Anonymous request for help from a very worried mum

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    We were contacted by a mum today, who wishes to remain anonymous, asking for advice.

    Here is her problem:

    "My 9 yr old daughter is most of the time a very happy little girl but lately she cries a lot for no apparent reason. When I ask her what’s wrong, she tells me she doesn’t feel well. I do realize she is of that age with hormones and puberty, I’ve spoke to her about this and explained it all, I also spoke to her school about it thinking there might be something going on but she’s a very good and happy girl at school. We do have regular talks and mother/daughter days. It makes me very sad to see my little girl so sad. Any advice would be greatly appreciated."

    Anyone got any suggestions for her?


    It sounds like something has upset her. Can you ask her if there is anyone in school annoying her or has anything happened at all there or on her way home that is upsetting her?

    does she get a school bus? sometimes these can be disruptive and things can happen that are upsetting for some of the children. My daughter has often come home upset about something someone said to her on the bus because it is a largely unsupervised place. 2 girls called my daughter fat on the bus last year (she is not but was still very upset about it) and it took her a while to tell us it had happened.

    If it goes on, I would take her to doctor to have her checked for hormonal imbalance if you cannot find any other reason for her being upset.

    Hope it settles down soon, I am sure you are at your wits end.

    Joe Cleary

    Hi everyone,

    To this anonymous poster I would straight away recommend that her daughter might benefit from speaking with a child psychotherapist. If there is something that she is keeping back from telling her Mum she may feel able to speak about it with a trained professional and if it’s something more complicated that she’s not even fully aware of herself she may benefit from exploring it with a psychotherapist.

    I think many parents might be wary in such an instance of stigmatising their child by accessing mental health treatment, but I would argue that it’s a great life lesson to accept help from others at times when we are finding it difficult to cope. Just as they would go to their G.P. for a chest infection that isn’t going to clear up on its own, why not seek help when something non-physical is causing distress? Learning how to identify and speak about emotions and difficulties at such a young age can be a lesson that a child builds upon and strengthens for the rest of their life.

    Accessing such help can depend upon where you are in the country, but you can look for a practitioner at [url][/url] and if you wish you can contact me – in absolute confidence – via private message and I can try and help you directly with finding someone.

    Best wishes,

    CA Coaching

    This can be such an upsetting time for a parent, especially when there is not anything obviously causing your child’s upset. I definitely think a trip to the GP is in order. It is possible that your daughter may be experiencing Precocious Puberty (early onset of puberty), which not only has physical implications but also emotional also.

    With most young people that I work with, identifying issues can be a real struggle. This can also be true for parents. Obviously you want to help your child in whatever way you can, but sometimes working with someone outside of the family unit can help your child to become clearer in how they think and feel.

    You also want to strike a balance between trying to get to the root of a possible problem, and not creating one that isn’t there. So a visit to the GP might be just what you guys need.



    hi there I’m a mother of a 9yr old girl and she has been crying occasional for either no apparent reason or for something that usually wouldn’t bother her. I personally think it was a mixture of tiredness and they were on holidays and all new dynamics of new friends etc…. and I think it just got to her – her moods however – dear god help us when she’s a full blown teenager.
    I spoke to 2 of her class mates mums and they said their girls where the same and their both a few months younger…my friends daughter too. NOW it was only occasionally and I think the moods are partly her strong personality too and learning to deal with it.

    Having said that you say your daughter cries "a lot" – and then fobs you off as such with her replies…….I always say if in doubt check it out – you’ve talked to the school etc so maybe a trip to the GP is in order – explain to your daughter why you’re bringing her and reassure her that there is nothing she can’t tell you OR the gp for that matter.
    Really hope She settles for you or opens up – you know what it could be something really simple to fix that just seems huge to her. Keep us posted


    this sounds like it could be something serious, i would seek help from a gp or someone professional. better to be safe than sorry and maybe there is something she has to tell but she feels she cannot tell her mother

    the physoanalyst and coach are giving very good advice. id take her to someone for a chat just incase

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