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Our 5 year old is in the living room telling her 7 year old sister that her Grandad is still alive in her heart – ah bless!
Feel like I’ve been hit by a bus today. When I got up this morning was aching all over. Think its catching up on us now. Last week was so busy organising the funeral and saying our goodbyes but this week, with all that over and going back toschool/work etc its sinking in.
Very hard to take it – was so unexpected. feeling very weepy today. But guess we are going to have days like that. Part of grieving. 😥
Get big bar of dark choc (releases feel good chemicals in body) & snuggle up to hubby on sofa when kids in bed. Then nibble away (choc that is, not hubby!?) Hot shower & electric blanket on the bed & early night. Body & mind need tlc. Time to be extra kind to yourself & himself….
it is the reality when things calm down that’s hard alright – thinking of you all – pookie’s right bout the dark choc 😉 no doubt you guys will look after each other – take things day by day xo
Get big bar of dark choc (releases feel good chemicals in body) & snuggle up to hubby on sofa when kids in bed. Then nibble away (choc that is, not hubby!?) Hot shower & electric blanket on the bed & early night. Body & mind need tlc. Time to be extra kind to yourself & himself….
knowing that Sabbi one she will be having a nibble at the hubby 😆 😆 😆
I forgot to say, we got the kids to plant litle miniture rose bushes, one on the grave, one in each of their gardens and another in my mothers. We told them if they ever felt alone or wanted to talk to grandad, they could just go to the rose bush and have a chat. I think Aldi have them at the minute for about 3e
Ha ha Taylor, trust you to be the filthy minded one (but in fairness lots of cuddles and kisses are actually helping us at the moment!)
And the batch of Lemingtons that chewie sent over were like getting a spoonful of medicine. They are so delicious and you could just tell, lots of love went into baking them.
Yep, think a bit of nibbling later on hubby later on could be just what the doctor ordered!! Early night, DVD in bed and a bit of a smooch will be nice.
Thanks girls, you are a great bunch. Susan said we should take some time off and if we don’t feel up to it, we should skip the coffee morning next week but you know what, I am actually looking forward to going and seeing some of you and will be very willing to accept hugs from anyone who is offering.
Its a long road and its very tough.
My husband is doing ok, most days he is getting on fine but he has his days when he finds it very hard, which is to be expected.
Our children have been very affected by the loss of their Grandad. Our 8 year old has been especially upset and is very sad, she told her teacher last week she had a pain in her heart – which resulted in a phonecall to us to say she had a pain in her chest from a worried teacher – so we had to explain it was sadness, not pain that was bothering her!!
We have their Grandad in an urn here and they all talk to him and they have taught the baby to wave at the urn too. She has no idea what she is doing but it helps that they feel close to him by having him here.
Its been 2 months but still feels like a very sharp loss for us all.
Trying to be as supportive to my husband and children as possible and hoping that the saying ‘Time is a great healer’. 🙁
Sabbi
Time is a great Healer – Hang in there, We just had the 1st Anniversay of my brothers sudden death the 8th of April..We just learn to accept it, we talk very openly about it all the time. Even today i noticed on my sons laptop a folder of pictures of his Uncle, he looks at regularly..
Is there a rainbow group set up in yours daughters school that will give some support to her , i know my brothers daughter and stepson got great support
Keep talking about it
Men find it diffcult to cope with, some feel harder to talk about it or show their emotions at times
Spend time the two of u and talk openly about it…Thinking of you all xxxx
Thought I would bump this up again for Joey – might be some helpful tips on here. This is from when my FIL passed away last year.
HTH a little.
Hi Sabbi,
It’s some time since you had to deal with this difficult issue, but it provoked me to thinking and writing about the situation you were.
I think your instincts were incredibly apt – you wanted to communicate something to your children to prepare them for the loss that was coming but didn’t want to say so much that they found it unbearable. In the questions you posed you hit on something very important – should your children see how upset youwere at the time?
Choosing the ‘right’ formulation of words is difficult- is there a way of speaking about death that doesn’t unsettle everyone? Children cannot understand the enormity or finality of death because a) no one can, and b) death is something we each of us have to encounter and come to terms with over a liftime. In these instances, we tell children as much as they need to know, but I suggest that we also show them something of the pain that we feel because it is difficult to comprehend and because it is unsettling. In the long-term, teaching children by example that expressing our difficult emotions with those closest to us is a strength and not a weakness is a huge lesson – and your children are some of the people closest to you. You’re also giving them the chance to develop compassion for you and learn that they can help others through difficult times.
What children often find most disturbing about death is the lack of speech about it and feeling as though they cannot ask the questions that it provokes for them. Left without an opportunity to voice their questions and concerns they may multiply and intensify. The Austrian child psychoanalyst Melanie Klein felt that fairy tales and boogey monsters give young children a way to ground the free floating anxiety they feel, just from being little humans trying to make their way in the world. Letting children know that they can speak about death, and being open about your own difficulty with it’s meaning, can be enough for them.
And many children won’t ask further questions once death is discussed with them. As your own child said goodbye to her grandfather, and another wanted a black veil, I suggest they found a way to deal with death just enough for them to acknowledge it without being overloaded. Both observed something of the social bond between all of us – saying good bye and wearing certain clothes at certain times to express what cannot be put into words – that suggests they are already learning ways of coping with distress that unites them with others.
Best wishes,
Joe.
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