Joe Cleary

Hi everyone,

Yes, we still live in an age where people experiencing mental health issues are derided and mocked. We have to remember that everything we say says something about us, and I suggest such derision is a way for people to set up a dichotomy of ‘us’ versus the mentally ill, as a defence against the reality of everyone being susceptible…[Read more]

Hi everyone,

To this anonymous poster I would straight away recommend that her daughter might benefit from speaking with a child psychotherapist. If there is something that she is keeping back from telling her Mum she may feel able to speak about it with a trained professional and if it’s something more complicated that she’s not even fully aware…[Read more]

Hi Sabbi,

I think how you choose to include your children in such conversations and anniversaries is extremely important – both for you and your husband and also for your children. If they choose to become parents in the future and experience miscarriage they know that there is a way to live through it and that they have you and each other to…[Read more]

Hi Sabbi,

I wanted to share something from the theory of psychoanalysis that seems relevant to the anniversary you’ve just witnessed. There’s a view in psychoanalysis that we have two deaths – the first, a physical death, and the second, the death of finally being forgotten by the last person who remembered us.

Both deaths will happen for all of…[Read more]

Hi Sabbi,

Apologies for my late reply – I only noticed your comment just now.

Certainly, psychoanalytic treatment is not just something to pursue in the immediate aftermath of loss. If your friend is experiencing their loss in a way that’s difficult to live with psychoanalysis may help them better understand what’s happening for them. The fact…[Read more]

I find it quite stunning that your husband wasn’t allowed to be at your side supporting you during what you describe as “a very traumatic experience”. Indeed most humans enter into relationships that form couples precisely because it means having someone to rely upon for support in exactly this kind of situation. In an age where insurance com…[Read more]

Hi all,

I think that if colouring is something you enjoy and helps to relax an otherwise busy mind, why not? It’s a creative, expressive activity – similar to other crafting pastimes – is inexpensive and easily organised. It may not address underlying stressors but help to free up more energy to deal with them as a result of taking time out to…[Read more]

Hi Sabbi,

It’s some time since you had to deal with this difficult issue, but it provoked me to thinking and writing about the situation you were.

I think your instincts were incredibly apt – you wanted to communicate something to your children to prepare them for the loss that was coming but didn’t want to say so much that they found it…[Read more]

Hi all,

It’s fantastic to see groups like this – people coming together to foster a sense of community and support one another. Feeling isolated can only intensify the distress of feeling depressed after a birth and such groups go a long way in breaking that.

Best wishes,
Joe.

Hi anw,

It’s some time since you last posted on this thread, and hopefully things are going well for you, but I wanted to make a point that stands out to me in what you have written.

You mobilised yourself and sought help. As difficult a time as you were having, you were able to reach out to those who could help you and began to create a way…[Read more]

Hi Sabbi,

I think you’re incredibly brave to be able to speak about something so personal and difficult with others here. The human element is often treated as secondary in hospital situations in general and this can intensify what is already a harrowing thing to be going through.

It’s good to hear that you are doing so well and that, though…[Read more]

Hi everyone.

Whenever I hear of someone having experienced a miscarriage I always think that, considering how many people experience it and live through it, there seems to be a vacuum in conversation about it. It is a topic rarely discussed, and when it is discussed it’s often spoken about in hushed tones or the topic is changed after a certain…[Read more]