same time…

    first of all i wouldnt worry about the diy jobs & even gardening..they can all wait until you have a bit more energy in middle months of pregnancy..i was feeling much the same at yr stage & had to just let the jobs that were not necessities pile up.

    hubbies all tend to be like that, thats men for u, when they are down we all have to suffer with their moods but when we feel down they say we drag them down…think at times they expect us to be wonderwoman 🙂

    why not just try & do what you can during day..& dont beat yrself up over what you cant do at moment…

    i try & make time for an 30 min bath in evening now…& just relax…& spend time enjoying being just me & baby growing inside me..it may only be 30 mins but its a good way to give yrself that little bit of me time..

    hope you feel a bit better tomorrow….sometimes getting it off yr chest & writing down how u feel helps so much..

    take care & remember how you are feeling now will pass…

    hugs Moonflower

    #114397
    beams
    Member

    Hi Santababy,
    I agree with Moonflower – try to slow down a bit – jobs like diy , gardening etc. arent priority – YOU ARE – and in most cases nobody else notices diy or gardening jobs that need doing so dont be putting extra stress on yourself – plus you have the best excuse in the world for not doing any of those extra jobs – you’re pregnant !! Try to take time out for a coffee for yourself, put the kids in the sittingroom with a dvd they will watch, you go into the bedroom, sit down and put your feet up for an hour reading a mag or whatever helps you unwind. As Moonflower says, men will be men – most of them are a different breed – dont get upset over that. When you feel down give him the child monitor and tell him your heading to bed at 8.30pm or whatever and read a book and relax ……….you will be fine , take care xx

    #114400
    pookie2
    Member

    Ya poor pet. I get it – really. Have three small kids, including baby. Hubby working away overseas a lot. Lonely, feel everything from diy to gardening to shopping left to me. And if I try to voice my feelings I’m being demanding…. Jaysus, men sometimes need a wee jolt of reality.

    So, here are a few tips from my survival guide:

    1. Not sure what age child is who wets bed. My guy is the same (4). At this particular time (you pregnant etc), get pyjama pants. They do them up to the age of 13. His self-esteem etc will survive. You need sleep & a lighter workload. Also prepare for wet accidents – dress the bed as follows: waterproof layer, sheet, waterproof layer, sheet, waterproof layer, sheet. At least then, if there is an accident in the middle of the night, you only need to strip the bed, as it will be already dressed.

    2. Get rid of your kids for at least an hour – if possible every day. They will not hate you forever – especially if you are in a better mood after it. There are plenty of relatives / friends / neighbours or capable teenagers who would be delighted to do so for a wee bit of pocket money – or maybe even forfree.

    3. Hubby does the heavy work when he’s in the building ie lifting kids in & out of bath etc. If he is reluctant, give him a choice: that or cook the dinner & wash up after it.

    4. Do the bare minimum. Do they really NEED to be bathed every day? Do they really NEED a new outfit every day? Do all those towels NEED to be washed & dried so often? Tellhubby you are economising / saving the planet.

    5. Do things on the double. Cook two days dinner at a time and reheat (in microwave) on day two (or freeze for later). Shop for two weeks at a go (except perishables)

    6. Share the load: unless your kids are teeny-weeny, they can help you, especially if they feel it is REALLY helping you. My 2 & 4 year olds are experts at laundry. They can put things from laundry basket into the washing machine, put in detergent, set it & put it on; from there they can put it into the tumble drier or basket; if outside they hand me each item of clothes to hang up. And together they can empty the water out of the condenser drier into the bath. I told them I could hardly bend because of the baby in my tummy & the LOVED being my helpers. Same goes with tidying up toys etc, bringing plates etc to the sink or dishwasher. If your kids are older, they should be making their own luches, doing their own ironing etc. Give them a taste of responsibility.

    7. And if he won’t listen & give you sympathy, post here. We will!

    #114416
    miffym
    Member

    hope your feeling a bit better. two of my children were bed weters. i got medication from the doctor. It worked with both children in the long term. the dry nites were a god send. your right to get things off your chest, plenty of people hear to listen 🙂

    #114418
    munchin
    Participant

    you know the girls give lots of great advise.
    Hope you’re feeling a wee bit better and try to make even 30mins a day about you. Sunday am here and dh lying on which is fine but believe me when he gets up i’ll be jumping back into bed even if it’s just to read my book for half an hour!
    i think for the most part what you’re feeling is totally normal and off course the auld pegnancy hormones don’t help, as the girls say don’t do what doesn’t really need doing and play clever as in double dinners etc
    Good luck with erst of pregnancy Enjoy!

    #114426
    Jedt
    Member

    Hi santababy,

    I think pregnancy is a worrying time for anyone but you have the added stresses of kids at home and a busy husband on top of the thoughts of getting ready for a new baby. It is natural to feel anxious and as for the gardening and diy, I am the very same, it drives me mad that I want to do so many things but have not got the energy to get it all done and despite my nagging hubby to do it, he cannot do it all either. There aren’t enough hours in the day!

    My husband and I both work from home and have 3 children (thankfully they go to school & playschool) but now that the summer is here, I reckon the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy will be hectic. I want to do so many things to get ready for baby but we are mad busy with work and the kids will be here all the time, so now sure how its all going to get done.

    But you know what I’ve realised – it does not really matter.

    A few weeks ago I had a little bit of bleeding and since then, everything else went out the window. My midwife ordered me to stay home and rest as much as possible for two weeks. I sat, slept, read, rested, had numerous cups of tea, watched numerous DVD’s and asked family & friends to help with the kids – and they were all happy to help.

    When faced with the possibility of anything going wrong with our baby, everything else seemed so insignificant so I did what I was told and was able to get lots of help & support when we needed it

    Try not to worry too much about all the niggly things that are annoying you – I know how much you have the urge to tidy up and get the house/garden in good shape but you have to cut back. You are growing a little person in there so you need to take care of yourself and let others help you..

    You also need to rest – get some early nights, take some long baths and try to get some time to yourself each day. In the evening I often go for a walk on my own. Its keeps me feeling good and gives me time to get some peace away from the kids & hubby. Half an hour is not too much to ask so talk to your hubby about you needing this little bit of time every day.

    Chin up – your energy levels should start to come back up soon and you hopefully you will feel better. 😉

    #114444
    santababy
    Member

    Thanks everyone, i cant tell you all how much sitting reading this has helped me, i am new to mumstown and i just think its fab.
    Im going to try my hardest to relax, i should be takin it easy as i had some bleeding 3 weeks ago, had a scan and all is well, havta go on wed mornin for another one.
    I think the pregnancy is makin things seem harder now as i get tired quite easy, i am a get up and go sorta person and i like things kept right, but im just gonna have to relax.
    The problems with my sons bedwettin have been goin on years, hes 9, we’ve had laods of tests done but nothing is medically wrong with him. He wears the pyjama pants to bed but most nites he wets right through them, ive cut out drinkin in the evening but it makes no difference, he has had medication and the pad and bell but none worked, im just hoping in time it will stop.
    Life with kids is not easy, they test your patience to the last and at the minute i dont always have the energy for them. It makes me feel better to know that i have lovely people like you guys to talk to. 😀

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