Anniversary of miscarriage

[Jedt]

Thanks for all the lovely messages and support.

I am glad that this is a topic which can actually be discussed openly as sometimes there is still a taboo around it.

While I am blessed with 3 children now and love them all to bits I still sometimes wonder what would have happened if my little baby made it.

My life would be totally different today. I would not have written a book about miscarriage. I would not be a full time writer. Losing the baby took my life in a direction I never thought it would go and I have the baby to thank for that.

I try to take the positives out waht happened and it gives me some comfort to know that my baby’s short little life was not in vain.

We all grieve and cope differently but the main thing is to ask for help and support when you need it. I was having a very sad day when I posted this and the replies cheered me up enormously.

So thanks for that and all the lovely messages since,

Siobhan. x

[Lo]

Siobhan,
You are an inspiration.
Well done!
Hugs,
Lo x

[Taylor5]

Sabbi I just want to thank you for being so brave posting and writing your book, its still soooo taboo in Ireland, what is it with people that they cant talk about mc or still births?
Hope your feeling better, we all haveour off days.
The baby I lost in September 07 should have been 1 on Saturday (25th of April was due date) I know Im blessed to have my darling son Max who is 6months old tomorrow, but I cant help thinking and wondering was it a boy or a girl, if a girl would she have little summer dresses on etc… my neighbours baby girl is almost 1 and I cant even look at this child or speak to her. When I see her in her mammys arms I just ignore her 😳 😳 😳
I feel I got to grieve but there must be something deep down that comes to the surface when I see this child, I dont know if its bitterness….. is this normal?
I planted a lovely bush in the garden last year and the little fecker of the dog ate it TODAY, she got a good kick 😈 talk about bad timing 😥 😥 😥

[Jedt]

Taylor – you just made me laugh and cry simultaneously! As long we can talk about these things and be supportive to each other, then that’s what counts. That’s why I love this site – there is lots of support and positivity whereas on some other parenting websites it’s not quite so nice.

There is such a community feel on here, I guess that’s why I posted it in the first place, I kind of knew I would get nice messages back and that’s what I needed that particular day.

Hope you get through Saturday ok, I’ll light a candle for your little one next time I’m at church….

Siobhan.

[Lo]

Oh Taylor,

I have tears falling down my face here, after reading your post!
My miscarriage was on 25.04.2005 – so not only will I be thinking of me and my baby on Saturday, I will also think of you and your angel, and light a candle!

It is still so raw for you – and it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do – in fact – I admire your honesty – we need more of it – as Miscarriage is still such a taboo topic – with many people having this illusion that "it wasnt even a baby" or " arent you lucky you have other kids, get over it" these kind of comments still drive me potty!

I would have been due my baby in december of 2005, my friend had a little girl in that same december, – i couldnt look at her for a long time, I was jealous, I was heart broken, Devastated, Bitter, sad, thankfully my friend understood, but it was awful on her, as I am sure she felt she couldnt brag about her gorgeous little bundle when I was around!
Her daughter is now 3 years and 4 months – and my own daughter is 2 years and 9 months – so you can see I fell pregnant soon after my miscarriage, Recently I spent the day and night down in my friends house, and both our girls played together,and STILL I couldnt help but feel sad when I seen them play, thinking that it could have been another child there in my daughters place

These feelings will never go away – the pain eventually dims – but there will always be a little ache there

For me, I hate 25th april, brings back so many awful memories

Remember, it is good to talk, cry, scream, shout etc.
Its bad to keep it all on and act as though it never happened (just like some people would like us to act)

Go give your little man a big hug, and do something special on saturday if you feel up to it

You will be in my thoughts!

Lo x

[Jedt]

Girls,

Just want to add that the miscarriage association of Ireland so marvellous work and their website is really great. You can go on there and post a message in memory of your little baby – you can do it anonymously if you wish.

They also organised a special place in Glasnevin Cemetary where parents can go to grieve for their lost babies, as many of us do not have a grave to actually visit.

I planted a tree in memory of my baby and it is in full bloom at the moment in my back graden so when I am at the kitchen sink (which is alot of the time!!) I can see it and it’s a nice reminder of our little one.

For those who cannot go on to have more babies, my heart breaks for you. While a lost child can never be replaced or forgotten, having another child does help heal some of the wounds.

I am close with some couples who have adopted and some others who are in the process of adopting babies and while this is not the solution for everyone, it is one way to bring happiness to both the lives of the parents and the child they bring home.

The Miscarriage Association website is http://www.miscarriage.ie and if anyone wants information on adoption, I have done some research so you can PM me and I will pass on some details that might be helpful.

Most sincerely,
Siobhan.

[Taylor5]

Thank you girls for you kind post, Lo I will be thinking of you on Saturday, I loved your post as you wrote everything I was feeling in the months afterwards, great to know Im not alone and its normal to go through all these emotions.
Kinda forgot about Saturday my 3.5 year old is vomiting rings round himself with a raging temp, then the baby projectie vomited (never done this before) he had a slight temp…… Changed my bed 3 times already!!!! Fed up washing and the drying going non stop, so motherhood is a great distraction 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 Dog hasnt got any kicks today, thats because she hasnt had a look in 😳 😳 😳

Lo I tried to convince myself at that it wasnt a baby and I felt it was my way to cope, but all I was doing was surpressing my feelings…. that christmas I felt dh was no support and I just had a melt down, it was the best thing to happen to me as I shouted, screamed, cried…. you name it I idid it, but I have to say I felt like a new woman afterwards…. for the better that is

This site is a great support and no matter how down your feeling you always get a boost from the girls on here, what did we do before mumstown?

[Author]

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