July 9, 2008 at 3:03 pm #2819sadmum2Member
just found out my husband has had a few flings with at least 3 other people over the years I feel so empty inside now, so betrayed,i can really feel pain.The worse thing was that in this email he was almost laughing at me with one of the women he was with,no remorse no guilt just laughing at me when I was at home. I thought we were so strong.I feel so empty and betrayed if I mention it our marriage is over,i cant afford to pay for the house, I dont know how he could do this to me it wasnt a one off I thought we were so in love. I dont know if I can forgive the mocking and almost pride he felt in the email, fun he called it.I now wonder what else went on and how do I carry on as normal.
what should i do?July 9, 2008 at 3:23 pm #63890GigglepopsMember
God thats awfull you poor thing 😥 I am assuming that you stumbled across this email and as such he will never have expected you to see it .. not that I am sticking up for him but I think we have all said hurtful things before thinking we were safe in the knowledge that the person would never hear about it. I am sure he would never have intentionaly hurt you like that. Well I really hope not.
Take some time to think it through as you are obviously in bits about it right now so it prob wouldnt be the best time to bring it all out. Easier said than done though. I doubt if you can carry on as if you dont know though so I suppose I am saying take the time to get it straight in your mind and ask yourself what is the best possible outcome for you in all of this and aim for that. Take Care.July 9, 2008 at 3:34 pm #63891HappymammyMember
If I was you I would go to a councellor straight away I know an excellent lady who can give you excellent advice and make you stronger in order to help you deal with your husband and what he has done.
It might not be the end of your relationship he has lost his way dont feel like he doesnt love you because of this afterall you read words, he was showing off to whoever he was emailing.
You know him better than anyone. Go with your instinct. I went through this with my ex 8 years ago I still carry the scares every now and then it flashes back. If you build up your inner strenght now before you approach the subject with your hubby then try do that so you dont break down midstream.
Please stay strong. Your an independant women. If he leaves then you have rights and can get help with your mortgage payments etc. You wont be left without a penny. Men are great manipulators and he will know what buttonsto press just be ready for him.
If you would like the name of the lady just pm me. She lives local and will help you straight away. Big hug hun. If you can ring your mam or sis or best friend do so and get their support asap.July 9, 2008 at 5:48 pm #63893Taylor5Member
God you poor girls, I think it would be every womans nightmare. If you had a bad marriage well then you might expect it but as you say you were as happy as larry and there was no reason to suspect him.
I think you should go get help from someone or advice from family, dont worry about pride, you wont be the first woman or the last who has/had a cheating husband.
You choice is do you stay and work at it or do you move on and start a new life, it might not be any better or worse but at least you cant let yourself down or cheat on yourself.
Does you husband want to work at this marriage or does he want his cake and eat it! I think I could forgive my dh if he had one slip (we are only human after all) but I would personally find it very hard to forgive 3 slips, I just wouldnt be able to love or trust him again.
Reading your post reminded me of the Rachel O’Reilly case and how her husband laughted at her in emails and text and she was totally unaware that he marriage was over and was very happy, but he had different plans and look what happened there.
You will ride this storm and be a stronger person for itJuly 9, 2008 at 8:30 pm #63900MoonflowerMember
Oh my god,thats so awful to stumble across something so heart destroying….great advice from Happymammy,dont keep this to yourself please find someone you can talk to in person.
A male friend of mine found an email from his cheating wife & is going through break up now but is seeing a counsellor each week as finding it hard to cope with the cheating……the counsellor is helping him loads…
my first husband cheated on me & left me to be with her….which in itself was hard but at least I could move on….
you need to decide if you would like to give your marraige a chance and try & work through this but you have to let your husband know that you know….you really wont be able to carry on pretending all is okay,it wil eat away at you inside…………
Thinking of you, be strong ……..
Moonflower xxxJuly 10, 2008 at 8:27 am #63907sadmum2Member
thanks for your comments and concern and support..I still have not decided on what course of action to take but as I suspected the pain is not going away after the initial shock.I think Im too shocked and hurt to describe myself as heartbroken, the mockery and description of the flings as ‘happy memories’, the pride in getting away with it all is like a knife twisting in me.I never even suspected it, the closeness they seemed to have in their email is terribly upsetting.I’m supposed to be the one person he loves and trusts more then anything in the world.Its a terrible terrible shock to realise that I am not and never have been something he even respects completely.thank you all again.July 10, 2008 at 9:06 am #63908HappymammyMember
Please take my advice and build up that inner strenght straight away or he is going to walk all over you hun. When you feel stronger you will be able to take whatever he has to say. At the moment you are hurt and feel confused and terribly upset. You dont deserve that your a good wife and a good person.
It is going to take a lot of time. Chin up and dont let him away with anything. Get strong for you and your chidren (I cant remember if you said you had kids) now this minute and try focus on doing one thing at a time. Deal with your mind first and then the rest will seem a lot more easier to cope with. Did you tell any of your friends or family?July 10, 2008 at 12:49 pm #63915MNGMember
i hope you stop crying its bad for your eyes and health .
make sure you still take your meals as usual.
Save your tears for people that really Cares and Loves You.
Stop crying for such heartless man hes not worth for your tears!!!
Be strong for yrself.
we can only give you our advice but best is to see a consellor they are the professional to give you proper guidance to get out of this mess.
Time will heal the Pain.
And then you will realise you are happier without him.
Hes not the only male in this whole world.
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