Consulting with spouse….

I think you situation is different from most of us because your husband is away for weeks at the time.
Maybe he doesn’t really want to advise you about buying a doorbell, but could it be a way to say that he misses a lot from the family life because he’s not there on a daily basis?
With a baby on its way, that could increase his feeling about being left-out (even if he’s not).

With my husband I consult him even to buy a mug, it’s only because I don’t have space for it and I would not allow myself to buy it, but if I ask, then I have the green light makes me happy, and still don’t buy it, because I have all the kitchen stuff and more.

But I would change bin compagny…, and buy things for the kids, not the house (really no space), without telling him before, but we talk a lot and most things I do, I did mention it before (it could be months before), not to ask permission, just to let him know I want that or I’ll do that.
And I’m not working, so he’s the one earning money, I’m the one spending the way I want (because we want the same things).
For the holidays I’ll make the plan, because ifI don’t he’ll never think of it. I let him know, then we book what I picked.
Often it’s only ryanair flights to visit family.

So I do talk a lot (I’m a talker) but don’t have the feeling I ask permission, I ask his opinion not his approval. But as I said we share the same point of view.

Fabienne

i just tell him what i want, he says no i harp on about it eventually he gives in 😆 😆

…BUT most of the time he talks alot of sense into me of what we need and don’t need….

major things we’d discuss, minor things i’d say i got this that or i’m getting this that and he’ll give his tuppence…i know when he’s telling me when to lay off or when we really don’t need things as he goes on about it….lol…but i have my own account that i would get things from, and the rest sure it follows after….

it can be hard having to adhere to someone else’s do’s and don’ts…have a chat with him otherwise this will spiral…beleive me….and as others said, as he’s away perhaps he is feeling he needs to be a part of something, as you make the daily decisions perhasp he just wants in on somethings iykwim…(and you know what i bet if you asked him to hang something he’d take ages….i know that happens here but the consultation on buying the thing to be hung has to be run past him for approval….lol)

Im a bit of a Cross between Hjs and Scole… Im the one who says "oh we should do this or that in the house or garden" I would have researched and found what i want before i tell him my plans, i think he knows this as most of the time he will say "im sure you have it ordered already" or something to that affect
The only reason i tell him what im doing is that its his earnings im spending from our joint accounts, but do think i only tell him for that reason. Like hjs said im not buying a new car or anything.
I do think your hubby is just being "A MAN!" (sorry guys) it cant be easy for him being out of contact or coming home and all these little changes made, maybe he had little ideas or plans in his head but never got around to doing it…. i will give you two examples of how my dh threw his rattler out of the pram recently 1) getting some work done in the house, its something i have wanted done for 9 years, asked dh many many times to look at this job, never done so got someone in to do it…. the DAY the job was done Dh told me "i could have done that" YEAH BUT YOU DIDNT IN 9 YEARS SO IT DONE NOW FECK OFF!!!!
2) Told dh i wanted a new door, got quotes and found the man for the job, asked dh if he wanted anything he said "no, its your door leave it up to you to sort im too busy bla bla bla" The man was here on Friday and i was going over what i wanted…. out pops dh and changed what i wanted, i wasnt bother think the changes were better then what i was doing….. but what peee’d me off was that he couldnt sit down and work out what WE wanted instead of waiting till the 11 hour and 59 minute 😈 😈 😈 😈
Think they are worse then kids sometimes…. humour him for a bit, i say his ego is dented and just feeling left out

Jees Taylor….staging all of that just to get a new door?? 😆 😆

Just kidding!! Glad nobody was hurt! I tend to be the opposite and if something like that needs to be done, get it out of the way, but with dw I don’t always get the chance as she loves (and is amazing at) diy. I put down a laminate floor in one of the bedrooms once (first time trying), she watched me do it, then the following week went to the supplier, got the packs of laminates, under felt and beading and did all of the other bedrooms! Mind you, she’s alse painted the inside of the house top to bottom, wired chandeliers, tiled the kitchen and utility room and assembled flatpack furniture for us and many neighbours as well!

Now for everything else that needs to be done, you can say "remember the shower door"!! 😉

My DH is here most of the time, for a few weeks he had to stay away 5 nights at a time because of the snow really.

Small stuff yeah I’d go ahead and get it sorted. But to be honest no I wouldn’t call in workmen to do any alterations or buy anything for the house over say €100 without saying it to him first.

Its not because he’d expect me to clear everything with him but thats the type we are we talk about everything, we price everything over and over and sometimes I think we just over-analyse everything.

But I did discover when he was away that as a long term way of working a household it just would’nt work. Yes you need to talk, but you need to be able to go about life also and sometimes that means taking the iniative and making the decision alone.

There are very few places in the world where someone is completely uncontactable for weeks at a time. Tell him if he wants more input to sort something out a satallite phone or something because youcan’t hold off on everything esp. with 3 small kids for weeks or a month at a time.

I do think the others are right and he’s feeling guilty because he’s missing out on a lot by being away. But he should be able to find a way to make contact every so often when he’s not in the country.