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Sos in advance for the long rant but Im at my wits end and I dont know what to do. I am a sahm to 2kids.
DS(5) and DD(3). I am off work with depression for the past few months. My ds has adhd and odd and attends a special needs school whilst dd is at home with me.
I dont know how to cope with ds anymore. He is so difficult he goes again the grain all the time. He whinges incessently from morning till nite. He is constantly getting into things he should not be finds trouble with everyday situations for example if I leave him alone in the kitchen he will be opening the fridge, presses, climbing this is everyday and everytime. We have the back yard fenced off and its quite big but I cannot take my eyes off him for a second as he is always trying to get out of the yard and will use any means possible. If its a bad day and I keep the doors locked to keep him in he has on several occasions gotton out the bedroom window on me. These are just a few examples of how he tests the boundries.
I have tried every form of disipline, nothing works he will go straight back and do the same thing again.
He is on melatonin for sleep which knocks him out in the evenings but he still wakes anything from 6-8 times a night.
We had his bloods done about 2months ago to see if he will suit to be put on Ritalin during the day still waiting on results from same.
He winds me up so much and he knows it and smirks at me when I try to disipline him. He sometimes lashs out violently at my dd for the slightest reason and that worries me.
I am at the stage where I feel I dont like him anymore and it kills me. My dh is trying his best to help me but he works full time and I hate worrying him, but the fact is he is worried about me.
All my life all I have ever wanted is to be a mother I thought I could be really good at it but I feel like such a failure! Every little thing ds does bugs me I am constantly loosing my temper and screaming at him (totally wrong I know)
There is no support out there. He attends enable Ireland for speech and language therapy and I have seen the psychologist in there but he only talks to me and makes suggestions on what I could do nothing works!
None of my family offer to help us out in anyway with him as he is so difficult.
Surely its not normal for a mother to feel this way about their child. I feel so alone.
Sorry if its a bit all over the place I just had to get it out….Hi
Its time to stand up and get support – you are your sons advocate.
Speak to enable Ireland Team get a Personal assitant to take a couple of hours a day / week, he needs time away and so do you …
If enable Ireland are not supporting you – talk to children services in Louth / Meath Disability Services – Louth 042 9381400 / not sure of Meaths but can get it if needed..
How about sending your son on respite – a night away / weekend away build it up to a week.. Please don’t feel bad about sending him, its good for all concerned.I work in this area for the last 20 yrs or more – postive reinforcement is the way to go… i am sure you are fed up listening to this…
Bad Behaviours are his only way of communicating to you.. They are very clever children, i am sure he is reading your signs and knows when to push you.
You are doing really well if you can identify that there is something wrong.. I wish i could give you more advice… Don’t forget to look after number one too
Are you a member of any of the support groups get involved..
Have you tried Rehab’s services? They have a childrens respite home in Meath that takes in adhd children. http://www.rehab.ie
Hope you get the support you need soon.
I know how you feel. We all don’t want our kids to be in this kind of situation. Knowledge and understanding of the situation you face helps to better cope and relate to your child. There are many excellent books and support groups are available for parents of children with ODD/ADHD. Explore and read among it. It might help you understand your child’s situation. Furthermore, you could consider sending your child to an ADHD schools or programs fro troubled kids. There, they will be provided the right approach and environment conducive for their situation and learning.
Hi Joelou,
First off, well done on typing all that out, it cannot have been easy for you, it was a brave thing to do. have a lump in my throat reading it.
What stands out to me is how hard you are being on yourself – you are NOT a failure as a mother. It is clear you love your children very much and want whats best for them. You are a mum in a very very difficult position, with not enough support, it is only natural you are feeling frazzled. You need help and support and there is no shame in asking for it. We all need a break away from our children sometimes, it is good for us to recharge our batteries and good for them to have us gone for a bit so they can appreciate us when we come back.
Have you told your family how you are feeling? Do they understand how much you need their help and support right now. Maybe you should explain to them how you are feeling again. Depression is a serious condition and not one to be underestimated, if they understand that you are at your wits end, perhaps they would be more willing to help out?
Best of luck with rehab.ie and enable Ireland; hope you have some luck getting more support from them – please keep us posted on how you get on.
There are lots of mums on here who know how you feel and you can come on to Mumstown and get things off your chest anytime – there is lots of support for you here so you can use this as a sounding board anytime. Maybe that will help a little bit.
take care and hope things start to look up soon. xx
Hi there, Im afraid I dont have any useful advice at all for you. I had a lump in my throat too when I read your post. You poor thing. I really hope you get the support you so desparately need xx
You should try to consider boarding schools for adhd. The support system that ADHD & ADD boarding schools for teenagers provide don’t just help the students but also the parents. With consistent communication, progress reports, updates and the likes, the academic approach aims to help you foster a stronger and more positive bond with your teen. This way, you can feel more equipped to help with your teen’s development.
are there boarding schools for children/teens with ADHD? I’m not sure I understand how that could help? if they are at school and have activities but then get to come home in the evenings is that not better?
hi joelou
I feel for you pet. our dd has aspergers, adhd, ODD and dyspraxia.
It is absolute a nightmare. dd can ge great some days and others are just horrendous.You should ask your local Enable Ireland to help you out and there is courses they can send you on to help parents deal with children with these needs.
I dont get any support , home help from anyone.. you have to fight like tooth and nail for it. 🙁
Try not to be hard on yourself , I know I do it to myself as I am a sahm with depression , my hubby goes to work and comes home , after i have had a day from hell and I can be so angry with him when he gets home.
pm me any time.
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