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hi, my dd will be 3 in June, and she is a very quiet girl, and i sent her to preschool 2 mornings a week in jan, she settled in so well that we changed her to 3mornings as she was missing out on the painting and was so disappointed. anyway they had a midterm in Feb and since then she cried, and has been so scared of everyone. now they are off for Easter and she was just settling into school again, the girl who runs it says that she is always quiet, but that she doesn’t go over to people herself unless she is asked, but she doesn’t force her to do anything as she is quiet young, there are other there 4plus but makes sure she always is with someone. But i don’t know if its in connection with school or not but was at home with my parents over easter, and if anyone came into the house she cried and screamed and kept saying she was afraid. She is now the same at home, if we go to strange shops she is the same. To be honest its worrying, frustraing and embarrassing. Everyone stares at you like you have a physo child or spoilt brat, but she is shaking with fear. She is fine at home, but if a noisy car or something passes she freaks out too
I am at the end of my tether as don’t know what to do what am i doing wrong? 
am i such a bad mum that she is scared all the time. The girl in the playschool is v good to her said nothing happened there, said she prefers when they are all settled down on the seats doing something, that the noise at the start freaks her a bit but that she was getting great and not scared at all. I only went down to look at the school, and she wanted to stay so then i said i would try her in it. She would really only be used to me as i mind her and my family are in Galway, and my inlaws never help us. But now i can’t even meet friends or anthing. Have been very lonely the last few months, and would love to meet up with other mums and kids etc. but now how can i arrange anything? its a lonely place where i am stuck up here in Dundalk and no real friends around and family so far away………..
I have spoken to her and asked her whats wrong and not to cry or be scared that i am always here for her and her dad and lorraine at school etc, but what do i do? Am i a sh1t mum?
You know it would be best to continue to bring her out into different situations and build up her trust again.
Don’t worry what other people think.
It is your child…..You are not a dreadful mother.. get out meet people and relax
wHEN MY SON SO 7 HE ACTED LIKE THAT FOR 6 MONTHS, HE HAD TO BE PEELED OFF MY HUSBAND EVERYDAY AT SCHOOL
Reward when she behaves
Hugs etc, not material things
get that out of your head for starters…..you are the best mum so don’t put yourself down at all…..please it’s not good for you or her……
my ds is 27 months and he too has developed fears of noises shadows etc and he runs if he hears a strange noise, he gets paniky and frets about it and that’s only a recet thing he started doing that the last few months, it’s trying to sit with them listen to them and reassure them, some might say your wrapping her in cotton wool but you’re not you need to help her confront her fears orelse they will escelate (sp) into something far worse, maybe did she see something on the tv that frightened her or in a book……just monitor what she’s watching or what you’re reading to her and take from there, assure her that it’s ok and not to panic when people come, introduce her slowly to new people, maybe people fuss over her and she’s not too sure how to take it…..i know my ds also went througha stage before he was 2 of having a tantrum if having to change his nappy or seeing him naked, getting a bath was an ordeal too stressful for him…..i figured out what it was, when he was in his grandparents house they’d make a fuss over him saying oh we see your bum bum, or ohh your belly…etc and he hated the high pitched squeals and fuss made over for nothing, so i spoke to them and they have stopped and now it’s a battle with him to get nappy changed not because of that but coz he wants to play……watch he maybe one day in playschool if you can maybe there’s a domineering child and she feels overwhelmed….when you notice she freaks out maybe just take a note of what’s happening around her rather than trying to tell her to stop…..it could also be an attention thing to get your attention too…..
anyway all pie in the sky but hopefully it’ll help you think about what might be triggering things and just try and help her be comfortable as much you can and don’t be afraid too ask for advice…..there’s always people here….
and keep the chin up 🙂
Your not a bad mum at all, its just a phase she is going through and its very normal.
My ds will turn 3 in July and he has only over hte past few weeks developed some strange fears. He wants the light on going to bed, doesnt like shadows on the walls etc.., he doesnt like loud noises anymore (tv, us talking, dog barking). I alway read him stories like the three little pigs and the other night he was crying his eyes out a 3am telling me thebig bad wolf ate the 3 piggies in his playroom, with his big long teeth! 😆 😆 😆
There fears maybe silly but they have to be taken serious, to them its very important. If you find out there is a little problem or fear try and talk it over with her, I will bet its something sooooo simple that is settting her off……. I’ve started to wonder if ds has something wrong with him, he just goes soooo ott over the smallest of things. Did you dd understand that playschool closes over the midterm? Could she think she is being punished and not allowed go>
You’ll get therereally kids do get fears my ds is the same taylor, actually have a cd in the car with songs and stories (haven’t heard real radio for a long long time always kids music in car) and he too keeps asking where the wolf is in the 3 pigs, i have to tell him he’s in the mountains as we don’t have mountains near us so we won’t get too scared….my dh has told me that he’s afraid of the fish in the teeny weeny tadpole story as the fish tries to eat the tadpole….so be very careful of what you read…….also maybe see can you make her a scrapbook about playschool and get her to tell you who’s in school and what she does, take photos of the classroom, even where she may sit, the teacher and if permission given her friends, even some art etc……and when there’s a mid term break as such take photo and catalogue what you did when on hols, so when the next midterm comes up she knows that it’s okay she’ll head back to school……
anyway hope all with sort itself out soon…..
Thanks very much girls for your replies. my dd will be 3 in june, so maybe its some sort of a phase they are going through. my dd got tonsilitis during her midterm break so missed a few days after it, she didn’t want to go back at all. supoose coz she was a bit spoilt when she was at home with me! but not too spoilt as have a 10mth old too so not much time here!
yes have to be careful with the stories!!!! have some great ones vetted for her first! have bloody jo jo’s circus and the tumble tots on in the car 😉 enough to drive you insane with no radio!
she knows that she not punished about not going to schoo, i have told her Lorraine is going on hols, and we were on our "hols" in galway with her grandparetns for most of it and in Dublin with my sis, so she had a great time, have told her to tell them all about the great hols she had 🙂 but I am dreading the morning, I realy hope that she settles in ok tomorrow and hopefully some of her fears will go……. just when you are out and she starts screaming go home go home, get out of this shop etc, and all these people STARE at you like you are crap and you have a spoilt brat 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 😳 and then i feel like crap, and try to make her not feel scared, she gets lots of attention etc so i dont know……… i hope its a phase………Oh that sounds just like how my ds is of late, he is sooo bossy and full of "no not in that shop this shop" and when he doesnt get his way he goes mental… lets hope its just a phase.
I was in the post office last week and it was packed, he got the hump with an ould dear behind us in the q, so he lay on the floor with his head in his hands…. there was a little old man (I’d guess about 80) and he started nudging ds with his foot, he was trying to make him laugh but ds was having none of it. When ds stood up the evil stare he gave the poor ould fella.
Then the ould one started saying "he’s a bit big for that, my grandson is a great chap and you can bring him anywhere, he’s on his midterm from school" I just snapped at her well he’s only 2 1/2 so school is a long way off, she just said "Oh, he’s a big boy" and I added "yeah and really only a baby" in a fuck off type of tone 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆
I just ignore any comments from passers by, we all have days like that.when they get to that age i think they suddenly become aware that they are their own entity and no longer attached to mummy and that can freak some kids more than others. but as long as they see mummy is calm then they are….. 😀 your little one will be fine , just keep positive on each new experience and prepare you little one for each activity so that there are no surprises,…..ie in the morning talk about the day ahead, what they’ll see, noise …people etcc and then talk about them at the end of the day
best of luck
Thanks! yes like u Taylor, my dd is tall and lots assume she is 4yrs old and thats probably worse, just keep out of it you nosey ould cow! wouldn’t you love to say something like that to people!!!!1 😆 😆 😆 😆 think that makes them worse then coz mydd gets more afraid when these auld biddies give them dirty looks…
I was afraid ds was going to kick or his special treat a head butt (normally just for mammy)….. its all a phase and please God they will grow out of it.
I was in SH at xmas getting centre vouchers, there wasnt a huge q but it was very slow, ds kept trying to run off and I kept having to leave the q and run after him, the stress levels were going through the roof……. so I wedged him on the ground at the counter and stood on him 😳 😆 😆 😆 well just trapped him with my leg/foot, I wasnt hurting him but he was howling as he wanted to run off…… you should have seen the looks I was getting.
One ould dear Piped up "Oh let him run around what harm can it do" I just said "tell that to maddie mccanns parents!" But feck off was coming next 😆 😆 😆your right taylor, thats what i would do too, people have short memories, most of those old biddies probably used to smack the legs off their kids when they misbehaved and then they try to offer unwanted advice to stressed out parents who really are in no mood to listen to them
i know i would do the same, but seriously when i would’ve done that my mom would’ve just walked off or else beat me with the wodden spoon when i got home….that sounds awful but not really beat me but a few slaps the back of the legs that would sting and you wouldn’t do it again or a else threaten me with my daddy, as would be dying for him to come and play with and get a cuddle and pretend i was the best all day, but then my mom would tell him i was bold then he wouldn’t talk to me or give out that would feel so terrible……
Talking about fears my ds had a total melt down today when having a bath screaming chucking the toys out then phoned dh who’s away tonight he said that when he gave him a bath the other night ds started freaking out thinking that the toys and hoim were going to go down the plug hole…..so will have to ort that one out and reassure him that we won’t fit down the plug hole…..
ah the poor thing, hope she gets over that fear!!! just had my sister on LECTURING ME that i have to take dd out of her comfort zones and bring her to new places…….. god does she think i do nothin with her, or that i have all day to drag her around to strangers…………………..agggggggggghhhhhhhh
My ds had a melt down the other day when I put brown sauce on his cheese sandwich…. he cried for 10 mins 🙄
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